To not give a gift?

[SilverBirchTree]

DH and I are in the bridal party of an upcoming wedding. Bride grew up abroad and the wedding is in her home town, a small remote village popular with tourists.

When the couple got engaged three years ago DH and I were childfree, two incomes, lots of holiday time accrued..etc. we were very excited to take part in the wedding.

We’ve since bought a house, changed jobs, had a baby and gone down to one income. What would have been a jolly carefree adventure three years ago is now an expensive and challenging undertaking.

The wedding is at peak tourist time and in a remote area. We have spent literally thousands already on flights and accomodation for the weekend. We haven’t yet paid for car rental, car seat, insurance etc. it’s all getting rather stressful.

We just received an email from the couple asking for cash instead of gifts.

AIBU to be considering just giving them a card and hoping they understand?

I would just give them a card as true friends will understand and I'm hoping/guessing they're true friends given you're in the wedding party.

Whilst gifts are optional, if I were you I would try to find something inexpensive but meaningful that you could give them instead. Maybe a framed (cheap but nice frame) with a photo of you all in?

Giving cash as a wedding present may be standard practice in the brides home country.
However when you have paid out thousands of pounds to attend their wedding, I think the bride and groom are rather cheeky to ask for a wedding gift at all.

Yabu, if you are spending thousands already would an extra £50 really make much difference? Or buy a cheaper, more personal token gift, not everyone will donate money as a lot of people dont like the idea.

@Poshindevon I sort of feel the same way. When I saw an email from the bride to DH and I with the subject line ‘wedding gifts’, I assumed it was a note to say not to worry about gifts given the lengths we’re going to to attend. Was very surprised to see a request for cash instead and i guess that’s why I’m feeling a bit about it.

A framed photo is sweet and you can easily do it for under £10. Prople.dp loose site of what is realistic with weddings sometimes xx

I probably would have done a framed photo before I saw the email which specifically asks for cash, not things. Is it rude to ignore that?

Just buy a token gift. We asked for money or vouchers i realise now this is seen as cheeky but we didn't mean 100s like a fiver Argos voucher etc so we could put it towards a toaster or something. We got photo frames or hand towels too.

Carry on with the framed photograph. You are travelling a long way at an enormous expense

I would not give cash money as a gift. I would ignore it and give the framed photo.
If the bride or groom have the audacity to mention to you again about a cash gift.
I would say that the cost of travelling to be with them on their special day should be gift enough !

An extra £50 does make a difference if you don’t have it. Everything spent on this wedding will be coming out of the family budget. They are rude to ask for gifts.

Yep the £50 would come from another part of the family budget and would be missed.

The ‘reasonable amount to spend supporting friends’ budget has been spent many times over on this one event already, I’m not keen to sacrifice anything else for it

Is it normal to expect gifts at a destination wedding?

A handful of people flew to our wedding and I called them all to say that their plane ticket was our gift.

I think people have got a bit of cheek saying that when you’ve paid to go abroad for their wedding. I think people should aay genuinely we don’t want anything as you’ve paid to come