AIBU to think 8 years is long enough??

[Rebecca563]

Brief back story, met DH after he'd been separated long time but not had divorce finalized. His family weren't thrilled about new relationship - probably hoped would get back with ex - so out of sensitivity to them he would never take me to any family event for a long time.

I had two young children from previous marriage and he has brought them up and in every possible way we are a family except after 8 years I think it's a bit much I'm still treated as 'the other woman' and blamed for his divorce by his family. They wanted grandchildren but have missed out on two young children's lives.

Whenever I bring up the subject he makes empty promises it'll be different but nothing ever changes and this Christmas he even lied about having to go to the office and went to his folks for Christmas dinner and presents, while we waited at home.

I feel I've had enough of being an outsider, AIBU to be so upset about this?

Some people might be quite pleased not to have to suffer their partner's family but yes I can imagine that it's not nice to feel that you're in some kind of clandestine or inappropriate relationship.

It may be that his family may never really accept you, but it is how he responds to this that I imagine you are more interested in. Is he of a more traditional culture?

I suppose that you will have to make him discuss this with you, but I don't see how he can force them to start inviting you to things.

That's pretty shocking he lied to you.
I mean really shocking. Sorry
Not much to say, but he needs to sit down and have a proper conversation with his parents.
You could make an ultimatum, but you would have to stick to it.
You're just going to end up resenting him

As a PP said, you will be counted very lucky by some to not have in laws!!!

Pretty shitty of your husband to leave you on Christmas day. He sounds spineless.

I do think your dh has caused a lot of this feeling by not standing up to them sooner.

Also, would you want your children being treated a second class citizens by these people? They sound like arseholes.

Whenever I bring up the subject he makes empty promises it'll be different but nothing ever changes and this Christmas he even lied about having to go to the office and went to his folks for Christmas dinner and presents, while we waited at home.

Was this on Christmas day?? You do sound like the other woman - but where his family are the wife and he hasn't actually left them.

I could live with my husband's family not being mad about me if he didn't go along with it too. I couldn't put up with being anyone's second best. And if I wasn't in anyway responsible for the divorce, I think by now I'd have clinked my glass at an event and instead of making a toast would have said "just to let you all know I bear absolutely no responsibility for your son/brother's divorce so stop acting as if I do"

That's really bad. No wonder you are upset. I would be devastated.

That's a weird set up. Not healthy at all.

You are married to him? Did they come to the wedding? You have actually met them before?
Can you contact them and start the whole process?
Seems very odd to keep his two lives so separate for so long. Maybe they are narcs or just horrible and he’s protecting you all from them?

He left you alone on Christmas Day?!

You sound like you are the ow and he is still with his wife, so his family don't even know about you.

He's a shit!

Are you married to him now or did he not get divorce finalised?
Leaving you at Xmas and lying is unacceptable.
Why do you think he's behaving like this? You must have an inkling

this Christmas he even lied about having to go to the office and went to his folks for Christmas dinner and presents, while we waited at home.

What a dick.

Difficult in-laws can be dealt with if you and your partner both agree that on how to deal with them.

That's not the case here. Your problem is with him.