AIBU to feel like a crappy older Mum

[Vanillafrosty]

This is a bit outing so will be brief, I have adult children and a 5 year old (from second marriage) My older children were not perfect and I was in my 20's then so more energy etc.

However my 5 year old is running rings around me he won't sleep through the night (never has), is so strong willed he ends up getting his own way most of the time, he is driving me bonkers. in a nutshell I am bloody knackered and feel like a really crappy Mum!!

Hubby works shifts and long hours I feel like I have done Xmas/ New Year alone and to top it off Grandparents are no help, Mine have passed away and paternal Grandparents are all for the other Grandchildren in the family. We have a large age gap and it has never been an issue apart from me feeling knackered and old.

I love my child but sometimes I want a break from the little terror my adult children are all judgemental regarding the bad behaviour and say the child is spoilt!!!

apologies for ranty moaning post!!!

i can't advise as I have only one child. But I had her in my late 30s. I often muse about how I would have been a different parent in my 20s. I certainly would have had more energy but not the same life experience. I think I am a better Mum now than I would have been then.

Don't beat yourself up, you are doing your best and your little one needs love more than anything, and you can give that exhausted or not.

Perhaps you could post on another topic about the behaviour issues and get advice there?

I wouldn't put too much store in your adult children's opinions either, all siblings think the others get more leeway - no matter what age they are! I would be asking them what practical support they can give since they feel they know more about parenting than you do? A spot of babysitting to give you a break perhaps?

Be kind to yourself!

You say yourself that the child gets his way as it is easier for you so I can see why your adult children think he is spoilt so I don’t think you should dismiss what they are saying to you.
Could you sit down with your adult children and explain just how hard you are finding it, ask for their help. Speak to your husband and see if he can reduce his hours whilst you try to sort your younger child’s behaviour out?
Agree with the whole family what you want to do going forward and then stick to it.

I'd ask your adult children if they have any suggestions that would help. Telling you your ds is spoilt isn't really much use, especially when you are finding things difficult.
I always tried to tire my boy out. He thought we lived in the park we were there every day. Hope things get easier for you

I'm the eldest of 5 siblings with a 15 year gap between me and my youngest brother. My mother totally spoilt him and he was a total utter brat (and still is at 18!). He was, and still is, allowed to treat people with total disrespect that none of the rest of us would ever have even thought to. He has grown from a spoilt little 5 year old having tantrums and demanding his own way to the exact same at 18 year old. He thinks the world and everyone in it owes him something.

I can only suggest things based upon my own experience but my mum should've used the work NO more often. She felt like she was doing what she could for an easy life at the time but in the end it made her life 100 times worse as he grew up.

Older mum to a ds who only slept for a few hours per night.

My advice would be to not sweat the small stuff.

As long as he isn't in danger of harming himself or anyone else then a lot if things can be let go.

I am also a great believer in running around the park or any other safe area. I know it is knackering but the resulting tired child is delayed gratification.

At that age have you started him on any activity like gymnastics or drama or something where he has to show a certain amount of discipline to get to be the best, which also knackers him out.

Also I don't know where your local IKEA is and whether they still do it but they used to do a free creche for an hour. I used to drop mine there and go and relax with a cup of coffee (free with an Ikea card).

Mmmm op guessing your older children are not parents??

We have 5 kids and our older 3 were all 8 years plus older then the younger two. My teenagers all thought their siblings were spoilt. They were not. Now all grown up they are all close.

I find those without kids often see younger children as spoilt. I definatiy did.

My guess is you are experiencing a confidence dip. Set your house rules and stick to them. Tell your adult kids to butt out.

You can remind them of their supirior parenting skills when they experience the reality

Boys can be a bit better behaved when Daddy lays down the law - get some back up from your husband. Both of you try sitting the kid down and having a serious chat with him - your DH leading it.