Been with DH for over 4 years and currently in the middle of our first ever fight.
We have 3 month old DS and it’s been a rocky few months. Massive trouble breast feeding, and health scares with the baby including an ER visit. In the same period of time we moved house and we now live in an area that is completely new to me and 30-45 minutes drive from family.
I have been looking forward to having him baptised. I was so worried and unwell myself at the time of his birth, so missed the initial joyful ‘the baby is here’ time. I saw his baptism as the event for me to quietly celebrate my beautiful baby and how far he’s come.
My mother lives down the street from our family church. We’ve had family weddings, funerals, baptisms there for decades. Mum offered to organise the baptism then serve tea and cake at her house afterwards. Perfect.
DH said no. He wanted the baptism to take place in our new community. He made a little speech about how we’re adults and we need to throw our own events, how his parents shouldn’t have to drive so far to get to it etc. He said he’d do most of the work. I very very reluctantly agreed to have it in our new area and host our parents and siblings at our new home.
Once it was booked DH tells me that actually he needs to invite all his aunts, uncles and cousins. A week later he says that tea and cake isn’t enough- it has to be a cooked lunch. And his grandparents are too old to eat on their laps so it has to be a sit down lunch. Plastic cups are no good, we have to rent glasses etc etc etc. meanwhile he has done sweet FA to make it happen. I even had to repeatedly remind him to tell his grandparents the time.
Then at Christmas he took to bed with a migraine. The reason - he is so stressed about the party, he won’t be able to ‘help’ anymore. It’s up to me. Oh, but his mother (a whole other story) will ‘help’ instead.
I’ve spent the week beside myself with stress (made worse by Baby induced lack of sleep). I am furious that he insisted we turn down my mum’s offer to host and then left me high and dry with his family’s demands and the mental load of trying to please them all.
Today I finally cracked and accused him ruining something that was important to me. We had a full argument with raised voices and me crying. He continued to spout his views about hosting our own events like a broken record, seemingly not caring that I’m the one doing to heavy lifting to meet his directives.
He’s now off sulking and probably texting his mother about how mean I am.
AIBU? Any advice on what to do now? I’m new to arguing with a spouse and not sure what happens when neither party is willing to apologise.