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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to cancel surgery

70 replies

Gizmo2206 · 04/01/2018 10:40

My little girl was born with a leg condition that means surgery is a necessity to reduce the level of disability she will have as she grows older. Consultant is keen on a hip surgery that will mean her being in a full cast from chest to feet for 2 months. It's all booked in but I'm tempted to cancel because I'm worried about the General Anaesthetic risks. My DD is almost 3

OP posts:

Gingernaut · 04/01/2018 10:44

YABU.

The sooner this surgery is done, the better her chances of recovery and she'll be less disabled.

You need to talk through this with the surgeon.

Derekmorganwasinmybed · 04/01/2018 10:47

My dd had hip surgery at 3,I was worried about the anaesthetic but they talk you through everything and it does help

OnTheRise · 04/01/2018 10:47

My children were all born with talipes, and related issues to their legs.

It was very hard seeing them go through surgery each time, but the alternativethem having lifelong disabilities which would prevent them from being able to walk or live in painwas much, much worse.

One of my children had an Ilizarov frame fitted for about four months followed by plaster casts for two months, then splints for a year. That particular treatment required four different general anaesthetics but transformed their life.

They all had successful outcomes from every single surgery, are now fully mobile and pain-free, and are so grateful for the treatment they've received.

I wouldn't hesitate to do it all again. And in your place, I wouldn't hesitate to support my child through much-needed surgery.

Tantpoke · 04/01/2018 10:48

YABU and selfish towards your daughter the sooner she gets the surgery the sooner she can recover.

KimmySchmidt1 · 04/01/2018 10:49

How many years of post graduate research have you done into general anaesthetic risks?

If you are not a highly technically accomplished scientist in this area, Is suggest you rely on the advice of someone who is, not your own generalised but ultimately uniformed sense of fear about some risks.

Its really important when making decisions which profoundly affect your and your child's life to be brutal with yourself about the extent of your own knowledge and understanding. And not the more comfortable position that you are alive and breathing and therefore your opinion is as valid and reliable as an expert's.

user1492645183 · 04/01/2018 10:50

YABVU

I have hip dysplasia that was not correctly treated as a child. My hips still sublux frequently, with each having a handful of dislocations. They can be agony on a bad day. The several surgeries to correct them now would be significant and complex, and require over a year to recover from; something I can't afford to do.

Talk to the surgeon about your concerns.

Xubie · 04/01/2018 10:53

YANBU to be worried about the anaesthetic risks; these should have been fully explained to you and you should have had the time to ask questions and get reassurance. Can you ask to see the anaesthetics team beforehand? It's never unreasonable to worry as a parent, particularly about something that is out of your field of knowledge / expertise. Many thousands of children receive anaesthetic medication every day and are completely fine.

Is there a particular aspect you are concerned about?

HOWEVER,

YABU to cancel an operation that would leave you daughter at risk of greater disability as she grows up. You really need to sit down and discuss your worries with someone rather than thinking that is the appropriate option first off.

Can you imagine explaining it to your daughter as she grows older?

tkband3 · 04/01/2018 10:54

I had surgery as a baby to correct hip dysplasia and was in hospital for several weeks and in plaster from the waist down for 6 weeks after I came home. My mother remembers the 2.5 hours of surgery as being the longest of her life, but this was back in the 1960s, when an operation of that length was more unusual.

My parents absolutely did the right thing for me - I have no memory of this time, but have no lasting problems with my hip. I am very grateful that they went ahead with the treatment.

greendale17 · 04/01/2018 10:55

YABVU

This has to be a joke surely? The surgery is necessary to reduce the level of disability your daughter will have as she grows older and you want to cancel it????????

ForgivenessIsDivine · 04/01/2018 10:56

My son had an operation at a similar age. He has multiple allergies and I was concerned about the risks. The surgeon, the anesthesiologist and his immunologist listened to my concerns, arranged tests beforehand (queried latex allergy) and shared risk factors and statistics with me. They were gentle and kind. I was allowed to be with him beforehand and in the recovery room afterwards.

frogsoup · 04/01/2018 11:01

You're hesitating about something that will reduce her level of disability in future life?! Surgery is scary, of course I get that, but you need to get a handle on your anxieties here. Anaesthesia is incredibly safe, more so than getting in a car for a long drive!

tiggerbounce77 · 04/01/2018 11:04

Please don't delay the surgery due to your fears, it is clearly a necessary surgery. I know it's very scary for you as a parent, putting your child through surgery is a terrifying, I have been there twice myself, but the risks are minimal. It also sounds like it's the ideal time for surgery as she will be fully recovered before school.

Glumglowworm · 04/01/2018 11:05

YABU

The medical professionals who are far more aware of the risks than you believe this is the best option for DD. You can ask them to go over the risks with you and reassure you but YABU to decide that you know better and to leave your daughter to become more disabled because of your fears.

HoppingPavlova · 04/01/2018 11:07

Do you walk with your child down the road, go in a car, catch public transport? If so then they are in greater risk than undergoing an anaesthetic in a first world hospital with highly qualified staff. YABVVVU. Cannot imagine how anyone could risk a higher level of disability for their child in the future by refusing required surgeries??????

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/01/2018 11:08

YABU and selfish towards your daughter the sooner she gets the surgery the sooner she can recover.

This.

You seriously want to cancel something that will greatly change your DD life?

Of course it is OK to worry about anaesthetic but to actively cause your DD disability to be worse? Really?

Sirzy · 04/01/2018 11:08

It’s normal to be anxious before a child under goes a procedure what you need to remember is as tough as it will be at the time in the long term it will make life much easier for her.

Before the operation the anaesthetist should go through everything with you and answer your questions, if your worried you won’t remenber things write them down before hand. If you can take someone with you to support you

elliejjtiny · 04/01/2018 11:13

YABU, sorry but it's understandable to be scared. My 4 year old has had 15 general anaesthetics and has had 2 minor problems where he was fine the next day. The other 13 he has been completely fine straight away. The risks of GA decrease when they turn 3, I'm not sure why. YANBU to be scared but it's got to be done.

Original poster

Gizmo2206 · 04/01/2018 11:15

I think people may have misunderstood. My daughter doesn't have hip dysplasia but a different more unusual limb condition that has affected the way one hip has developed. Many people with the condition opt for no surgery as it doesn't cause her any pain, but it is possible that surgery may reduce her limp (but it is also possible.it won't - this is what the specialist has told us). She could have this surgery now or it can be performed at any point in childhood - we have been told there's no rush to have the procedure but if we opt for limb lengthening (or indeed amputation is an option that's been presented to us) then it is important to stabilise her hip beforehand. Perhaps my post wasn't clear in the sense that I just meant delay the surgery until she has a better understanding and we will be able to comfort her easier.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 04/01/2018 11:19

I would still do it now. As hard as it going to be as she gets older if you don’t there will always be a reason not to AND she may be upset that it has been left.

Also if you leave it any longer it will get to the point where having it done will have a massive impact on her education

Ginkypig · 04/01/2018 11:20

It's normal to be worried and actually it's probably a good thing that you came on here to share that because there are others here who've been in the same position as you.

I think you know though that your child's future and wellbeing is the most important thing you will ever have a hand in creating that alone means you will have to pull it together and step up because your daughter needs you to put her first. But you know that don't you.

RatRolyPoly · 04/01/2018 11:20

You're not being selfish, what an untrue and downright nasty thing to say - shame on those posters. It's not the OP who would suffer any ill-effects of the general anaesthetic, it's her dd for fuck's sake.

Saying that I'm afraid YABU OP. The certain ill-effects of not having this surgery sound so significant that I think they warrant taking this well-managed and well considered risk. Of course you're frightened though, of course you are. But it sounds like the right thing to do.

Ginkypig · 04/01/2018 11:21

Oh and to add.

My opinion is the fact she young is a good thing, the younger they are the easier (generally) things should be and the quicker she'll bounce back.

RatRolyPoly · 04/01/2018 11:21

Ah, just seen your update, a bit more complicated then.... All you can do is discuss with the professionals I suppose and try to make the best decision you can for your dd. Which of course is what you're trying to do.

unyummy4amummy · 04/01/2018 11:22

You can't help how you feel about this and shouldn't feel guilty about that. You can go ahead and let your daughter have the surgery anyway.

My premature DS needed an operation when he was only a few months old and I remember it seemed 'wrong' because he was so small. I did deep down know it was what was best for him though. The surgeon and all the rest of the staff were great. They talked us through the procedure in advance including risks and how rare they were and reminded us of everything on the day. They even had a welcome sign with his name when we arrived.

My partner was really nervous about it and wanted to take him down to surgery and this was actively encouraged. We also had an update as soon as possible. My DS recovered well and the success means he has not needed any more surgery.

Please trust in our wonderful NHS and do what you know is best for your daughter and you by having the operation. Good luck with it, I will be thinking of you.

Gingernaut · 04/01/2018 11:22

Doing it now before she enters full time education will be better.

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