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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 1am is not the time

25 replies

Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 07:43

To be asking me to decide my New Years Eve plans?

My SO launched this discussion at 1am today when I was yawning and about to go to bed, and could barely keep my eyes open . I said I'd think about it in the morning when I woke up (knowing I had to be up at 7). SO said 'well if you don't want to do anything together I'll stay at my house on my own and get drunk there'

This is not the only issue in our relationship, but I don't see why I had to decide, or come up with a plan there and then. Especially as it's not been mentioned at all over Xmas.

OP posts:
tuttifritti · 31/12/2017 07:46

Yes, very annoying to put you on the spot when you needed sleep.

You sound unsure about the relationship

Original poster
Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 08:04

I was really tired. I just wasn't able to think or decide what I wanted to do there and then. I don't think SO got that.

It's been a difficult year for us for many reasons, our relationship isn't as good as it has been and I am not sure SO still wants to be with me.

OP posts:
Paperchains1986 · 31/12/2017 08:11

His alternative plan clearly doesn't need arranging any further in advance than 11.59pm tonight so totally unreasonable for your partner to demand an answer there and then. Perhaps if he/she was booking tickets to a show or something (though obv a bit last min) that would be one thing but their throwing their toys out the pram like that is embarrassing for an adult.

I think it is probably a wider issue too, and their annoyance at other potentially unreasonable things is making them act out?

Original poster
Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 10:41

There may be other annoyances but I'm not a mind reader and nothing else has been raised. Apart from that we spend too much time at my house apparently but then SO also says he prefers it her, that my place is tidied and more comfortable.

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ATeardropExplodes · 31/12/2017 10:42

I am not sure SO still wants to be with me

Text him at midnight and say 'you asked if I had plans and I didn't - but your attitude made me realise that yes I do have plans, to have a great 2018 and beyond without you. So thanks for that. Fuckity bye'.

AnotherWorry · 31/12/2017 10:45

^^ brilliant idea. NY, new start. He sounds like a right dick.

BTW, what does SO stand for?

AnotherWorry · 31/12/2017 10:46

Oh, 'significant other'?

Is he? He doesn't sound v significant.

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2017 10:47

Significant Other?

RedHelenB · 31/12/2017 10:48

I think YABU it's only the day before so he's hardly hassling you?

Original poster
Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 10:49

Hmm, I don't really want to end our relationship. I just don't want to be put on the spot about new year plans at 1am.

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Original poster
Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 10:50

It was more the timing. Raise it at 8pm, or at 8am. Or any time just not when I'm ready for my bed.

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RainyApril · 31/12/2017 10:58

What was his first question, the one you answered with 'I'll think about it in the morning'?

Because, even though it was late, if his question was something like 'are we seeing the new year in together?' then I can see why your response might be hurtful.

If he was trying to pin you down on plans, location, time then I can see why that'd be irritating.

ATeardropExplodes · 31/12/2017 10:59

This is not the only issue in our relationship

What are the other issues then?

Original poster
Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 11:02

It started with a 'what are we doing tomorrow' to which I said I'd not given it much thought. He then fired out a couple of suggestions, I said well yes maybe or we could do xyz but I'd have a think. He said a few more suggestions, I said I couldn't decide now I was too tired but I'd give it some thought in the morning. At which point he made the comment about spending it alone.

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onalongsabbatical · 31/12/2017 11:22

YANBU. He sounds childish and impatient and unsympathetic. Is he like that the rest of the time?

disappearingninepatch · 31/12/2017 11:31

I am not sure SO still wants to be with me.

I don't really want to end our relationship.

Confused
Original poster
Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 11:40

I'm not sure if he does want to be with me as he seems unhappy, but it's been a difficult year for us. I would like our relationship to continue though, and hope we can overcome any current issues.

He's not normally any of those things onalong however it has been a difficult year and we've both had this rotten virus over Xmas so not feeling great either.

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onalongsabbatical · 31/12/2017 12:16

Well, you've both got to want it to work for it to work.

Sounds like there are lots of stresses at the moment - and it's a stressful time of year anyway. You could try explaining to him (again) how his demandingness affected you - if he gets it and tries to communicate better that's good, if he thinks its somehow 'your fault' I'd be more concerned.

Is going out partying with a virus - both of you - even a good idea?

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 31/12/2017 15:20

Playing devil's advocate for a minute, it wouldn't be entirely unreasonable of him to think that you might already have decided what you wanted to do, given that it was only 24 hours later, and that therefore you could just give him a straight, quick answer.

Original poster
Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 15:41

There's no suggestion of going out partying- it's really a choice of staying in at his or at mine, or going out for a meal, or getting a takeaway. That kind of thing. I hadnt planned to drink as I was meant to collect my DC from a party later but they're sleeping over at a friend's so I can drink if I want now. That said I'm still not feeling great so might not drink anyway.

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Original poster
Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 15:42

I do take the point about a quick answer, but I thought we'd agreed that we were basically staying In, so the fine detail (as in whose house, what to eat etc) didnt need to be decided there and then.

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Mollie85 · 31/12/2017 15:45

So have you given him an answer now? Smile

Wilburissomepig · 31/12/2017 15:49

If you're not sure if he wants to be with you, why don't you ask him? I know you might not get the answer you're hoping for but at least you'll know where you stand in the relationship.

Faking · 31/12/2017 15:55

Fuckity bye

That made me Grin

Original poster
Obeseclarice · 31/12/2017 16:56

Yes I have left him know, I sent him a msg earlier with my suggestions.

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