MIL - Self Absorbed

[summer25]

We've spent a lot of time with my MIL over Christmas/NY as my DH's an only child and my FIL died around 15 months ago. AIBU to be pd off because all she ever does is speak about herself? Whenever I, my DH or DC speak about anything, she turns the conversation around to be about her. I know I should be more tolerant but it's really starting to do my head in. She just seems to be totally disinterested in anything we have to say. We spend far more time with her than my family for various reasons and I really miss them all which makes this situation even worse. My DH is fiercely protective about her so I can't say anything to him. Would it annoy you too?

I stopped my dm doing this recently, she does it about my db, tho. She asks how DH is, I get 10 seconds to answer before she starts on about m db. She did the usual interruption to talk about db (who did the same job as DH years ago) and I stopped her and told her she always did this and did she actually want to know about DH? Certainly made her think.

I can understand how you must feel Maelstrop and good for you for confronting your DM. I don't think I could do that with my MIL or I would be ex-communicated and my DH would probably never speak to me again!!

It's an old woman thing. My mother was like it for years, she's now so old she can hardly string two words together. A mixed blessing. Sad

I have exactly the same problem as you. MIL came to stay for a week recently and in that time she didn't ask me one thing about myself or even about the DC's. It's not even that I want to talk about myself it's just that to me it seems to show that she is just not interested.

When she launches in to one of her long monologues about Jim and Julie or whoever it is I now nudge DH to listen and I politely disappear. But I feel your frustration!

Glad to know I'm know I'm not alone! To make matters worse, we're all going on holiday together next Summer. You can take the dutiful DIL thing too far sometime!!!

Play her at her own game. You say blah blah she says ah but me blah blah. You then look disinterested and repeat what you said. Interupting chicken that mil ass.

I think it's a very easy habit for people who live on their own to get into.

My mother does it. Just like a regurgitation of every single thought she's had since she last saw us. I suspect she's been on her own for so long she's forgotten how to have an actual, two-sided conversation.

My widowed mum does this. So does my divorced sister. They go off into monologues where they are repeating thought trains they have obviously gone over and over in their heads while they were on their own. They don't seem need or want any sort of response just someone to sit and listen. If I try and say something in response they talk over me. I try to be understanding but sometimes I just tune out. We have never been particularly close but this has made us even more distant.

I think with those two it is a combination of their loneliness plus an innate sense of their own importance which was always there but less obvious to the outside world when they had partners to talk to. I know other people who are in similar situations who are much less self obsessed and boring. I hope I have a good enough relationship with my adult DCs that if I ever get like that they will (kindly) set me straight.

My SIL does this all the time. DH, DS & I are now highly skilled at getting the conversations back on track!

“Thats nice SIL” is our stock response to her attempts to turn the conversations on to her.

My mum does this too. It drives me mad and makes me wonder why I bother phoning her. She asks a question or I start talking about dh/dds/me and she just interrupts and starts talking about her ex next door neighbours, third cousin, twice removed, whose had the same experience. .

Hello LizzieS, you could be my sister as my Mum is exactly the same. She also told me she didn't like hearing about my friends or my children's friends as she didn't know them .... hypocritical woman.