Is this PND?

[Unsure1123]

Name changed for this one but long time poster. Go easy on me please but prepared to accept if I'm wrong!
Had my first DC 8 months ago, whilst on mat leave we've moved (selling and buying) took 3 months very stressful, had to do immediate building work on the new place (took 3 months but now completed) so thats 6 months gone of 11 month mat leave. My baby is thriving she was perfectly healthy etc when born and has been for the whole 8 months and is hitting all the right 'milestones' although I don't look too much into that sort of stuff, I prefer to just do a lot by instinct and let her be. For the first few months of mat leave I was on top of the world then feeling down crept in but I fought it as I knew really it was hormones etc. I went on the pill and felt better for it but sometimes I feel almost despair, I don't particularly want to see anyone (except my baby and DH) I find that friends are really just let downs and don't really care about me, I can't be arsed to "make plans" and everything just seems so hard. But being with my baby and my husband is easy, I enjoy it and we're happy. J have horrendous "baby brain" i have zero memory and seem to zone out when people talk, and i struggle in conversations i just want to sit quietly or play with the baby, I just can't put my finger on it but I just don't feel 100% myself and I'm going back to work in March and I know I need to sort myself out but I'm not sure how or what to say to GP etc. I'm going back to work in a new role which I'm excited about 4 days a week so I'm looking forward to that so nothing to do with that.

For context we TTC for years, struggled with money and to get anywhere with my career and really wanted to move. In the last year I've got a baby (conception happened out of the blue unexpected) got a major promotion and a new big house for a cheap price in a great area - this is NOT a stealth boast, before this we always felt "unlucky" and now I've got everything we wished for all at once and I feel sort of shell shocked by it all. I'm not sure if this is some type of PND and I'm struggling with how to word it/describe it in real life to get help, I do think I need something other than the pill to control it as it's worse around period time but not sure what to ask for.

I'm so sorry this is a massive ramble.

Ah love you need to be kind to yourself.

It's lovely things have gone well for you finally.

If you're really feeling out of sorts then I would discuss it with a doctor. There's no shame in it and they'll hopefully be able to advise you.

Please be gentle with yourself and your emotions.

@violet see that made me well up! Which is so unlike me pre baby. All my female friends are tough 'put up a front' sort of women and I can't discuss it with them because they also think I'm my pre baby tough loud outgoing self but I'm just not anymore, I feel fragile but I don't know why!

Hi OP. Congrats on your baby and your promotion! What a whirl wind year. Sometimes a lot of change can knock the wind out of us and it might just be that. A struggle to mentally keep up with all the enormous changes you've seen.

Why not speak to your GP? If it is or isn't PND it'd do you well to talk to someone. Even if it isn't, going back to work is a big deal after a long period off and it might be a confidence booster to chat to someone else for a bit and work through the busy year you've had? Good luck with the new role.

I think people really enjoy striving for 'what's next' and you've realised many of those things in a short period of time and have no 'what's next' left and feel like you're just existing!

Babies slow you down and I think you need to enjoy that they do 'make' you go at their pace. It's a big adjustment, when lives are peiously busy

Get some new friends

Congratulations by the way!

Thank you for your kind responses. I've booked a doc appointment for next week to discuss this and try and get my head round it. We were just saying last night we need to plan and book some fun stuff so we've got stuff to look forward to, I definitely don't want to just 'exist' mainly for my DDs sake.

Have you made any new friends with babies? You sound a bit isolated. Time alone with husband/baby is lovely, if balanced with the company of others too. Make an effort to focus on other people, ask questions, chat about things other than babies. I made lots of friends through baby groups. I was nervous at first but enjoyed the mental stimulation of talking to people. When you're at home with a baby all day it becomes all consuming. I think a lot of 'baby brain' is caused by social isolation and boredom.

Your old friends don't sound like they suit you now. Find some new ones you can really talk to, be yourself with (the new you not the one putting on a tough front). And do speak to your GP- withdrawing, forgetfulness, lack of interest in others and things you used to enjoy, low motivation, can all be signs of PND. I had it and felt a lot better on meds.

It doesnt really sound like PND - it just sounds like you are knackered and conserving your energy for your baby. Totally understandable given the crazy amount of new things, work, stress you have had other the last 12 months.

Don't worry about it - as baby grows, the inconvenience and decision-fatigue of buying/selling/building work pales into the past, and you get into your new job you'll find your interest in/emotional room for friends increases.

Congratulations! Life is on Full Throttle in a wonderful way but don't underestimate how overwhelming it all is.

Based on my own experience of PND I would say you're just kind of tired and regrouping and just in your protective little cubby hole with your new family. I'm still this way with the kids and I have no babies. They're all big! But socialising is not important to me. I nurture friendships but it's family first. I can happily spend every weekend in pyjamas with the DH and kids. I'm tired! I think you're super tired but in love with your family!

Having kids is just knackering. I think you're operating on total love and battery-saver. You have enough energy to put into your immediate family and needs and that's it. I'm still like this!

It may be a bit of PND (I don't think it is but talk to your GP) or anaemia/ being rundown. Get our bloods tested for sure. Post-partum anaemia can run you down that first year after birth. Having kids runs us down! You've had a lot on your plate.

It sounds like you've had a lot going on and a very stressful time and it's totally normal to feel a bit overwhelmed - I know I did when DS was born and I wasn't having to deal with moving either! Defo speak to your GP if you feel you need some more support they will advise you! Congrats on your baby, job and house and good luck

It's good you've made an appointment OP. I'm sorry you're feeling out of sorts. Best of luck and really hope the chat with your GP helps

What a lovely bunch of people thank you. I did go to several baby groups but I found some quite clicky (cliquey?) And some which did not suit me at all (baby yoga) but we do go swimming once a week for baby lessons but no one that seems forthcoming to make friends IYSWIM? I wouldn't have a clue how to make that happen,I've got and had a lot of friends on and off but I find it really hard to be close to people because I bottle up and I don't like all the little dramas (that sounds so selfish I know) I think I'd prefer a lot of acquaintances! I dunno really. I just need to regroup get in a routine with work and see the doc and hopefully everything will fall into place! Believe it or not my closest friend has 2 DDs and just seems frustrated with me most of the time like she's forgotten the baby phase and can't understand why I can't just up and see them some days with no notice. I prefer to plan and know what I'm doing with so much going on around me.

@Thevanguard I see what you mean and I agree! At least I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Anyway rambling again!

How are you this week?

I found medication helped as did taking the action of accepting i wasn't coping. CBT didn't work and I'm about to begin group classes.