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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why he lied

50 replies

Catlady1977 · 03/01/2018 08:54

So dh is a big footy can. He has a season ticket for his team. He goes to all the home games and the off away game.
Many of his posts are about the team. Just noticed that on one his friend asked him if he is going to a certain away game? He relies no as wife is away do I have the kids. This is not true. I am away but not that week.
Why lie?

OP posts:

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 09:51

You sound anything but 'pretty chilled'

It's not up to you to police his white lies to get out of social events.

A lot of people use family as an excuse to get out of doing stuff.

Do you never tell white lies?

WonderLime · 03/01/2018 09:52

Have you never lied to get out of something? Like, I’m pretty tired/ feeling under the weather, etc instead of just saying I don’t want to go?

I know if I was to say ‘I don’t want to go’ in some situations I’d get hundreds of questions and people trying to pursuade me to change my mind. Much easier to give an excuse in some situations.

Original poster

Catlady1977 · 03/01/2018 09:53

Especially as he told said person how disappointed he was not be going so yes I do think blame.

OP posts:

MsGameandWatching · 03/01/2018 09:55

You sound like very hard work. Do you manage and nit pick at every area of his life like this?

Original poster

Catlady1977 · 03/01/2018 09:56

Ok. I am chilled about him going to matches including away ones. I am chilled about him even going away for the odd away games with his mate.
Just don't get why he can't be honest. Guess I don't understand the football fan mentality.

OP posts:

TwitterQueen1 · 03/01/2018 09:57

OP, you are way, way overthinking and reading too much into this. Why are you so obsessed with this? No-one is blaming you. He's given a perfectly legitimate no fault no blame reason for not going to the match. The lie hurts no-one.

Original poster

Catlady1977 · 03/01/2018 09:58

Not going to make a fuss. Just wanted to discuss/vent on here but clearly you can tell I am hard work from one thread. Ok.

OP posts:

AnonEvent · 03/01/2018 09:58

I offer DH the chance to take my name in vain for these sorts of moments. If he doesn’t want to do something, and doesn’t want to be nagged by his friends, I encourage him to say that I’ve made plans for that day. I guess it’d be better if he had more confidence in his convictions, but hey ho, choose your battles.

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 10:02

Well of course you should be chilled about him going to football matches. You're not a saint.

If the issue is you don't get equal time off from the kids then say that.

hesterton · 03/01/2018 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charley50 · 03/01/2018 10:11

I think it's quite a nice little white lie. He's telling his friends that his kids are his priority and that his social life doesn't come before yours.

Snowman41 · 03/01/2018 10:18

I think it is the fact that I have been blamed that has got to me

Where have you been blamed?

He said you were away, ok it's not the truth, but it's hardly laying blame. It's just circumstances.

I don't think there is much wrong with making a daft excuse tbh. I have been known to say to people I can't do something because I need to be with DC (s) when actually I could get away if I really wanted to.

Charley50 · 03/01/2018 10:24

One of the best things about being a parent is being able to use the kids as an excuse when you dont want to do Something or go somewhere..

Original poster

Catlady1977 · 03/01/2018 10:26

I do get equal time off as the youngest is now at school. Guess I am over thinking.

OP posts:

Floellabumbags · 03/01/2018 10:30

I doubt any of his friends will be giving it a second thought and they certainly won't be pulling his excuse apart or looking for lies. I think you should just let it go and focus on something more constructive.

Original poster

Catlady1977 · 03/01/2018 10:31

I suppose I saw it as blame as he said he was disappointed that he couldn't go. (Sorry word was gutted)
Guess I am reading too much into an off the cuff remark.

OP posts:

Emilybrontescorsett · 03/01/2018 10:35

Id take it as a reason/excuse that can't be argued with.
I have a colleague and sometimes she declined invites stating that she is insure who's turn it is to have her DC( she is divorced).
I am almost 100% sure she knows the weeks she has her DC yet this cannot be argued with and us her get out clause.

HermioneAndMsJones · 03/01/2018 10:47

Well Catlady I would have read the same thing than you. And has made his feeling clear to his mates (but not to you).

That or he is finding the best excuse he could find that he knew would be well accepted by his mates. Which would say A LOT about his mates and their views in women in general.
I suspect I would then get grumpy that he is supporting these ideas.... (but maybe that’s just me)

Fwiw I’m that you get time for yourself now that the dcs are all at school.
That tells me that you dint get any at weekends and that your DH is actually sort of expecting you to be there so he can Go out.... As well as the fact this was the situation before. So plenty of time away for him (incl after the birth of your 3rd child....) but none for you until your own situation resolve itself with the dcs at school and you finally got a bit of a breather.
Different issue though (even though they might be linked and the reason why it irked so much to read that)

C8H10N4O2 · 03/01/2018 10:51

Hermione

^This to both your posts!

It would annoy me too, being used as an excuse because DH couldn't face up to telling the truth in this situation. What on earth is wrong with saying "giving it a miss this week, have other stuff/plans"

Original poster

Catlady1977 · 03/01/2018 10:55

Tbf I did get some free time evenings and weekends but nowhere near as much as dh. Very little in early days though as breastfed all 3.
Seem to get even less now in some ways as I do all the ferrying around to activities.

OP posts:

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 11:25

That's the real issue then Catlady. That's not fair to you.

Why are you doing all the feerying around? Does he drive?

Original poster

Catlady1977 · 03/01/2018 11:47

Is too tired after work as has some health issues. Although he did very little whilst on annual leave this Christmas. Apart from go to footy and obligatory relative visiting.

OP posts:

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 12:25

So he's using his health issues as a get out of jail free card.

If he can go to footy, then he do more of his share of housework / ferrying kids around.

Are you a SAHM?

Original poster

Catlady1977 · 03/01/2018 14:04

Work part time

OP posts:

HermioneAndMsJones · 03/01/2018 19:45

So I guessed right.

You are working (albeit part time), do all the hw and child related activities. And get less free time than your DH.

I’m not surprised you got pissed off by his comment tbh.

Because it really said what he thinks (but will not dare telling you). Instead of being grateful for all the efforts you are making to help him with his MH issues.....

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