to feel so emotional about giving up BF?

[MotherofPearl]

DD2 is just about to turn 20 mo and is still BF to sleep at night, and as we co-sleep, when she wakes in the night I tend to settle her with BF. I did this with my other 2 DC, but around this age weaned them fully, and DP took over the bedtime routine for a while, putting them to bed with milk in a sippy cup. We then worked on gradual transition to their own beds.

We've agreed to begin this change with DD2 tomorrow evening, but as I'm lying here putting her to sleep this evening I feel inordinately upset about it. She is certainly my last DC, so that is probably part of it - letting go of going through the little baby stage again. I hope she will tolerate the change tomorrow okay.

So - am I ridiculous for feeling so emotional about this, or have others felt the same? Everyone else I know seems to have had a very pragmatic attitude to it, which makes me think I'm attaching too much importance to it.

Also, I'm planning on going 'cold turkey' which is what I did with my other two, simply because I don't know how else to end the BF. Can anyone suggest any gentler alternatives? I've read lots of things where people say it just 'fizzled out naturally' which sounds great to me. But I don't see any signs of fizzling out from DD2.

Awwww. You’re not unreasonable at all. Longer term BFing is a sort of relationship between you and our child and the end of that journey can be hard. Be aware that the hormone change you can experience can be kind of PND feeling albeit usually briefly... but make sure you’re actually happy about your decision as that will influence how you feel. Just because you weaned your other children at this age doesn’t mean you need to do this time. FWIW our of my four two were encouraged to wean due to pregnancy and two self weaned. All four were older than 2 but younger than 3...dropping the bedtime feed is the biggest challenge imho. So maybe just try dropping that and seeing what happens?
Good luck.

Why wean her if you're not ready? Wait a while

Why do you have to wean if you don't want to?

Why not let her self wean at natural term? It may be easier for all of you! My first weaned at 5yrs old. My second is 3.5yrs and benefits massively from being still bf in my view...

It is so hard. I was devastated when we stopped and I would have loved to keep going. I know it's so hard, and even if it is signalling the end of the baby phase, you still are their mum for the rest of their lives

Thanks everyone. Your comments have given me food for thought. I guess I hadn't given a lot of thought about why I'd chosen this age, other than I have a vague feeling that I 'ought to'. Given that even writing my post had me in tears, maybe I'm not ready. No harm in keeping going for a bit longer. I know I have to go away for work in June, so that may force my hand.

But reassuring to know that I'm not alone in having a lot of emotional investment in this.

I totally get you, I felt the same way when my son weaned and if I'm honest I was a bit low for a week or two after. I have a baby now who is ebf and I'm considering letting her self wean ( although that's a long long way off yet) because of how I felt last time and I know she's my last baby ( need a crying emoji).

I weaned DS at about 18 months. He only had a bf when offered by then so I did the don't offer don't refuse way which worked really well.

Bfing was really important to me at the time. But after a month I lost 7lb without trying which was nice. And I felt more like me again. My relationship with ds was never affected at all. He is 4 now and still a cuddle monster who wants hugs and kisses and cuddles.

And I rarely think about bfing at all these days. It was (for me anyway) part of ds being little and dependant on me for something only I could give him. Now he is older and doesn't need it. And that isnt to say that bfing for longer or until term is wrong or bad. Just that our bfing journey was complete and we were into a new stage.

Maybe try not offering and see how it goes?

Continuing to bf only had benefits in my view. It's a fantastic bond and has great benefits during illnesses and tantrums etc even with a 3yrs, 4yrs old etc. As I mentioned I'm letting my kids self wean and this has not stopped me from leaving them occasionally, for a few nights/days whenever required. How long will you be away from your kids for in June?

I understand how u feel completly, my dd is 3 on thursday, we hav just stopped bf and i miss it terribly., lots of tears shed.
She is my last child aswell, iv got 5 children and hav bf every one for at least 2yrs, its been a big part of my life.

Dh loves it though, says he has finally got his titties bak

oblada, in June I'll be away for a week, which seems too long to go back to bf afterwards. I think we could manage a night or two (I have the odd night away planned before that which I don't think will be a problem). I guess by June she will be two. I'm going to discuss delaying stopping with my DP this evening and see what he thinks. He will be sympathetic I'm sure.

Please don't do it if it's making you feel sad x

My 4.5 year old breastfeeds to sleep and on waking in the morning. I night weaned at 2.5 as her wanting to feed every 2 hours was doing me in and I was practically tripping over the bags under my eyes. Night weaning went better than I expected; I explained that there would be no more milk til morning but she could have a cuddle to go back to sleep. There was a little resistance to it at first but we soon settled into the new routine.
I plan on letting DD self wean when she's ready. It's so important to her l wouldn't want to take it away til she's ready. She did say she'll stop when she's 5 but now that's approaching she says it'll be 6!
They're not little for long and breastfeeding is such a comfort to them. Don't force weaning until you're both ready.

Thanks to your reassurances, I talked to DP and we've decided to leave things as they are for now, and work towards a more gentle transition, hopefully getting it right by mid-June when I have to be away.

Meanwhile, here I am BF DD2 to sleep on my bed and really enjoying that contented feeling.

Well done! There is really no hurry. Nothing to be gained by stopping before you are both ready. You may even decide to carry on past June, one week break is not such a big deal :)

You don't have to go cold turkey. You can still offer for comfort if your child gets hurt or upset. Then she might self-wean in a few weeks or months.