To not let them be god parents?

[trevthecat]

Had ds 11 weeks ago. And we've been thinking of having him christened. We're not overly religious but partners mum is so it's more for her really. My partner wants his step brother (dads wife's son) and wife to be god parents as we are their dd's god parents. My issue is they haven't met our baby. They live about 40 mins drive from us but have been in the area seeing friends and family but haven't been round. They sent a card when d's was born and sent Christmas presents. Step brother has rang my partner several times in the last couple of months asking for him to book him in to do some work on their house but don't ask about baby! We have some really close friends who I think we should ask and that if the worst happened I know they would take good care of ds. (Not that step brother wouldn't) aibu to put my foot down and say No, they haven't bothered meeting ds so shouldn't be considered?

No offense to your MIL, but I had my dd christened to please my FIL and the next thing I knew they were deciding what school she was going to be sent to. Be wary about these simple things one does to please other people, they can lead them to believe that they call all the shots.

Have both. I chose people very carefully who I thought would support and help our dss and we have grown apart. Other people who I considered but decided were less likely to be involved have been much better friends. If your husband is keen to involve his rellies they may come good in the end, and if not, you still have your friends involved too

With the greatest of respect, if you're not overly religious and don't really understand what the role of the godparent is, why are you having him christened?

Getting a child christened to appease a relative is wrong IMO.

@TREVTHECAT with my DDs my husband chose the godfather and I chose godmothers. None of the 4 are married to one another. If you have a problem but not choose one each?

We chose godparents who were good friends. DH best man and wife for our DS, then my best friend from uni and her DH for DD. None of them particularly religious, and not expected to look after them as guardians (although effectively irrelevant now DS is 20 and DD heading for 18).

Both sets are still in our life, although not local so not seen very often and are very different people!!

Op its normal to name guardians in your will (which you really need to do now you have DS, also think about an executor/trustee if you both died and left DS behind). Trustee could also be executor, or not, and different to guardian, giving a 3rd party to manage the money left behind for benefit of your DS.

We named DH sister and my brother as the executors originally, with SIL as guardian. However my DB has always been a twat and has got worse with age, so we changed it a few years ago to name just SIL, but with both DC as joint executors with SIL once 18 and with DS as joint guardian to DD until she turns 18.

Well, I guess it depends how strongly you feel about this. Is it going to upset you if they are GPS? If so, he's going to end up upsetting someone!

As has been suggested above, the 2 sets of GPS may be the best way to compromise here, one set each as it were?

Aren't you godparents to their kids? Why haven't you made efforts to be in those kids lives and godparent them? If you had, they might have seen your baby while you were at it. Maybe they haven't been to see yours because you haven't bothered with their kids.

@trevthecat - you really need to consider making a will to set out who decides who would have your DC should the worst happen to you & your DP/H.
If your DM & MIL did "fight to the death" over who would have your DC, and there was no will to direct things, you have a risk that DC would go into care while things were sorted out legally.

Obviously this is unlikely to happen, but if there is any kind of uncertainty, far better to have someone at least appointed as the decision maker/Guardian if the time ever came. This could be a close friend who would never actually have your DC but would be best placed to make the right decision with your DC in mind.

I have seen DC fought over by grief stricken GP's who were really too old to be the right long term carers, when another relative was the better choice and it took an age to sort out when the DC just needed stability.

11 weeks is not that long. Factor in Christmas too. They sent cards and a gift for Christmas. Some people aren't baby people. Do they have children of their own?

It sounds like its a gesture from your DP. He may not even say yes. DP chooses two, you choose two. Not worth getting your knickers in a twist for.

Eliza we are in their dd life up until our baby was born. There are factors which mean we have been unable to visit them as they live 40 min drive. We saw our god daughter often ( fortnightly ish) up until I was around 37 weeks pregnant. Both making the effort to meet in each other's areas

Maybe like a pp said then, it was just Christmas getting in the way. Ring them and see if they want to meet somewhere halfway?

Had my son baptised 5 years ago with friends who were in our lives at the time as godparents. We now don't see them due to various circumstances however my eldest son's godparents from 20 years ago we still see - if I knew then what I did now I would have made different choices.

The role of a god parent is to oversee the child's religious support and spiritual guidance. Its nothing to do with presents or helping your child if parents die. It is purely a religious role. No problem if you are having a christening for the sake of a religious mother, but as you say you are not religious , it really shouldn't matter who you choose as god parent. In fact I declined an invitation from my sister in law because I am an atheist. If she dies I will help the family!