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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sexist comments

24 replies

PollyPelargonium52 · 30/12/2017 07:25

Am I being unreasonable ladies? I live in an ex mining town in the middle of the country. There are very few happily adjusted single women happy in their own skin with no need for a man to rescue them. I am a single parent and quite happy to live alone with my ds who is nearly 13.
The other week I was coming home from a meal out with a platonic man friend. We go out occasionally perhaps twice a year for a meal and sometimes I pay as I tend to have more money than him. He does odd jobs for me so I do not feel I am being used.
The local courier guy sees us roll up on the drive and my friend goes home. He asks if I have been 'taken out' for a meal with my friend. I said I paid. He then says the friend should be 'doing more for me'. I found this really annoying.
Firstly it is none of his business who I go out with and who pays and who doesn't pay. Friends have paid for lunch for me over the years when I have been strapped for cash it is just something friendships do which is absolutely fine.
Perhaps he has no concept of a woman being able to achieve platonic men friendships with no need to hanker after a man for a relationship whatsoever. I used to live in London for 25 years and although I have been up here ten years I still have the London mindset which is emancipation and equality.
I found it really annoying. Any views at all?

OP posts:
Poshindevon · 30/12/2017 07:35

You have lived in this town for ten years so presumably you know the people in the town are probably "small minded" so why are you annoyed?
Why did you respond to the courier guys comments? Why be defensive and say you paid? Its none of his business and you should have said so.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 30/12/2017 07:40

Why did you even tell the courier this much information?

"I said I paid"

What's it got to do with him? Not that this excuses his comment...but in future, keep your own business to yourself.

princesssparkle1 · 30/12/2017 07:42

Agree with @CheapSausagesAndSpam

BillywilliamV · 30/12/2017 07:43

Think you're being a bit patronising to those of us who live outside London tbh. We dont all get dragged around by our hair!

ZaraW · 30/12/2017 07:48

I was on side until you made your London comment...

Joey7t8 · 30/12/2017 07:49

Sounds like the local courier man was just trying to make harmless small talk.

DoculamentDoculament · 30/12/2017 07:49

Lolling at the 'London mindset'. Especially after the opening 'AIBU ladies?'.

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2017 07:54

This is a very odd situation. Was the courier guy out delivering when this conversation took place?

Your comments about the “London mindset” are ridiculous.

Pfftkids · 30/12/2017 07:57

If you were a happily adjusted single you wouldn't need to tell the local courier you paid. Who cares who pays.

And no the London mindset for everyone isn't equality

juddyrockingcloggs · 30/12/2017 08:01

So the courier was trying to be polite and make small talk in a way you found annoying? Ok.

You've just annoyed me with your ridiculous assumptions about mining towns and having a 'London mindset'.

You are being unreasonable by talking out of your arse.

Yeahsureokay · 30/12/2017 08:05

I was also Hmm at aibu "ladies"

From an emancipated mindset no less!

Fwiw I'm happily in a relationship with a man bit it's not because he 'rescued' me Hmm

I think you're not as liberated as you think you are. Also, stop sharing your business with the courier as others have said. Who cares who paid. It's worse that you feel the need to shout it from the rooftops.

FoggieFishieCarpeDiem · 30/12/2017 08:11

He asks if I have been 'taken out' for a meal with my friend. I said I paid.

Why did you even answer?
He really didn’t say anything particularly offensive.

He was either making small talk or wanted to know if you’re dating. (Imo)

KathArtic · 30/12/2017 08:17

there are couriers outside London?

WizardOfToss · 30/12/2017 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2017 08:17

I prefer lady. “One who kneads dough”. Rather than. Woman: wife of man. I do appreciate that lady is/was used as a class distinction.

SnowGlitter · 30/12/2017 08:18

What everyone else said, but...

I do get it.

I gave a man in the supermarket a bit of a mouthful once because my husband and I were at the till and one of us realised that we'd forgotten something and I said "Would you mind going to pick one up?" He said no and just as he was turning to go, the man behind me said something along the lines of, "Give him a break, love. He'll be driving you home in a minute".

I hope that my, "No he won't. We've come in my car and he can't even drive so piss off" reply stopped him from ever butting into another conversation with his sexist comments again.

Actually, I do get the indignation. It's just the default assumption that the man is the one doing the paying/driving/hard work and the woman is just lapping it up as a kept woman somehow. Pisses me right off!

FoggieFishieCarpeDiem · 30/12/2017 08:26

Snow

Yours is a good deal worse than the OP’s imo, tbh.

The OP’s sounds more like clumsy conversation making / trying to chat her up.

But still... that’s why I’ve decided to get my licence.

(Well, also because DH is an awful driver and this is one of the things we argue about rather often...)

Northernparent68 · 30/12/2017 08:33

I would not worry polly, I’m sure the courier and the rest of the town will soon stop trying to talk to you.

PollyPelargonium52 · 31/12/2017 06:17

Thank you for your views. I don't agree with the comments ref 'ladies'.

I prefer equality and am painfully aware of sexism these days since leaving London.

I also hate racism and ageism. Although that is getting off the point of this thread.

I think it would be better to just keep my mouth shut with people I will just say I don't do boyfriends in future and that I don't need a rescue.

Although the cost of living is way lower and lovely clean air and water where I live in this region the sexism really sucks.

OP posts:
KenForPM · 31/12/2017 06:24

Sexism does exist in London, what the hell are you on about??

Mxyzptlk · 31/12/2017 06:40

He asks if I have been 'taken out' for a meal with my friend

No + confused look - that should be sufficient.
(Talk of rescue would probably cause confusion for the other person.)

PollyPelargonium52 · 01/01/2018 18:18

Ken I know sexism exists in London but just far less that is all. Not that is is perfect there or anywhere.

OP posts:
princesssparkle1 · 01/01/2018 20:23

I think it would be better to just keep my mouth shut with people

If their reactions upset you this much, I'd agree with you

TheStoic · 02/01/2018 01:41

I prefer equality.

Grin
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