WWYD? DS terrified of animals.

[ladyjam]

My 8yo DS has always been wary of animals (cats and dogs in particular), but in the last year or so that fear has reached new heights and its beginning to affect our everyday lives. If we go past someone walking a dog, or a cat jumps onto a garden wall while we are out he screams bloody murder and shakes like a leaf! We find it difficult to visit people who have pets because he's constantly on the lookout in case they venture into the room. Most of our friends and family are understanding and will shut the animal in another room, but the fact its in the house somewhere is still unbearable for him.

DS nor I have no idea what caused the fear to begin with or why it has increased recently. I don't know how to help him. Is this something GP would be able to advise me on or would she laugh us out of the surgery?

Aversion therapy?

Buy him a kitten?

Same thing happened here. We did some anxiety programs together to help rationalise his fear and be specific about what upset him the most (instead of everything). At the time, everything was about avoiding the company of dogs and big cats. It was a nightmare in a family where everyone has them except us. We realised that subconsciously, we were feeding his anxiety by accommodating the drama. In the end we ignored it and made sure he was around calm ones for a bit. He just needed time to get to know they were harmless in his own time. Now, five years on, he is still unhappy around yappers, jumpers and really big ones but can handle most others.

Have you spoken to him about why he is afraid, what he thinks the animal will do? I know phobias are pretty irrational but talking through his fears might help to put them into perspective. See if he can give any examples of when something bad has happened involving an animal and if this was his own experience, a friend or something seen on tv. Can you discuss how unlikely it is that anything bad will happen? Try then to show examples of positive relationships with animals so he can see how they bring joy and can be essential companions to people.

Do you have friends/family with a very calm reliable pet that you could visit and start to desensitise him with? Just being in the same room calmly, using lots of rewards to create positive associations rather than constant adrenaline signals and avoidance. Working up to getting closer and even stroking it when he feels ready.

Can you google some coping strategies and try some out until you find one that works? Screamingly and shaking at the sight of an animal is a very extreme reaction! If he has a breathing exercise or a mantra to say whenever he sees an animal that might help him to feel more in control of his emotions.

I can't understand irrational fears but I can now accept that people experience them, and previously I would have really minimised his experience, saying 'oh don't be so silly, it won't hurt you, what an overreaction'. But you need to completely avoid using value based language which passes judgement on him. Keep everything factual and neutral, accept his emotions and maybe work on his wider emotional maturity about understanding that we are not our emotions, we just experience them and can change our reactions to them. It is almost impossible to avoid animals for the rest of his life so better to work out a strategy now instead of ignoring it.