NC for this one and half expect a flaming...!
There’s a much younger woman who I kind of took under my wing approximately 8 years ago now, when she’d found herself on her own with a baby very young, had made some questionable life choices which meant her family were losing patience with her and had to have social services involvement due to issues with the father and questions around capability to parent. I remained a support to her with her little boy and a bit of an agony aunt figure I guess for some time, trying my best to steer her towards a healthier path which she was crying out for. She asked repeatedly for advice in certain scenarios (to do with men in her life mostly) but then wouldn’t or couldn’t listen or take my advice on board, which then had negative consequences for all involved (nothing dangerous, just a kind of negative spiral). I struggled with maintaining this support role as I was constantly asked to rush to her aid to pick up the pieces when she hadn’t followed the advice she’d asked for and it got too stressful for me with my own children, a divorce of my own, my career etc and I decided to cut contact. She does contact me sporadically to update me on her life and I answer courteously but never meet up or spend time with her.
Fast forward 8ish years and she now has 4 children to 4 fathers, none of whom ‘are allowed’ access to the children according to her. She doesn’t work, her family have all but disowned her and she is struggling and asking for support. She has asked for support as she has none from anyone else but then says things like she wants more children and it doesn’t matter about the situation with the fathers, she’s all the children need etc. She says things like the children had an amazing Christmas and had far too many presents, but then says she can’t work because there’s no point, and lists all the money she would have to earn to have the lifestyle she has now.
I dearly want to be at least an ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on but find it so hard to maintain any sympathy after all these years. I have spoken to her at length about how she’s better to wait a few years until she meets the right person to have another child etc but she just tells me she wants a girl and then I hear she’s had another child with yet another man and it makes me struggle to be patient with her. I feel awful about it because everyone is deserting her and she’s crying out for support, advice and guidance but then just won’t (can’t? doesn’t know how to?) help herself. There have been and still are countless agencies involved but nothing seems to have any impact. I feel so sad for her and for the children but just feel I can’t be that support she needs. Am I really mean? 