Brother in law slapped my derrière

[Debbie7612]

First time, I ignored it. Second time, yesterday, I walked past and he’s sat on the couch, said hi, leaned forward and done it again.

I’m very confused. We are quite friendly and he’s a nice boy but I told him off. Am I being unreasonable? Wtf is he about does he not know boundaries or what?

Yes Lunde but the first time she ignored him.

OP, you haven't say how reacted to you telling him off after he did it a second time. Did he apologise and assure you it wouldn't happen again or what? Also, why are you calling him a boy?

Unless you have an established, mutually acceptable, boundary-crossing, touchy-feely relationship I'd say that's a massive bloody cheek - and sexual harassment, however 'playful' it seems to him. If my DP's brother did that to me I'd probably punch him in the face and I don't think my DP would be too happy either. Don't wait until he does it again. Put him in his place and be quite clear that it's unacceptable behaviour and you won't tolerate it.

He's a nice boy? At 34?

Bloody menace more like.

Unless you have an established, mutually acceptable, boundary-crossing, touchy-feely relationship I'd say that's a massive bloody cheek - and sexual harassment, however 'playful' it seems to him.

Yes, that. That’s a good way of putting it (my comment might have been a bit confusing. or made me sound like a complete weirdo )

Have people missed that the OP has told him not to do it again? It was in her post at Sat 30-Dec-17 18:13:39

I'd go Saaf Laandon on him. Tell him if he touches you again without permission he'll be picking up teeth with broken fingers.

At 34 he's not a boy, he's a grown man twice over.

Insomniac

Yes, I have :(

Really OP, you’ve told him that it hurts and to not do it again. You have the right to go absolutely ballistic if it happens again. (A decent person would have apologised for hurting you, btw!)

And OP, please don’t feel embarrassed. You did nothing wrong.

'He's 34, and a nice boy'

No he's a wanker. HTH.

The OP hasn't told us how he responded to her. He may have apologised, he may not.

“That was a sexual assault. If you touch me again I will report it to the police.”

Not sure why I called him a boy. But he said he was joking and jokingly said sorry. The first time was s shock and I wasn’t sure what to make of it or how to react. The second time creeped me out as he’d got himself in position to smack me like what the hell. Dh wasn’t there. He’d just stepped out. I have a good, friendly relationship (I think) with bil. Body boundary crossing has never occurred till the butt slaps. He’s good with my kids but I’m having to watch him more closely with this ass gate malarkey

Next time he does it, yell

'GET THE FUCK OFF MY ARSE. SERIOUSLY.'

In as deep and loud a voice as you can muster.

Yes I spent all day yesterday thinking surely this is sexual harassment? I’ve never smacked his arse or felt the need to so why do mine?

Fuck that! If he even looks like he’s thinking of doing it again, scream the fucking house down and tell everyone that comes running that he sexually assaulted you and you want the police calling. Whether or not you actually call them is up to you, (I would) but I’ll bet he doesn’t do it again.

I'd scream the house down too asking him WTF he thinks he's doing touching you.

What does your DH say?

I told my husband about this thread, he said I'd kick BIL in the balls for doing that.
My DH is correct.

@theweewitchroz I haven’t told him or anyone. Except you guys. I asked hubby yesterday about men smacking butts and he thought I was offended about the times he smacks me (which of course, I’m not)
What if he thinks it’s my fault? I gotta tell him though right? 😕

TELL HIM. This shit grows in the dark.

@nubbled I’m such a weakling. I’m really pushing myself towards being more vocal as I don’t want my daughter to turn out like me.

Sorry. Unless he is abusive.

But if he thinks it is your fault I'd be getting a divorce. And I'm not joking at all.

Absolutely tell him - you've done nothing wrong at all & your BIL knows exactly what he's doing if he only does it when your DH isn't in the room.

Tell him. Show him this thread if you don’t want to say it. Jesus Christ!!

Yes, it is sexual harassment. From what you've said, he waited until DH was out of the way, and moved to where he could reach your arse from. so it was premeditated as well.

It is NOT your fault or responsibility, but unfortunately it falls to you to stop him doing it by embarrassing him next time he does it as suggested by another poster, and by telling your DH as well. He's just trying it on to see what he can get away with IMO. What a horrible character, I hope the rest of the family are a bit more decent.