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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenage DD and NYE - AIBU

20 replies

MadamePince · 30/12/2017 09:43

DD16 wants to go out NYE.
This is fine in itself- DH hates NYE and will go to bed around 9pm. DD19 and me will watch a movie, have some nice snacks, couple of beers etc. I understand this is not what DD16 wants to do.

However, all of DD16s friends are doing family stuff. She wants to go to a house party about 20 miles away, where the only person she "knows" is a friend of a friend she has met once but apparently she is really "nice". The mutual friend got kicked out of school for doing drugs end of Y10.
She has no plan of how to get home (I would end up going to pick her up no doubt so that I know she is safe)

There is no way I am going to convince her our NYE is going to be better am I?
I have offered her to ask a couple of friends over but everyone is away.

OP posts:

Angrybird345 · 30/12/2017 09:44

Your nye may not be as good but are you really going to consider her going to the friend of a friend of a friend’s party?!

Original poster

MadamePince · 30/12/2017 09:46

Nope, not happy with it at all.
But trying not to be heavy handed.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 30/12/2017 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VivaLeBeaver · 30/12/2017 09:46

The house party in itself wouldn’t worry me. Dd has certainly been to some where she doesn’t know many people. But the fact the mutual friend is involved in drugs would worry me a bit that other people at the party might be doing drugs. But then again they might not be. I think for me it would depend how confident you are that your dd wouldn’t be tempted to join in anything silly like that.

MrsJayy · 30/12/2017 09:46

Friend of a friend 20 miles away. nope it is all too vague I wouldn't be pleased and would be trying to put her off going.

Original poster

MadamePince · 30/12/2017 09:46

I've said no and she is now sulking.
I am completely U

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 30/12/2017 09:47

I was always pretty relaxed about dd going to parties and stuff at 16 but there is no way I'd let her go to one 20 miles away with no one she really knows going either.

It'd be a flat 'no'. She can stay home and join in with a few beers and a film or she can stomp about being grumpy. You don't have to convince her of anything, you just need to say no.

Pengggwn · 30/12/2017 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 30/12/2017 09:47

Let her sulk

Piffle11 · 30/12/2017 09:49

I think the problem for me would be the fact that it's 20 miles away and she has no plans for getting home. If there was a bunch of friends going then I might be more lenient, but if she's basically there on her own ... no, I don't think I'd want her going. Is there more to it than she's telling you? Or is she just very outgoing? At 16 there's no way I'd be going 20 miles away from home just for 'a friend of a friend': maybe a hot boy could have convinced me, but nothing less! You're not going to be able to relax until she's home, and NYE is notorious for not being able to get a taxi and sometimes not be able to get calls through.

wifeyhun · 30/12/2017 09:56

YANBU I would not be letting my 16 year old go that far for a party especially as she doesn't know them well, different if it was a close friend who lives near.

She will just have to sulk.

JustVent · 30/12/2017 09:57

You said no to her? Did you do that before you started this thread or after? I hope it wasn’t the latter.

OP at 16, I think it’s great that she is telling you where and who she is with and when.

Ok so it isn’t with her best mate or next door but she is being honest. She didn’t have to tell you the truth and there’s plenty of 16 year olds out there that wouldn’t.

What she has learned from this is that next time she won’t be honest because you’ll say no.

Find out the address, keep in contact and collect her (if that’s ok with you) so she’s safe home.

I don’t see the problem at all.

whatisthisi · 30/12/2017 10:06

No wouldnt let her go. She is only 16. Tell her no way of getting there and back and you are not happy that it is a "friend of a friend"

Orangepear · 30/12/2017 10:07

Why would she want to go to a party where she has only met one person once? Sounds odd - very different to if a group of her friends were going.

WatchingFromTheWings · 30/12/2017 10:07

No way would I allow it either. Let her sulk!

TealStar · 30/12/2017 10:09

No way. She’s 16, not 18.
Just say no because you don’t want to go out and get her during the early hours of NYD. She’s being incredibly selfish assuming that you will drop everything to revolve your evening around her.

Original poster

MadamePince · 30/12/2017 11:36

Thanks everyone, yes I've said no, was just checking I wasn't being U!
She's sulking but will get over it!

OP posts:

ChaosTrulyReigns · 30/12/2017 11:50

At 16 it's not "great" that she's saying where/when/who. It's normal.

Madam, you've definitely done the right thing. Could you ease her pain a bit by going and fetching treats snacks that are her favourite?

Enjoy your evening.

SusanneLinder · 30/12/2017 11:53

I had this with my youngest years back. I let her out NYE at 16, but only if it was with friends she knew or somewhere I knew. Def YANBU

Desmondo2016 · 30/12/2017 12:09

You've done right. Why don't you see if she'd like to invite a couple friends round and play some box games etc. Sounds a bit tacky maybe, to a 16 yr old, but she may come round to it. I know you said her friends were doing family stuff but that may be more by default than arrangement.

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