To think ExMIL secretly despises me

[GlitteryFarts]

Backstory - I have 3 children with XP. He is NC with his DM as they have never really got on, clash of personalities. I have no problems with the woman and although she isn't someone is invite over for a glass of wine I'm happy enough to chat when I'm in her company. She arranges to see the DC - her grandchildren through me. She picks them up on a Sunday morning and takes them out for the day and I collect them before bed. They love going. I usually sit there for half an hour and chat over a cuppa etc.

Anyway. Christmas. I knew XP would get her nothing from the DC so I spent time and effort (and money) getting a personalised photo frame made, sorted the photographs etc and got her a bottle of her favourite fizz. She arrives with children's presents and I get absolutely zilch. Nada. Now I'm not grabby, a box of biscuits would have been fine just to acknowledge I exist and she thinks about me as...something!
She raved about her new photo frame and fizz, how thoughtful they were etc. I was happy she liked them. Wondered if maybe she had got me a little something and didn't realise I didn't get it....or thought since me and EX had split she would now stop buying me gifts? Fine by me just let me know...but no mention of anything.
She invited me and children round for New Years lunch yesterday, it was also my birthday. I got a card off her and thanked her graciously once again but realised that actually this whole present thing is continuing. FYI for her birthday I got her a bottle of vodka, chocs and flowers - yes me and EXp had split at this point.

Am I being a grabby bitch being hurt by this? I just don't understand the blurred boundaries? She used to give me gifts on Christmas and birthday and as Iv said I'm not wanting the world just a token to show she considers me? Do I stop buying her gifts now as that is what she's obviously trying to instill or is that petty because mine are "off the children".
I know you don't give to recive....but when you spend time carefully thinking about and choosing a gift for someone and then you realise they couldn't even be arsed picking you up a £2 shower set stings a bit when I go out of my way to ensure she gets to see DC on a weekly basis...

Talk some sense into me? I feel like an idiot for being hurt!

Did you sign the gift from just dc or from you & dc?

Maybe she considers the presents you give to be from the children and not from you iyswim?

From DC and myself as I always do

Some families have a children-only present rule. Maybe she is going by this mantra.

I don,t think a lack,of present means she despises you, only that she has different values on buying presents.

I think it’s great you’ve manintained a relationship with her.

gifts from the dc?

Every single gift or card my dc give to GP is down to me - solely me, sitting with them, organizing - choosing so if I personally didn't give mil anything from me - but the dc did - thats really me behind it all - so technically from me!

I think yabu to be honest, she buys for the kids, you buy from the kids. Maybe just stick to smaller token gifts from the kids if you feel like that, you definitely jumped to conclusions with thinking she despises you.

I wouldn’t think she despises you at all, she probably just thinks as you’re an adult there’s no need for her to buy you a gift, especially considering you’re her sons etc. The gifts you’re giving are signed from the children and she is choosing buying the children gifts - when the children get older start to give some of the responsibility of choosing a gift to them and maybe you won’t feel so annoyed about it. But really I can see her point of view completely, I don’t really buy any adults in my family Christmas gifts, it’s a holiday for children.