To not take DC to smoke filled house

[melclaire1111]

My DM smokes. Always has. Probably always will despite health issues directly related to it.

I hate the smell of it but have always gone to their house to see both parents and brother. Father and brother don't smoke. The rule is mother always smokes in the kitchen with the door open.

Now we have DC I hate taking them round but have done to keep the peace, and the house hasn't been awful.

Went round over Christmas and where it's been colder mother hasn't been opening the door to smoke and the house was awful. I lasted 30 minutes before making excuses to leave and DC was coughing all afternoon and night (possibly a coincidence) I also had to strip both of us and wash our clothes as it's all i could smell.

I've now said I'm not taking DC around anymore as I don't want them being exposed to it. I know its not fair on my brother and father as they will now have to come to us, but mother had said I'm over reacting and being unreasonable and it's not that bad!

I honestly struggled to breathe and don't feel it's fair to DC!

YANBU. There's evidence that second hand smoke harms children so there's never a reason to expose them to it. I don't take my DC to places where there'll be cigarette smoke in the air. DS2 has asthma so I'm probably more precious than some parents, but it's just not ok to smoke around children at all.

I'm with you.

Not visiting MiL until the weather is warmer for the same reason. They want us to visit this month but DS has just getting over a hideous cough and I'm not going to let him suffer.

Doubt it's coincidence. My ears really hurt after I've breathed in smoke and I hate walking about smelling of it.

Invite them to yours and she can smoke outside.

YANBU

My SIL and brother smoke in the kitchen. In a flat. They have an asthmatic child. But because they don't smoke right in front of their DC's in the house they think it's fine (they smoke around them when outside). Whilst it is better to smoke in the kitchen than in the same room, it's really not a good idea. Especially if the child is asthmatic (and not stable asthma either... they can't see the link).

We don't visit often, or stay long when we do, in part because of their smoking. It's a horrible habit and not good to be around children, especially small ones.

Jesus why doesn't she just sling on a coat and get on with it outside?

I stopped visiting my aunt when she became wheelchair bound but insisted on smoking the entire visit with dc. Ds had been ill for 10 months with whooping cough +several bouts of bronchiolitis (15 years ago when second hand smoking wasn't as frowned upon but she knew I wasn't happy). In summer we went in the garden, winter the kitchen, when the carers went in we also hid in the kitchen so the whole visits ended up with 6 dc in another room to her - became a pointless 90 min journey tbh! Didn't see her for over 5 years before she died.

YANBU. Your children's health is more important than your mother's hurt feelings.

YANBU, and smokers need to adjust their behaviours to be more considerate to others, even in their own homes, or take the consequences. Stand firm and teach your dc it is acceptable to say they will not stay in a room with someone else’s fumes poisoning their lungs and making their hair and clothes stink.

My nearly 82 yo grandad - who I may add used to light up in other people's houses (even if they didn't smoke!) before the smoking ban was put in place in pubs etc now goes outside whilst visiting and if I take my kids round he even goes out then (apart from if its freezing then he shuts himself in the conservatory with the back door open.

Something must have clicked in his head - that and he has got used to having to go outside when he goes to the pub!

YANBU! I had the same issue myself. Had to go home and shower. The stale 60 a day smell of myself made me feel sick, like I was sat next to a smoker who hadn't changed clothes in weeks.

You're right to not visit OP.

You stink when you leave, even if you've only been in for 10 minutes.

YANBU.

She needs to go and smoke outside if she wants you to bring her grandchildren over.

I’d baulk at exposing myself to that, let alone my kids. Bleurgh.

Yanbu! It wasn't coincidence that dc was coughing. Your poor db & df living there. Your mum needs to smoke outside and I say that as someone who used to smoke 20 a day.

My step dad smokes in my parents lean to but often leaves the kitchen door open so the smoke drifts in. It's not particularly awful but when we go to stay I wash all of our clothes upon returning home. Ds is nearly 1 now but I'm beginning to get paranoid about my upcoming newborn

Even if your DM goes outside, you and the DC will still come back stinking of smoke.

My MIL smokes and if my DH has been in her house for 5 minutes I smell it on him straight away when I give him a hug. It’s gross!

Dirty and smelly thing to do. FIL chain smoked and I was sick after every time I visited.
10 years after his death I have never had a chest infection and whilst he was alive I had several a year.

When he visited us he was constantly smoking in bedroom (we lied when we said we could smell it). Or he would smoke 'outside' standing in kitchen doorway facing into kitchen smoking.

I'm glad DC were born after he died as it was going to be a massive issue staying there as I would refused. He refused to see that smoking could be bad for him (killed him, lung cancer).