Do I just give up? Is this the end?

[Rossigigi]

Agghhhh long story, but in short, have a male 'best friend'. He then became a 'friends with benefits'.

So this went on for 4 years. This year he declared his undying love for me. I responded with how it was such a bad idea because I had teens, he didn't have kids, I couldn't meet his lifestyle (like 4 holidays per year) because my money goes on university etc etc etc

Then I thought 'f**k' what have I done? Messaged him, you know what, you are right, let's give it ago etc

He comes back with 'no you were right, it would be to complicated etc

Since then, we've been out for several meals, done activities, been to the cinema and even went to London last weekend for 2 nights.

But what do I do? I really do love him. But it's like tonight, he knows I'm in with my boys, yet he's going out (which doesn't bother me) and I text him and said 'Happy New Year incase the lines are busy tonight' and he just text back 'Happy New Year Too X'.

He texts me every morning around 6:45-7-00am to say good morning. Texts throughout the day. And texts me last thing at night to say goodnight. I counted over a few days and we send between 130-350 texts each day.

My head is saying 'wake up smell the coffee,if he wanted to be with you he would'

My heart is saying 'if he didn't want you around he wouldn't spend all day texting you, he wouldn't take you out for meals etc, he wouldn't spoil your boys and he wouldn't take you away for weekends and spoil you with your fav gifts'

MN tell me what to do............... (be gentle please)

Ask him to marry you..then you will know

It sounds like you are together though but just not officially so; it doesn’t sound like either of you are free to move on.
I had a similar situation with my OH then after nearly a year of going back and forth I said to him we either do this properly or I can’t see or speak to you any more as we just felt stuck. That was 4 years ago and It worked out for us so I hope it works for you too.

What do you expect would change if you were in a relationship? (Because aside from being able to say he is your partner I don’t think there would be a massive change)

Although he texts a lot, there's a world of different between the arms length of texts and FWB, and being in a proper full on committed relationship where DC are involved.

If he's never had kids he may not understood the sacrifices and compromises involved It will change the dynamics of your relationship. He's used to having the best of all worlds, because that's what FWB is meant to be about.

I agree you need to have an honest conversation and either move forward together or move on. Up to 350 texts a day isn't a good habit as it keeps things at arms length and you both need an injection of real world interaction, f2f not at distance.

@Rossigigi

If you want him tell him your terms. If he can't or won't step up , walk away. NC.

You have to set boundaries for yourself or this will rumble on for years til he meets someone else,

I agree with PP that you need to talk to him, not text him. The constant texting is actually a problem I think as you are probably using it as a way of keeping in constant contact with him, but in an indirect enough way that neither of you are making a real commitment or having a proper discussion with him about what you want.

Aghhh, I've just reread my post of 09:33 and noticed I wrote

'I hope he DIDNT text'.... 😳😳😳. I really didn't mean to type that and meant to type that I hoped he DID text.

So sorry.

Why do you want to walk away you still have a relationship and you could be right that him moving in with you and your teens, joining finances, living together 24/7 might be complicated and could affect your relationship and caus3 resentments. He may have given thought to your concerns and found that he agreed with you.

It sounds as though now that it’s no longer on offer and so you want it more, his feelings haven’t changed. Ultimatums rarely have the desired outcome in the long term, be careful what you wish for.

Did he text? Not that it should be a deciding factor

What happened with the NYE texting OP?

Any update OP?