I have had problems with oh on and off for a while. We reached rock bottom in 2016 and split for 4 months. I run a business that he is integral to in spite of not being a shareholder/director (have sought bleh all advice and is not a black and white situation)
I suspect our work situation is partially responsible for my decision to give him another chance.
Last year was not without its challenges and I am not always rational or over the shitstorm that was 2016.
My kids accept that we are dating again but not keen on the idea. I do not expect them to play happy families and have restricted contact to the times when they are with their dad.
Recently my nearly 16 y/o son (ASD) has vetoed staying at his dad's for some difficult encounters with dad's gf.
I have liaised with ex to ensure kids' needs are at the centre of our focus but obviously sometimes things don't always work like clockwork.
I am committed to the wellbeing of my kids 100%.
As a result of the above I have not had any time without children (unless I'm working) for about 4-5 months.
I accept that kids grow up and nrp contact changes and although I miss cf time I'm not about to prioritise that over my kids (ie I suck it up because this is a transitional stage and all part of being a parent).
This has been a bone of contention with my oh who has repeatedly over the past few weeks stated that our ability to be intimate is being affected because although my younger two are happy to sleep over at their dad's, my eldest would prefer to see his dad but not sleep over.
Last night, this conversation came up again, ostensibly because he wants us to be able to be intimate without worrying about offending/waking up/offending my son.
I said that if these were our children, we'd have to manage it just like every other married couple with kids and his needs for grunty sex doesn't trump my role as a mum.
Fast forward to this morning and the discussion resumed. I said that instead of him arguing with me about childcare, we could actually have had sex.
His reply was: "yes quiet, boring sex. Or maybe we could have held hands. Whoopee"
I was really hurt and have basically said that we're done. We have a strong s x drive and I'm not blind to the fact that no kids in the house makes life a bit more interesting but I now feel that unless we have 'porn sex' it's basically a waste of time in his mind.
I've told him this is a deal breaker for me. I've given it my best shot but our sex life doesn't come at the expense of a few months of my kids transitioning from kids to young adults.
I feel utterly drained. I just need to know if I'm being precious or if I'm justified to dump him.
Am a regular reader/poster and feeling really quite sad because have been with him 6 years.