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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did MIL randomly lie?

18 replies

Vesper8 · 29/12/2017 21:28

Hi All!

All the best for the run up to NY!

Just a quick AIBU to be completely perplexed at MIL? Had a lovely few days with PIL over Christmas which was a relief for both DH and I as they can be difficult.

However, on Boxing Day, DH and I took MIL shopping. She was trying on some boots and after about 20 mins, we left MIL deciding which to buy to look around the cutlery section (wild Christmas I know!). We advised her just to get both as they were very different and looked lovely on.

We then lost her in the shop (normal as she likes to wander off!) and found her carrying a huge bag so I asked whether she purchased both pairs. MIL makes a massive deal out of the fact that she was only able to get one pair as the sales assistant would not budge on the price and goes into huge detail about their conversation and her decision, even showing me the inside of the bag. I thought nothing more of it.

Before lunch, she changed into the boots and mentioned again that she had been in two minds about the others but it was the price that swung it. We went out for have a lovely meal and again I thought nothing more of it.

When we left the pub, MIL and DH / me went for a walk. FIL drove back to ours for some shut-eye. When we get home, MIL sheepishly walked down the stairs and started mouthing something at me. I asked what on earth was wrong.

She admitted that FIL had put both pairs of the boots (including the ones that apparently she hadn't purchased) on the stairs as he (as well as us) was under the impression that she'd only purchased one pair so thought they were mine.

AIBU to not understand this at all? I asked her at the time and the next morning (in a linked conversation) why she hadn't told us that she'd simply purchased both. Also confused as to why she would (a) not hide the boots if she genuinely didn't want anyone to know (b) admit it to me as well as to FIL rather than putting them away.

DH's view is that MIL didn't tell us so we didn't 'give her away' to FIL as he does tend to moan about how many clothes she has (they have a fiercely independent relationship though so I'm not convinced).

When asked, she just laughed to brush it off. Nothing more.

I know it's such a small thing and in the grand scheme of Christmas / other posters' issues on here matters not in the slightest but AIBU to be a little concerned at MIL spinning a yarn so easily? I know everyone tells little white lies occasionally and no-ones perfect but it's utterly confusing why she would go to such great lengths about something as simple as boots which she buys most months!

We've had issues in the past where I've suspected a degree of manipulation / lying but I don't like to think bad of people! All just a little odd!

OP posts:
00100001 · 29/12/2017 21:33

Maybe she stole a pair Shock

00100001 · 29/12/2017 21:34

SHe buys boots every /most months????

Has she got a spending or hoarding problem? That probably explains the secrecy.

Who needs shoes that often?

Original poster
Vesper8 · 29/12/2017 21:38

Hahaha brilliant reply! Just read it out to DH and both burst out laughing.

Yes MIL is a bit of a shopaholic. Walk in wardrobe, outfit for every occasion, most glamorous 65 year old I've ever met but as I say FIL and MIL don't share money and she always earned more (only know this as FIL does like to interfere / judge our spending / finances so yes maybe I've talking myself into the fact DH and you have got a point)

OP posts:
stiffstink · 29/12/2017 21:38

She showed you inside of the bag though, so how many pairs were in it?

If she "buys boots most months" but acts this weird about it, I'd be thinking she's a boot kleptomaniac?!

BillywilliamV · 29/12/2017 21:39

Shes ashamed of buying both pairs, because she doesnt need them. Just forget it!

Original poster
Vesper8 · 29/12/2017 21:40

Well I thought it was rather a large box for just one pair but it was a cursory glance and was more bothered about leading DH away from the half price singing reindeers ;)

DH just thinks the whole things hilarious. I just feel a little sad for MIL if she has to lie to FIL like that regularly :(

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 29/12/2017 21:41

Sounds more like she feared FIL's reaction to having two more pairs of Boots OP... Flowers

Addictedtothisbloodyforum · 29/12/2017 21:43

Let it go , my mil hates me as I do her so this Is small play

ReggaetonLente · 29/12/2017 21:44

My MIL does weird shit like this - random elaborate lies about things that don't matter in the slightest. I think it's to make life a bit more exciting.

I wouldn't give it another thought.

wheresthel1ght · 29/12/2017 21:45

My nan used to do the same, she would get us grandkids to carry bags into the house and tell my grandad that it was stuff for us and then put it in her wardrobe. He would never have an issue if it was for us but she is a major shopaholic and he used to go spare at the number of identical m&s navy tops/trousers she owned!

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2017 21:49

Lying about her spending is probably a habit she has formed. Sheclearly realised she would be found out as your father in law may mention your new boots to you so she came clean.

RideOn · 29/12/2017 22:00

I used to do this with my mum, when I felt guilty but not enough to not buy something. Probably wouldn’t lie but go to lengths never to tell her I bought 2 pairs of boots. Even though it’s my money, they would be worn etc, still I know she wouldn’t approve/do that herself.

Maybe FIL wouldnt approve, whatever he earns

mumpoints · 29/12/2017 22:12

My first thought also was that she had stolen a pair. Then, when FIL found them, had to admit to the lesser crime of lying.

My MIL lies or does nasty stuff all the time and then tells you about it. It's as if she can't help herself. For instance, she told us her company was collecting for a certain charity. We gave her some money. Six months later she announced that she had never handed over any of her collected money but instead had given it to SIL who was broke. And it wasn't a guilty confession either, she laughed as she said it.

But there was no need to say it. We would never have found out. I think she gets off on people knowing what she's does, sees how far she can go.

Unsurprisingly, one by one, family members including us have cut her off.

Maelstrop · 29/12/2017 22:15

Don’t most people semi hide clothing purchases from their DH? :) I can’t, given the PayPal account belongs to the DH Blush

SandAndSea · 29/12/2017 22:20

Often people lie because they want the freedom to do what they want to do without causing upset.

silkpyjamasallday · 29/12/2017 22:30

She just didn't want anyone to feel badly towards her for buying two pairs of boots she didn't need. I'm certainly guilty of squirrelling new purchases away and only wearing them a few weeks later because I've bought a few too many things at once and DP would disapprove. I wouldn't give it too much thought OP it's not a big deal really.

Moanaohnana · 29/12/2017 22:52

It's probably that she felt a bit guilty for it and overestimated how much anyone else would care.

headintheproverbial · 30/12/2017 09:36

My first thought was what your DH thought. She wanted to hide the boots from your FIL and instead of putting you in the position of having to lie about it just told you the same lie. If she's otherwise fine I'd let this slide...

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