To feel disappointed by my mum

[ElephantsYeah]

I love my mum. I really do.

But... she doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with my ds (age 2). My dsis lives with her and has a ds just a few months younger than mine, so I get that mum wouldn't always want to spend more time with a toddler, but this is really upsetting me now.

For example, my son's nursery is closed on Tuesday and both me and dh have to be back at work then, so I asked mum if she'd like to babysit, she has never had ds for a day btw, not once - but gets jealous of the relationship he has with mil, who has him overnight occasionally to give me and dh a break (this is despite mil having medical issues and also looking after my niece every week). She initially said yes, but I had a call from dsis this morning saying that dsis and her ds were coming instead. Actually, I am more than happy for dsis to have ds, but just feel like mum is completely unreliable, and it feels as though she doesn't love him (or me). I know it's not her job to look after my ds. I know I have no right to expect her help (I asked her this time and thought in my head that it would be the last time I ask), but this time I thought she'd be pleased to have the opportunity to spend time with him.

Would I be unreasonable to never ask my mum for help again and to just write her off as a reliable grandparent in ds's life. What do I say when she complains that ds is so close mil? I actually feel really hurt by this, it makes me feel like she doesn't love my ds.

I imagine she does love your DS but you don't prove love by babysitting.

TBH, if your MIL has health issues there's no way I'd be asking for childcare as it's selfish yet your posts indicate you judge how much they love their grandchildren by the amount of care they provide.

Your mum isn't obliged to babysit neither did she have to arrange an alternative sitter for you but she did,

Maybe she actually prefers you to be there whilst she enjoys his company so that she is free to do that rather than be the babysitter.

You're right. You don't prove love by babysitting. But you can't form a bond by not seeing someone, or making an effort. She never invites us round and never accepts my invites either. But will drop everything to help my other dsis (I have 2, one lives with her, one doesn't) with her three dc. I don't mind that she helps my dsis, I know her hands are full but I'm questioning why she doesn't help me. Ever.

I suppose I'm being selfish to expect the same treatment as my sisters. What a fucking bitch I must be to try and get my mum to have a relationship with my son by getting them to spend time together. What a Cow I must be!

As for mil, she asks to spend time with ds, and asks for overnight stays, should I deny her that because you think it's unacceptable for her to have him with poor health, having never met her or having zero understanding of her health issues?

I think your mum is being very unkind.

You're better off not asking in the future then you can't be disappointed.