To ask if this is the kind of MH issue you go to the GP for?

[OhCluster]

Early this year I developed cluster headaches, they are otherwise sometimes called suicide headaches as although they are brief they are insanely painful. I’m lucky I’ve had episodes, rather than chronic, and my GP very early on diagnosed and gave me injections to manage it. A neurologist also has since ensured I have access to high flow oxygen in bouts. They can abort it in five min and I’ve been pretty lucky to be diagnosed and access it.

However, I’ve not found it as easy as I thought at first. The headaches are so intense I became scared of going out and being seen in a toddler like crying mess should one come on. I’m quite private and the idea of being seen at a point where I was beyond controlling myself is awful, I find them worse than any of my births in that sense. I developed anxiety around waiting for the daily headache(s) and going out.

6 months on its become more generalised, with a bit of a problem with remembering. I don’t go out as much and it’s reached the point where I’m anxious the longer I stay out. I started with the over checking windows off/ gas Off etc but now I’m checking multiple times and coming up with elaborate little routines (like singing aloud and tapping the knobs in order to know I’ve turned the gas off). I’ll still sometimes be late as I’ve gone back to check as well after driving a bit with the kids. When I’m out after an hour or so I lose focus on whatever we’re doing and I want to go back to check the house, I end up not joining in chat etc. I used to go out a lot, and work, but I can stay in all day a lot. I’ve also left work to Care for a dc with Sen which has enabled me to be like this a lot more. I can find it hard to do much at times, so much is a worry like appearance etc.

During episodes I can get really down, which I think is reasonable,but it’s extending beyond them now.

I’ve tried to eat better, exercise more which has helped with feeling down a fair bit, but I’ve been more and more anxious.

On the flip side, I don’t have anything like panic attacks. I was also previously in a job where you have to ‘put a front on’ and I can still appear confident and assured in bursts.

Total ramble, but genuine question as I’ve been lucky enough not to ask it before- what is the point where you say I need a little help? What could it be? Or is this more a self help point...?

Go to your gp, sounds like you have been coping amazingly with a lot going on, but would really benefit from extra help. There is a lot of help out there for these types of concerns, and they will definitely want to support you.

Definitely see the Dr. CBT is the sort of thing that can help with the anxiety and worry about them.

You need to get in control of the anxiety, as it's becoming almost separate to the headaches.

And you mentioned that you are aware of eating better and exercising, that's really good, keep on top of that.

I've been reading Fearne Cotton's new book Calm this evening, it's really good. Just been reading the section on breathing. About how we don't breathe as deep as we should. A tip was to breathe in for 4 through the nose, hold for 7 and then breathe out through the mouth for 8.

Fingers crossed the New Year brings you some relief

And if you are good at putting a front on - make sure you are ready to show your full vulnerability, write it down if it helps, or even bring someone who could support you.
My DH had a similar thing when he first got help for his anxiety, he was embarrassed and minimised it, and with short appts and budget pressure the GP is unlikely to really push you on the depth of the problem, so you need to be your own advocate.

Oh you poor thing - That sounds dreadful.

It might be that due to the anxiety you feel you have do do these compulsive actions to almost give you some sense of control.

Because having these headaches and not knowing when they will strike might leave you feeling very vulnerable. I certainly would think that this merits a trip to your Gp to discuss this

I should have put this is my OP, I’m really not much of a talker. I never have been, particularly strangers, I really don’t like it much and I’m crap at visualising.

When my dd was diagnosed I went to a CAMHS group and hated it. The psychiatrist demonstrated visual techniques, talked through a calming scene, everyone seemed to enjoy it but I just didn’t get it. No superiority, I was just still firmly in a tatty little room with strangers and couldn’t do it. By the end of it all I was feeling more affinity with people being described as in the spectrum than I was with the support group if I’m honest (I’m not worried about this at all, just describing me)

I’m a bit worried if this is the solution it’s not me.

On a practical concern also being out my dd has no road sense or out and about skills which is a logical reason to be wary of going out during episodes

Go to your GP.
Tell them you don't want to talk about it and see what other therapies are available.
There will be local groups, investigate these and engage.
If you don't engage you cannot expect to get better.
Doing the same thing over and over again will not get a different outcome. Make changes to get change.
But.. It's not easy. Just remember support is out there

It sounds like getting help is sensible. Things don't have to be at complete rock bottom before you deserve/need help with things. It is also quite easy for anxiety and depression to start to spiral out of control once you stop going out so much and find it harder keeping in contact with friends/social activities. I ended up not being able to leave the house at all for a while it got so bad.

I also found counseling difficult at the beginning because I was very unused to being given time or space to have my own feelings and opinions about things and trying to articulate them was difficult and felt uncomfortable but it is something you can learn, and things are much easier now I have learned how to do that.

Having said that different people find different things helpful, and your GP should be able to tell you what is available in your area. Even if you don't choose to do anything right now, knowing your options can be helpful.