To ask for help to compose a message to FIL

[Mischa123]

My DP list his DM this year. He is close to his SD and talks to him regularly. His 'real' D really hasn't been very good over the years and if we don't chase him we rarely hear from him and his wife. They claim to adore our DC but to be honest since other GC came along they are not fussed. So to the point... he sent a message on Christmas Day as DD is usually too busy to talk as he is with his family. No response at all, nothing. Poor DP is really upset by it all and I am really having to hold back from telling 'D'D what I think. He may be an adult but he just wants his DD to care!

That sucks but tbh I'd just stay away from the FIL. You can't force someone to behave well and you can't turn a sows ear into a silk purse. Your partner would be better off trying to change his expectations and realising that his dad is a bit of a loser. Luckily he has his step dad. Sorry for him though.

Would your DH be annoyed by you texting his dad behind his back?

People who care show it. If your DH’s dad doesn’t make an effort, it’s because he doesn’t care. I mean, maybe he cares a bit, but not enough to make it a priority.

You might be able to coax a bit of extra effort out of him for a while with a strongly-worded email, but eventually his normal order of priorities will resume and you’ll be back down the list. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your life on a rollercoaster of hope, disappointment, bargaining, rinse and repeat, you’ll need to accept that your FIL’s actions (making no effort) speak louder than words (claiming to adore your DC).

Personally I would focus on building a stronger relationship with SD and forget about the FIL.

Thanks for the replies. I think we will be focusing on SD more now, his DM was a very difficult lady and with her no longer here it makes for an easier relationship for all of us. I feel so sad for my DP he maybe is old enough to have learnt but having just lost his mum it would have been nice for his DD to have acknowledged this first difficult Christmas without his DM. He is is eldest child but seems that he has well and truly been replaced by the younger models . His SDM is a very controlling person and I think she has a lot to do with it.