Affair

[Jammydodger23]

I have found out my wife is having an affair with a married work colleague, I have found naked photos of them on my iPad, should I tell his wife.

Why have you posted this again OP? You said you found out before Christmas and your wife has already admitted. I think you should just deal with your end of the swamp. I'm really sorry this is happening to you.

Don't waste enjoying on the married colleague.

Have a think about what you want your family situation to look like in 1 yr and focus on doing that. Divorce or not, just consider your long term goal and whether it is achievable. It's your wife and family you need to focus on.

Yes found out about the affair before Christmas, but was told it had stopped. Then found out it hadn't and the pics where taken while my wife was "out shopping" between Christmas and new year. Don't want a bitter divorce for the sake of the kids, just feel the whole thing is very unfair on his wife and children as well as on my kids, I don't really care about the wife any more she can do what she wants

Well, only you can decide what you can live with.

There is always the option of a non-bitter divorce.

You say you don’t want the hassle of a bitter divorce so I reiterate my initial advice.

Say nothing, deal with the home front only and let the other stuff play out.

You can control an amicable divorce, keep things clean and simple.

I would want to know. Thing is, you tell her without "proof" then she probably won't believe you but at the same time you would be breaking the law to send her the photos. If you can, message her and say you have photographic proof that your wife is having an affair with her husband and tell her you're quite happy to show her in person. No matter what you want, the divorce is probably going to be messy because she's had an affair and you must note this as the reason on your divorce. Think about things properly before you jump into a decision. Seek legal advice before you do any of this to see where you stand. Good luck x

You say you are not bothered what she does and have proof she lied in the worst possible way.
Yes, tell her you have them and that the kids could have already seen them.
Divorce does not have to be bitter. If you both behave like grown ups, sit down and tell the children together. Reassure them of your love.
Sort out the practicalities, house, access etc then carry it through. You will be happier apart and the kids will not grow up in a hostile, resentful household.
Good luck op

And no, his duplicity is his own cross to bear.

You should not distribute intimate photos of them, knowing the distress it will cause as without consent you can be prosecuted.

Ditch your cheating wife though.

It might feel unfair on his wife and kids, but I think it would be more unfair not to let her know she's married to a cheating bastard.

The divorce doesn't have to be bitter. I wasn't married but my son's dad cheated and I ended it the second time (that I was aware of). I didn't act bitterly or angry, I basically have a professional demeanour when dealing with him and always have. Both with other people (him with the ow) and he still tries it on with me. I keep all the messages in a folder should I wish to enlighten her but I don't think I will, I'll let her have the self doubt I felt and she can discover what he's like for herself!

However I would tell the wife in your situation as she probably suspects already. I'd ask to meet and take the evidence with you. Don't send the photos as you could get in trouble with the law.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Unfortunately people like your wife are unable to think past their wants. She'll never truly love anyone but herself imo and she will always come first. Just act calmly and professionally, don't show emotion as hard as that is.

Please tell the wife, she deserves to know. Save the pictures in case you need proof. Please have enough confidence in yourself to leave this relationship. Don't stay being poorly treated and made a fool of for 'the sake of the kids.' It seldom does more good than damage to them.