Help me over the finish line...

[Bobbins43]

I'll try not to make this an essay but I would very much appreciate some advice or encouragement. I'm approaching the date that I can apply for my decree absolute and I am having a serious wobble.

My husband and I are definitely over. We live in separate houses and we are never ever getting back together. As it were. We had an arranged marriage that I very much did not want. I'm glad to no longer be living with him and want as little to do as possible with him. We have two DC and his contact with them is sporadic.

So, my nisi is here. Everyone in my family including my husband has been against our getting a divorce. They don't understand why I can't just stay as we are - married but separated. There has been a lot of emotional pressure on me throughout the entirety of the marriage and even now, it persists. My husband seems to think that the divorce won't be going any further. My parents and extended family have asked me to wait a year and see how I feel.

I don't want to be married to him anymore but I don't want to cause upset in the family. Should I just leave things as they are? Or should I get some gumption and post the damn form?

What do you want to do? Your post suggests you want the divorce. If that’s the case then post the letter. Why wait a year? What’s going to change? Do what’s right for you
Good luck OP

Post the form!

Post it post it post it or you are still tied to him legally and he has all the rights over you and your assets that marriage confers. If you were unconscious in hospital it would be him deciding on your treatment, do you really want that?

Go for the absolute, it sounds as though there's no reason not to, family might want you to wait a year but it's not their marriage!

Post the form. You will never be able to move on and create the life you want if you are tied to him. You need that psychological freedom. Don't let others make decisions for you anymore, your family didn't do a great job of arranging your marriage so I wouldn't trust their judgement about ending it either.

Post it. It is your life and you need to take full control of it, for you and your Dc. Ypu know nothing will change in a year so do it

Surely your family are hoping you will get back together or why would they suggest this? Show them it’s over! Because it is.

Post it ! Been there done that, stood at the post box, crying, rang my sister, its v emotional but still 100% the right step for me, but please do it. Its just paperwork but it has huge emotional and psychological impact xxxxx

Thank you everyone! I don't know why I'm being so weird about it but I am so worried and frightened about what they will say when it goes through

Will they even know it has gone through? Post it and forget about it. Don't talk about it. Move on.

your family didn't do a great job of arranging your marriage so I wouldn't trust their judgement about ending it either

Your family should support you. If they don't do that, then forget them.

My family won't but I'm assuming my husband will get a copy of the absolute?

Yes of course he will but what has that got to do with them? Does he go running to them with everything?

He will probably ring them up and tell as many family members as he can as well as ringing me and having a go. We are distantly related (I know!) so it's going to cause massive ructions. He keeps trying to force some kind of family meeting with my father and uncle, the elders of the family to have it all out. He's desperate not to be blamed for us separating.

There’s good advice here and in your heart you already know what you want to do. Be brave, you are almost there. Family means a lot, but not like this. Give yourself, your ex and your family a chance to move on. Take the final step, cut the ties and be free. Good luck💐