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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he was completely out of order

17 replies

Happyhippy45 · 30/12/2017 17:43

I've recently had to start using a wheelchair when I'm out and about. I can't go out by myself as I can't drive at present and couldn't get the wheelchair out of the car by myself anyway. I rely on my dh to take me out.
I can self propel myself for a while but get tired quite quickly, so dh pushes me for most of the time.
He pushes me in a wheelchair like he drives which is a bit aggressive, like he always has right of way and everyone in front is moving too slowly. I sit in the wheelchair cringing. Thinking I'm going to bash into people.
We were doing a little bit of grocery shopping and dh was getting irritated by people getting in the way of my wheelchair and basically ignoring me/treating me like I was invisible.
At the checkout the woman behind us kept banging in to dh with her trolley and nudging past him as she tried to unload it. There wasn't anywhere he could move to, to get out of deer way. She was being a bit of a twat and impatient. We packed up our small amount of shopping, paid and just before we left, he turned me round and aggressively thrust me towards this woman in annoyance at her behaviour.
I shouted at dh "Oi what are you doing?"
I told him he was out of order. I'm not a bloody shopping trolley and to please not use me as a weapon to vent his anger at some random person, regardless of how they were behaving.
He asked if he had embarrassed me. I was mortified but I lied and said no and told him he is the one who should be embarrassed.
He tried to make light of it and justify it because he was hangry. He has apologised but is still joking about it.

OP posts:
RavingRoo · 30/12/2017 18:03

Can you request an electric wheelchair? It would stop all of this madness

Happyhippy45 · 30/12/2017 18:13

It is madness isn't it?
I'm thinking and electric one would be fantastic......but they are very expensive...and we don't have a huge amount of money to spare.

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RavingRoo · 30/12/2017 18:23

Is there a place where you could hire one? We can get one for my disabled relative for about £3 per week locally through the care agency we use for her.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2017 18:37

He asked if he had embarrassed me. I was mortified but I lied and said no and told him he is the one who should be embarrassed.

Why? He was bang out of order and needed to be told.

Are you afraid of him?

Happyhippy45 · 30/12/2017 19:07

raving I'm hopefully going to get awarded mobility allowance from PIP....first thing I'll be doing is looking to hire one!
worra yeah he was told that he was out of order but I wasn't telling him I was embarrassed. HE was the one that should be embarrassed.
I'm not scared of him but I feel a bit vulnerable. Especially being hurtled round the shops!

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Pengggwn · 30/12/2017 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Happyhippy45 · 30/12/2017 19:53

I get that it takes a bit of getting used to. My dd used a wheelchair for a while and it was a bit of a learning curve getting to grips with manoeuvring her around. Being respectful of her....and making sure I didn't crack into anyone's ankles at the same time!
I'm starting to think he's going through a period of adjustment.
He wanted to take me out today...to get me out the house. He promised to behave! It was a short trip so I propelled myself, which said jokingly was because I don't trust him.....and he carried the shopping. It worked out fine. Giving me good reason to get an electric powered one.

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Allthetuppences · 30/12/2017 20:01

Totally out of order.

monkeywithacowface · 30/12/2017 20:14

Could you ask a friend to wheel your DH around town and shops for a day so he can actually get a sense of how it feels to be out of control and have someone aggressively push you around?

I remember doing a moving and handling course and I have to say the experience of being hoisted and moved by my co workers was very unsettling. People touching you and moving you whilst the whole time talking over your head like you aren't there was really unpleasant.

Happyhippy45 · 30/12/2017 20:22

monkey I think everyone should spend a day being wheeled around in a wheelchair......or at the least, push someone around. It's an eye opener! Many people are considerate and respectful but some completely ignore you or stare. It also makes you realise how many places/shops are not properly equipt to accommodate wheelchair users.

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monkeywithacowface · 30/12/2017 20:28

I agree wheelchair access in public places is generally shocking.

monkeywithacowface · 30/12/2017 20:31

I would also like to say that I do think of myself a considerate and careful person but I do often make a hash of wheeling some of my clients around

Happyhippy45 · 30/12/2017 20:44

They are not the easiest to manoeuvre.....especially up and down kerbs!

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monkeywithacowface · 30/12/2017 20:51

I have yet to use one of my clients as weapon against twatty shoppers though!

Happyhippy45 · 30/12/2017 21:19

He's being very apologetic and want us to go out tomorrow again so he can show me he can "do it right."
I think explaining to him how it feels being pushed around aggresivlety isn't pleasant or acceptable.
He said he hadn't thought about how I felt. He's never been that good with empathy.
He's agreed that using his disabled wife as a weapon is absolutely not ok.
I still want an electric one.

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monkeywithacowface · 30/12/2017 23:53

I think an electric one is a great idea for your own independence and sense of control. Good to know in the mean time your DH is going to up his game!

Happyhippy45 · 31/12/2017 00:28

Yeah it's not all happy joy joy but it's a start. We've got our work cut out

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