to think DF's Dog can sit on the floor?

[CornyCollins]

Am so fed up! DF and DM have been here for Xmas and NY.

Have had a lovely week and the DCs have loved them being here. DH has a great relationship with them and we've all really got on well. (DM is amazing but DF can be occasionally a bit lazy and moany).

Now my DF is driving me mad insisting their dog has to be allowed on the sofa. She isn't elderly, infirm or injured. She has a lovely soft bed with pillows and shit that we have in the same room. But he has insisted she be allowed on the sofa at all times the way she is at their house. Sometimes she's happily asleep on her bed but he shouts her over to him when he goes to sit down because HE wants her to sit on the sofa with him, not because SHE wants to be on there. When left to her own devices she goes to her bed!

I am not a dog owner but if I was I wouldn't allow them on the sofa. To be honest there are 5 of us and we have one sofa so it's just as much about bloody room as anything else! Obviously that's my personal opinion and choice but I have put covers on the sofa to avoid arguments and allowed the dog on the sofa for their visits. She's lovely and I don't have anything against her, really.

Now (and tonight particularly) he's stepped it up a level and is insisting that if she's on there when the rest of the family come in (from washing the dishes or after dinner) and are looking to sit down and maybe watch a film or something that they should sit on the floor because the dog was there first!? She sprawls out taking up 3 out of 5 of the sofa seats (she's huge) and he sits there all uppity and openly hostile when I try to move her off so that my DM or DH can sit down!!

I'm sorry and she's very sweet but it's a fucking DOG in MY house and you are getting angry and unpleasant because I move her off the sofa to her huge fluffy bed so that other people have somewhere to sit!??

He's incredibly childish when he's had a few drinks and tonight he's just about hit my limit. I've moved away from the situation to avoid an argument. My DM has already had a go at him about it and said he's being totally unreasonable but he just digs his heels in.

He knows he's being goady but just can't help himself, giving me the finger as I turn away etc.

AIBU?

He gave you the finger?? I don't think it's about the dog at all, it's him trying to be incharge of everyone. What was he like when you were growing up? All his way? He probably finds it very difficult to be your guest not your dictator.

the dog wouldnt even get inside my house let alone on the sofa

He is definitely more argumentative now he’s older. And he gets a bee in his bonnet about stuff that didn’t bother him in the slightest years ago. Does that happen with age?

He’s a bit of a “know it all” and I have fallen out with him over things he’s said to DM. Honestly I think he’s just a bit belligerent as he gets older, particularly after a glass of wine and you’re all absolutely right, he was sort of spoiling for a fight tonight which is so stupid as he always says he’d be “heartbroken” if I ever really fell out with him.

DM gets very upset at the idea of a big row between us so I do try to keep the peace but tonight I did just say “stop being arsey about it, she needs to get off” and walked away (which is when he stuck his tongue out and flipped me off).
The irony is that with their first dog years ago they were super strict and barely let the poor thing out of the kitchen..ever! Now he feeds this one from his fork and tells me I’m cruel for not allowing her to take over the house!

Anyhoo, Happy New Year all!! I’ll deal with DF Tosspot tomorrow!

Your house, your rules.

At my house, the dog is allowed on the furniture. At other peoples' houses he only gets on the furniture if they allow it.

Be very calm but keep repeating yourself - the dog doesn't get the sofa. You can go home if you don't like it. And repeat.

YANBU at mums house her dogs bag the sofas and I sit on the floor, in my house they can damn well move same as my dog has to. Dogs are all allowed on the sofas in my house if no one is sitting there and if mum wants to sit on the floor and give the dog her seat that's her business but no one else has to.

You are not being unreasonable at all.
I am a huge dog fan in fact I think I like them more than people hehe.
I have a tiny little dog and I let her sit on the sofa.
BUT I would never expect her to be allowed to do this at other people's homes. I don't even take her with me unless she is invited.
I think it's pretty rude to expect you to allow the dog on your furniture ! Will your parents be going home soon ? If it was me I would just tell the dog to get down she is probably better trained than your dad

Could he bring a throw or you provide one and put it on the sofa?

I would actually suspect some kind of MH issues. This behaviour is really not normal. Has he been through something traumatic recently? Or does he generally have form for unreasonable behaviour?

Alzheimers even? It seems like odd behaviour. Is the dog a lap dog? If so, could it could sit on his lap not on the sofa?? This way he's got the comfort of having his dog and people can still sit down, also then the dog is not directly on your furniture.
It sounds like challenging behaviour. Has he always been like this or is it a recent occurrence? Is it since he's had the dog even?

indigo OP says in her opening post:

She sprawls out taking up 3 out of 5 of the sofa seats (she's huge)

Hardly a lap dog.

I would also be wondering if this is an indication of him developing dementia - particularly as you say he is insistent the dog gets on the sofa when the dog doesn't even fucking want to get on the sofa. And sticking his tongue out and giving you the finger - is this relatively normal behaviour for him?

Oops, that is a HUGE dog. Sorry OP, definitely not a lapdog then! Definitely in the basket with her!
It sounds like your DF has some "issues". In the past he has said he'd be heartbroken if you and he fell out, yet he sounds like he is spoiling for a fight. Can you talk to your DM? Find out how he is at home?

You are not being unfair. I feel sorry for you and hope there is a solution.

Was coming on to say dementia. Sounds like totally unreasonable behaviour which can come with dementia. Also inappropriate behaviour like giving the finger/ sticking out his tongue. It can cause people to return to childish behaviour.
Even if you don't think its dementia you could have a chat tomorrow saying how worried you are that he is showing signs of dementia and that you are going to set up an appointment with a consultant. If he is just being obnoxious that might smarten him up.

This thread has reminded me of a boyfriend I had that used to make me get up and sit on the floor so his mums dog could sit on the sofa 😂I was naive and 16, should not have put up with that!

YANBU at all.Our dog sits on the sofa but any human takes priority so he has to get down when told (although being small he just decamps to the arm of the sofa)

Two dog house here. Both allowed on the sofa in our home. Rarely take our two to anyones but if we do they abide by who we're visitings rules.

Could you use humour, gentle teasing to deal with it? His behaviour is so juvenile could you just laugh it off as it is so patently ridiculous? Maybe enlist other members of the family if he'd take it better from them. Basically change the dynamic and refuse to take his silliness seriously?

(((Hugs))) OP.
What breed is she. just curious