To think ex-H should remember he is a parent?

[Rainybohoho]

I am currently away at my parents with DD1 and DD2. Ex-H had the DC from Xmas eve (his birthday) until Christmas Day afternoon. They have been with me since as he announced he didn’t want any more contact this week as he ‘had plans’.

I’ve just checked DD1 (12 yo) phone (she knows I check her WhatsApp as part of the agreement she has it) and every night since Christmas night she has messaged him goodnight and he hasn’t replied once. Five little sad lonely ‘Goodnight Dad’ messages. All read.

AIBU to think that you could manage to message your DD back goodnight once?

Im feeling so sad and angry about it for DD.

New Years resolution OP - grow some balls and start claiming what is yours!! And that starts with maintenance on top of the mortgage payments. Then you want 2/3rds of the family Home (1/3 for you and 1/3 for the dc as being the resident parent you NEED a bigger home then he does)

I feel awful for your DD though, poor love

Thank you all for the further support, it means a lot to me as I question myself so much on this. I am going to think very hard on what you have all said in terms of being tougher.

What I don’t want to do is take away from any remaining relationship DDs do have with their Dad, so it all feels a lot like plate spinning. And he is taking advantage of that isnt he 😔

A weekend dad in the literal sense

You need to get legal advice. Good legal advice.

You have two young children to house. If he's getting 50/50 on the house then you should be getting maintenance on top of half of the mortgage payments.

Unless the house is going to make a ridiculously large profit allowing you to buy a house outright that fits you and the children then you should be getting more than 50% to take into account your costs in housing the children.

Also, consider having your maintenance plans set up in your divorce. One year and a day after the divorce one of you can go to the CMS instead, but it gets everything set up while the divorce is settled. And makes the point to him that the cost of bringing up children is irrelevant - he pays a percentage of his income. Children are meant to have a lifestyle that goes with their parents income - their father isn't supposed to decide what he thinks is enough regardless of income.

He's not going to play fair with you or your children, so stop playing so fair with him.