AIBU "sexy" underwear

[lostmyfeckingkeysagain]

Name changed but have been on here a long time.

A parcel has just arrived, addressed to me, containing a very revealing lacey chemise and thong set, stockings etc. I didn't order it so obviously DH did.

For background, DH has always liked "sexy" lingerie. In the early days of our relationship I would wear stuff like this for him fairly regularly but that was a good 15 years ago, pre DC, and I was a size 8 back then. I'm now a size 12-14 (so not huge but not what I once was) and my boobs have definitely suffered as a result of pregnancy and BF. I don't understand why he would want to see me in revealing stuff like this now as it's not flattering and makes me feel a bit ridiculous. I have told DH previously that this is how I feel but I also said I would make an effort to get over my insecurities if it was important to him. He responded that he doesn't understand why I would feel insecure as he finds me just as beautiful as when we met but that he doesn't want me to do anything that would make me feel uncomfortable.

We have sex regularly, although probably not as much as either of us would like as both of us working FT and small children means we're often tired. Probably averages out at 1-2 times a week. Were currently TTC baby no 3.

I don't know what to make of this. This might be his idea of trying to be romantic. But part of me feels like I'm being railroaded into something he knows I'm not keen on. Not sure if this is relevant but DH is on the Autism spectrum (although very high functioning) so sometimes he has good intentions but misses the mark.

Not sure what I'm looking for really. Just wondering how others would feel in my shoes I suppose and not sure how to approach it with him. Part of me wishes I could just put it on and feel confident and enjoy myself but I'll just be thinking about how awful I must look with my stretch marks and cellulite the whole time!

I totally understand how you feel. I am bigger than when I met my partner and do not feel as comfortable in sexy clothes as I used to. I think I'd feel quite flattered if my partner did that though; he obveously still finds you very attractive! Obviously never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable but what about using them when the lights are off at first, and then maybe with one or two tealights in the room so that DH can see a little but candle light is flattering?

I understand too op. I am also bigger than I once was and it's difficult. I used to 'dress up' for him a fair bit and used to enjoy it and felt quite good about how I looked.

Nowadays the thought fills me with dread, partly because my body has changed a lot since having kids and I have always had body issues, but also partly because part of me wonders if he wants me to dress up to cover up parts of my body as he doesn't like how I look naked (ridiculous I know).

I have done it on occasion when I feel up to it but honestly like you I just feel ridiculous most of the time. Dp swears blind this isn't the case although it does annoy me that he doesn't seem to understand fully how and why I don't feel comfortable with it like I used to. He seems to think that him telling me I look great is enough to change how I feel, when actually it's much more about how I feel about myself rather than how he feels about me.

He would never pressure or force me to do anything but I can't help but roll my eyes internally when ever he suggests it because to me that shows he doesn't get it at all.

I'm with you on this too OP. I have gained a good few stone over the last few years that looks visible to me now compared to then. I am the biggest I have ever been especially since being with DH. We recently looked at underwear together as it's something I would have done before, but tbh once it arrived I just felt daft & unattractive. Whilst DH tried to tell me I looked beautiful I just didn't feel it & if anything it killed the mood. However, when I'm in the mood I have noticed I'm not interested in dressing up currently. I'm quite happy to just be with DH. Maybe that'll change. DH & I have agreed that I'll get back to it when I'm ready & comfortable. Maybe find something that you feel sexy & comfortable in. Give yourself some time.

I have never got dressing up for sex because in my experience everything comes off within five minutes! If it were me I would ask him why he wasted his money on something I would never wear! I like nice bras and pants but hate stockings and suspenders etc I would not like my fiancé to buy underwear for me! You need to ask him about this and again explain how you feel. He probably had good intentions with this!

Honestly i would feel flattered. I am definitely not the size i was when met DP and since baby definitely more insecure however, those stretchmarks and everything else were made out of love through your children. They are your mummy marks and you should try to be proud. Your OH sounds wonderful and he clearly loves you dearly and finds you sexy. I would try it and if you still dont feel comfortable after a dress up or 2 then leave it and continue with however you feel comfortable x

Im a few sizes bigger than i was pre-children, my boobs are smaller and droopier and i probably make less of an effort with everything than i did when we got together 10 years ago.

But... I LOVE sexy underwear! Despite all the above DH still loves and desires me, and for me, theres no bigger compliment than seeing his eyes light up at the sight of me in my skimpies.

If you're just not into it anymore, thats fine, tastes change, but if its purely insecurity thats holding you back then thats a real shame.

Work on your esteem.

There seems to be a theme in the replies and your op that larger women should hide themselves and can't be sexy

There seems to be a theme in the replies and your op that larger women should hide themselves and can't be sexy

I doubt anyone here actually thinks this, I don't! I know of some stunningly beautiful larger women. But is it any surprise to you that women who might be a bit bigger than they used to be would feel insecure about their bodies? It's not a new thing, women have always been shamed over their appearance in one way or another, that kind of societal pressure is bound to have an impact on women's self esteem and personal relationships.