To feel left out?

[lonelymum86]

Have NC for this... but a regular poster and contributor.

We live on a lovely road. My DH and I work hard and fairly long hours but we’ve managed to get to know a few parents at DC school on the limited school runs we do.

Lots of parents from the school live on our road. I don’t go on Facebook very often (and now I see why I would be none the wiser) but a group of 4 couples who live on our road and have DC our age at our school I’ve just realised (I’m totally oblivious on the school run obviously) have become really good friends and have started doing couple things (evenings out - drinks at each other’s homes).

I know I shouldn’t be bothered people can be friends with whoever they like so IABU. But I’ve had all their kids round for play dates and we’ve chatted at mum’s drinks and I really thought we had built a connection and saw or see a couple of these mums as friends. Anyway I know you’re all going to tell me to stay off Facebook and also IABU to want to be included. My DH and I have large families but I suppose no one is nearby and I really hoped to build up a local network of friends.

I do have friends but in lots of different groups and there does seem to be a fair few groups of friends but DH and I not part of any of them (I’ve been Facebook stalking) I wish I had the time to make my own almost - but these people are on our road. I don’t know if I’m being a bit needy and desperate. I suppose I am. So AIBU to feel left out?

It's not really sad if you've never made the effort to invite any of them to you. Their group will have evolved due to members of it making the effort with another couple.

So invite them round. They sound like a sociable bunch and I'm sure you'll be invited back.

As others have said, I think it's pretty key that 3 of the women are SAHM - certainly in my experience SAHMs just have more time to socialise, so get to know each other better. If you're the working parent always rushing to the next thing, people don't think to ask you or you're never about to ask!

Also worth thinking what you actually want ... if you just want a support network, it's perfectly possible for these people to be this (and it sounds like they are already?) without being your closest pals. I have a few parents I would contact for a favour, but none of them are really personal friends.
If you're looking for friends (although you say you have ones you struggle to see...) making friends via a shared interest, rather than just because you have DC of the same age usually works best.

Thanks @RedSkyAtNight I think I need to dig deep (inside) and see what I want really. My friends and family are dotted all over the country hence only weekends to see them.

Also working doesn’t help on those occasions when yes they’re all free and meeting for coffees going for runs etc.

Being a SAHM and they have all have school age kids so generally have more time on their hands. Any ‘free’ time I have I have the kids or just chasing my tail.

I think yes they would always be there for me if I needed help with the kids

YABU. They have made friends, for whatever reason. They don't need to include you just because you live on the same street. They have completely different lifestyles to you and meet up when you are not there, they were never going to make friends with you in the same way.

That isn't to say you can't also be friends with them all. You just need to make the effort.

I have a similar issue here. I work and so I miss out on lots of the school gate stuff when arrangements are made. Also I'm on my own with DD and so I'm left out of the couple things. I've came to peace with it a little bit but feel sorry for DD who misses out sometimes. However give it another couple of years and the kids will be organising their own social lives without parental involvement and so it won't be so bad for her.

I hope your dinner party plans go well.

@ludothedog thank you.

Socialising amongst parents is a huge deal round here. Lots of nights out etc. Of course can’t (and don’t expect) to be invited to everything. However it’s just I suppose I was having a lonely moment.

Thanks everyone. I need to find some time to do some hosting