WWBU here?

[CocaColaTruck]

Went to see DNiece and her family yesterday. She has one DS (F), and a DD from her first marriage, her husband has one DS (J) from his. They also have a DD together.

Both boys are the same age - 13. DSS is on the autistic spectrum and has dyspraxia. DS and DD had been with their dad for a few days and were showing us their presents from him. F had a small remote controlled helicopter. J was also playing with some of his presents - he is there 50/50 but the others only see their dad holidays and weekends. J had a big Lego set and no one is allowed to touch his lego, ever.

DSS wanted to play with the helicopter but DS said he couldn't because he may break it. Dniece's husband told him to let his brother have a go.

DS said he isn't my brother. He said it calmly, he didn't shout just stated it. His stepfather went apeshit. He took the helicopter from him and said he couldn't have it back until he apologised. DS asked why he should apologise for telling the truth. DNiece intervened and suggested we had tea but her DH shouted at her for undermining him and stormed out with the helicopter. We had tea and left.

It was awkward and embarrassing for everyone. He still hasn't let DS have his helicopter back and now his dad has got annoyed and involved.

I can understand why F didn't want to let J play with his helicopter. He's clumsy and breaks things, not his fault, but it happens.

So who is being U here? Should I have said something? I think silence was the best option, given the atmosphere.

I don’t think I would have intervened. f was right to refuse J the chance to play with it. I suppose you might have said “don’t worry F if J breaks it Stepdad will buy you a new one”, might have focussed the mind.

I would be on F's side.
The stepfather is being unreasonable. But then in my experience they usually are.

Not much you could have done as an observer and very awkward position to be in.

I don't blame him for not wanting to share if the DSS won't share his things, but I do think that the 'not my brother' comment was not really kind either.

J isn't fs brother, the stepfather was in the wrong and needs to learn hoe to behave. I had this idea that because the parents have decided to shack up the children have to treat each other like siblings

hoe=how had=hate

Thanks. I'm relieved that most people feel as I did. To be fair the step siblings rub along fairly well together most of the time but DSS is a bit indulged by his dad because he isn't there full time.

I felt so sorry for my Dniece to be put in that position. I've certainly seen her husband in a new light.

But if your niece has not supported her son then she is colluding in it.

I think she would have spoken out if we weren't there. I hope so, anyway.

I agree with Francis. Women in these situations are often persuaded that their husband's view is the right one, or go along with that for a quiet life even at the expense of their children.
If you told your niece you were sad to see her son treated this way etc. it would give her a different viewpoint to think about. Also an ally in you if she needs one.

I will phone her, but when I'm sure he isn't around.