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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What's the party invite rule for children?

31 replies

Mrsknackered · 02/01/2018 16:10

DS turning 5 in a few weeks. He's asked for a party instead of presents (we wouldn't be able to afford to do both really)
My mum and stepfather have kindly offered to pay half for him to have an 'explorer party' which consists of food, 'exploring', animals and dancing. Parents can stay if they like, but don't have too. Like I said before, we couldn't pay for this party alone.
Only issue is there's a maximum of 12 children. There's 25ish in his class/year. His list was easy for him to write, but it consists of 8 boys and 4 girls. Is this really out of order on the other children?
He's been invited to two parties, one was all boys and the other he couldn't attend so I'm not sure how they delegated invites.
Help! I get anxiety about this kind of thing! Cancel and change party or AIBU stick with the 12?

OP posts:

Mammyloveswine · 02/01/2018 16:11

Stick with the 12 he wants to invite... it's his party! I hope he has a fabulous time!

Sirzy · 02/01/2018 16:12

My rule of thumb is less than half or all. So 12 from a class is fine imo.

Ohforfoxsakereturns · 02/01/2018 16:13

Stick with the 12 children he wants. It’s absolutely fine.

If it was a whole class party and one or two weren’t invited that’s would be a problem, but this is fine.

Don’t worry.

2cats2many · 02/01/2018 16:13

It's fine to just invite 12. I think it's harsh if just one or two children are left out, but that isn't the case here.

Also, I know lots of families that have the party or present rule. Enjoy your party.

RedSkyAtNight · 02/01/2018 16:14

I think that's ok (the "rule" is less than half the class is acceptable). I'd just check on how many boys in the class - if he's invited them all bar 2 say, it might well seem a bit off.

Petalflowers · 02/01/2018 16:14

Most parents know there’s a limit, and inviting only 12is fine. I’ve never held a whole class party for my dcs (now teens). Let him invite the twelve he wants and enjoy the party.

(No. May be worth checking if that’s 12 plus birthday boy, or
R whether 12includes him).

Booboobooboo84 · 02/01/2018 16:15

Yeah that’s fine you aren’t leaving one or two out. And tbh if you were as long as there was a good reason ie. they have bullied your child/personality clash etc then leaving one or two out is fine

ILookedintheWater · 02/01/2018 16:15

Half the class, some boys some girls, as long as there isn't one boy or one girl left out it sounds fine. If there are only 9 boys in the class though then it's a bit harsh.

MarieLaure · 02/01/2018 16:15

I think that’s fine. The rule for mine is that they invite all of the boys / all of the girls / their whole class or less than half of the class (in reality mine tend not to go for all of the boys / girls, so we’ve done a few whole class parties and many with chosen friends).

0nTheEdge · 02/01/2018 16:15

I understand your anxiety, but it's great that your son has happily chosen who to invite and it's about half the class, so it's not like you're inviting most of them and only leaving out a few. I think it's entirely reasonable and if anyone has a problem with it, it's their problem. I hope he has a lovely time.

TeenTimesTwo · 02/01/2018 16:18

That's fine unless the class is unbalanced and there are only 9 boys in total 8 including him invited, and 1 not.

Iloveacurry · 02/01/2018 16:19

Stick to 12. From what I’ve learnt (I have 2 kids aged 9 and 7) some kids never have parties, so let him invite who he wants, kids he seem to talk about at home and plays with at school.

earlylifecrisis · 02/01/2018 16:23

My DD was 5 in November and we invited 12 children, 10 from her class and 2 that she has known since Very little. It was 9 pounds per head and all I could afford so that's what we did and she loved it.

We have had a few whole class parties, a couple where she has been one of 10-15 invitees and there have been a couple she's not been invited to which is totally fine.

Just do whatever you want your
Party sounds great

Original poster

Mrsknackered · 02/01/2018 16:32

Good point crisis 1 is DS, and 1 is a friend from out of school, so it's 10 from his class. It leaves 8 boys and 6 girls uninvited.

Thanks everyone! Feeling assured

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 02/01/2018 16:36

Stick to the 12 he wants.

My eldest is 9, I have never done whole class parties and I am aware of parties that my dc have not been invited to, hosted by people who are not really friends. Just invite his friends!!

formerbabe · 02/01/2018 16:38

Half is fine. It's only an issue if the whole class is invited but only a couple are left out. I've hosted parties with half the class invited...the only thing I did do was tell me dc not to boast about it incase the other children felt left out.

Originalfoogirl · 02/01/2018 16:40

There is no “rule”. You set the numbers based on how many you want to host and your child chooses who comes.

user1493413286 · 02/01/2018 16:41

12 is fine, if he was inviting 20 and leaving 5 out it would be a little mean but 12 is fine and it’s what he wants

SparklyLights · 02/01/2018 16:44

Everyone I know at school only does who they want to invite. Nobody seems to mind as people know that party prices are per head and/or have a maximum amount of children allowed and it gets very expensive.

The only time I minded was when another child invites everyone in the close-knit friendship group except my DC. There was no particular reason, there had been no fallout. It was a bit awkward and I confess I felt a bit to the parent as if I was the party parent I would just not have left one child out of a small friendship group unless there had been a fallout or incident. The DC in question just decided as the wind blew apparently. A bit of a princess. whereas I would encourage my DC to empathise with the uninvited child in the group etc. Ultimately it was no biggie though and they are still friends.

(I haven't forgotten it though! )

Aragog · 02/01/2018 16:44

My rule was always half of any group or less, or whole group.

So - half or less of a full class (but not leaving just one boy/girl out so it looks obvious someone has been excluded)

If doing an all girl/all boy party - half or less on all girls/all boys.

10/25 of his class is fine.

agentdaisy · 02/01/2018 16:46

That split is fine. Most parents know that not everyone can have a whole class party. As long as it's roughly half the class that are invited and not all bar 1 boy or girl not invited its fine.

With the split you have of roughly half the boys and half the girls from the class it's absolutely fine.

I'd just try and be discreet about handing out the invites as children can be a bit disappointed if there's a party they aren't invited too.

bunbunny · 02/01/2018 16:56

Do what you and your ds want to do - but make sure that if it is something that numbers are strictly limited at, that you write on the invites that you're sorry that it will be impossible to include any siblings or others, although parents may stay behind (if they can!)

You don't want to discover that you've had 4 siblings dumped on you because they liked the sound of it/parents wanted free childcare for all their kids/etc and that you've ended up with an extra bill for 4 kids that you don't even know...

You might find that some parents will say that they can only bring little johnny along if their little sister comes too as they need to stay with johnny as he's still little and they're single/partner is working/etc, in which case you need to decide in advance what you'll say - either 'Oh I'm sorry to hear that means you won't be able to come, ds will miss you but have a nice afternoon' (and then you can maybe invite somebody else if time/appropriate). Or oh - that's a real shame because numbers are limited to 12 so we really can't have anybody else. Or that's a shame because I am limited to 12 places for the party but if you'd like to pay for johnny's little sister to come along, that would be fine, but obviously you'll understand that I'm not in a position to pay for siblings to attend the party. Or whatever the situation is - not sure from this if it's something where you can only have 12 places or where you only want to pay for 12 spaces but there are more for others to pay for (have been to both types of party, hence my asking).

Certainly I've done/taken dc to parties at soft play places or similar that have been done on a per head basis - sometimes you drop the child and run, other times I've taken sibling along and paid for them to go to the soft play but not join in with the party. Wouldn't expect the party host to pay for siblings. Reasonable People really don't mind if you can't accommodate siblings - just make sure you're up front about it from the outset and that you're not snotty about people saying they can't come to the party if they're stuck for alternate childcare for siblings! Hope that makes sense...

(but remember too that there are often a couple of CFs that may well try to bring a sibling along, especially if you don't mention it, so worth making it explicitly clear and making sure you have the parent's mobile number in advance so they can't dump and run!)

kateandme · 02/01/2018 16:58

more than fine don't think more about it youll get in a tizz if you overthink and question from now.its fine. and brilliant this amount is the people he wants too.
you will always get the snipers so if they do just hold you chin up.dont let them make you doubt.kids parties comes with far to much anxt.this is for you dc remember that and have a fab time :)

mommybunny · 02/01/2018 17:04

When my DD was that age her (all-girls) school encouraged - knowing they couldn't "enforce" it - whole-year parties (of about 36-40 girls), but no one girl's parents was ever expected to "host" on their own. It was very common for parents of girls with birthdays near each other to club together to bring down the cost. The parties were usually simple 2 hour village hall affairs with an entertainer, sandwich tea and cake - not very expensive at all. Parents could stay or not as they chose because you never had to worry there was just one set of parents hosting.

The school encouraged this to avoid starting popularity contests at that age. By the time they were turning 6 and 7 the whole-year parties had tailed off, but I'm glad that for a time everyone was invited and no one felt left out.

The one problem was getting 40 presents that had to be acknowledged with thank you notes!

GreenShadow · 02/01/2018 17:06

Absolutely nothing wrong with this. Go for it.
He'll have an wonderful day to remember

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