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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give up and let DC have unlimited screen time?

29 replies

Tipsntoes · 02/01/2018 17:31

They're 14 & 16yo, so trying to manage the time they have on screens feels like (and probably is) control freakery. But, if I don't they would never do anything else. They always have one gadget or another in their hand, often two or three. DS1 is currently "studying" on his lap top but also has his phone in his hand. He's 16, almost 17 though, there must come a point when i say it's down to him?

OP posts:
Elsiejane · 02/01/2018 17:37

How much time do you think they should have?
I hate all this technology constantly on. Admittedly i am probably bad myself.
I would say 14 and 16/17 they will be on there constantly and obsessed with their friends and the more you push them to stop the more they will want to!
Try encourage them to come away to do family things they are interested in?
Make a reward chart for technology free time and for chores? Maybe have a family time scheduled for once a week/fortnight?
Sorry i cant be more help

Julie8008 · 02/01/2018 17:54

a reward chart for a 17 yo ? seriously Confused

JustVent · 02/01/2018 17:54

A reward chart FFS.

SnowFairyDust · 02/01/2018 17:56

I'm not sure you can limit them very well at that age really, more a case of encouraging them to do other non screen related things whenever you can, easier said than done though I'm sure.

Wolfiefan · 02/01/2018 17:59

My teen isn't allowed gadgets after bedtime. I will also peel him off the x box if he's on it for too long. But he has other interests so he can't spend his whole life on there.
Hw or revision first. Then tech. He isn't studying if he's on his phone too.

VioletCharlotte · 02/01/2018 18:05

At 14 and 16 I would pretty much leave them to it. Mine are 18 and 16 now. The only ruleI have is that they need to switch off consoles by 10.30 on week nights. So long as they're doing what they need to do (going to college, handing in coursework on time, etc) it's up to them how they choose to spend their leisure time.

If there was any issues or I noticed them being especially moody then I'd be asking questions.

Joinourclub · 02/01/2018 18:10

I think at that age you can only gave house rules that you all abide by, including you. So no devices at the table , or devices off at 9:30 etcetc

Brighteyes27 · 02/01/2018 18:11

Mine are 12 and 13 I don’t let them take them to bed on a night but in the holidays they seem to be on it more or less every waking moment when in the house. They will still sometimes come for a walk with us and the dog but it’s like pulling teeth. Think things will be even harder by that age. Their rooms were such a mess and I was feeling really unwell the other day so when I got up to take my tablets I hid their phones until they had had breakfast and did a basic tidy of their bedrooms. Can’t imagine doing that when they are 16 so watching with interest.

NotAgainYoda · 02/01/2018 18:12

The only rules we have now (15 and 17) are not after bedtime , not at the table and not when at grandparents' (although grandad is permanently glued to his Kindle Fire.

We drag them our periodically for meals or the cinema. They each have a hobby but one of them doesn't go out much socially - he skypes his friend and they yell at each other whilst gaming

Pengggwn · 02/01/2018 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cornettoninja · 02/01/2018 18:18

I think pp are right. In reality I look around and most people are glued to a screen, myself included.

I think at the point of teenagers it's about when it's appropriate and when it's not. A bit like swearing I suppose. It's just how the world is now.

BeyondThePage · 02/01/2018 18:20

Yep we have a couple of rules - DDs 15 and 17.

No devices upstairs or at the table.

Chores and homework first (walking dog, emptying dishwasher, putting away laundry - not exactly onerous)

We also have "alternative" nights - so we will have a board game night on a Wednesday, movie night on Friday, takeaway and box set (Greys anatomy currently) on Monday - they both tend to want be around on the Monday and Wednesday at least - because we have fun as a family - all together, none of us on devices.

RavingRoo · 02/01/2018 18:22

‘All’ you can do is unplug the wifi router and lock it away somewhere.

Original poster
Tipsntoes · 02/01/2018 18:24

We have no gadgets at the table and no gadgets upstairs for everyone (although that ones getting harder to manage as they have homework and music on the gadgets).

DS1 has some interests outside the house which restrict his usage a bit. DS2's "hobbies" are all screen related and I struggle to know when he''s doing something worthwhile and when he's just wasting time (like I have most of this afternoon on mn Blush ) . What with the screen based studying/homework and the "projects" I fear I am having the wool pulled over my eyes a lot.

OP posts:
NotAgainYoda · 02/01/2018 18:26

Yes, I unplug the router at times. When they aren't listening and stuff needs to get done around the house.

LagunaBubbles · 02/01/2018 18:26

A reward chart for a nearly 17 year old- good god!
I don't get all this angst on MN about "screen time", and I especially don't get trying to control it in teenagers.

Tinkerbec · 02/01/2018 18:29

A reward chart for a nearly 17 year old- good god!
I don't get all this angst on MN about "screen time", and I especially don't get trying to control it in teenagers.

Agree Laguna.

Students in y10 in my class laugh if I try to give them positive points.

Topseyt · 02/01/2018 18:30

My 3 DDs are aged between 22 and 15 now. I don't have any rules regarding screen time. They know when and where is appropriate. They don't use their phonesor any other devices at the table and never did.

Homework has always been handed in on time. No problems. Anyway, the only one I could potentially police a little would be the 15 year old and she has never posed any problems so I don't. A 19 year old and a 22 year old are adults, so nothing to do there.

NotAgainYoda · 02/01/2018 18:30

go easy on ElsieJane She may have younger kids

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 02/01/2018 18:38

The 17yo will be old enough to work full time in an office, where he would have to stare at a screen all day long anyway. At university, when I was writing a big essay or my dissertation, I sometimes sat at a computer from 8 in the morning till after midnight. So I don’t really think lots of ‘screen time’ is avoidable. I might take steps to monitor what they actually do on their screens though. More the 14yo than the older one.

I think your house rules sound good though. No gadgets upstairs and none at the table. Makes sense.

Original poster
Tipsntoes · 02/01/2018 18:40

It's not so much the time staring at a screen that worries me (although that is a concern too) but the mind numbing waste of time that these screens create in all of us.

OP posts:
Elsiejane · 02/01/2018 18:42

I was suggesting the reward chart more for the 14yr old and more for if they dont do housework. Housework helps prepare them for when they live on their own and if this is the only way to do it then so be it! I do mean a more adult reward chart with things like pocket money or a new video game if they do their own washing for a month or something? Im just chucking out suggestions here, doesnt mean you have to take them!

AhJaysus · 02/01/2018 18:45

DS1 is currently "studying" on his lap top but also has his phone in his hand. He's 16, almost 17 though, there must come a point when i say it's down to him?

No, you're the parent so take control.
He's not doing any study if he's on his phone btw.

Elsiejane · 02/01/2018 18:45

Thank you NotAgainYoda
I dont see why some people feel the need to instantly judge what youve said or immediately jump to criticize

LagunaBubbles · 02/01/2018 18:52

It's a discussion forum, suggesting a reward chart even for a 14 year old sounds ridiculous to me - if people want to say they disagree with something they can.
I don't try and control my 15 year old screen time. He would look at me as if I was mad if I suggested a reward chart to cut down on it. It's part and parcel of life these days anyway.

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