Two evil choices of doom

[Rebeccaslicker]

DP is bunged up with a cold and several beers and is snoring so loudly on the sofa that I've come up to bed. I hate it more than anything when he snores; it could wake the dead no problem.

So, nice quiet read and- oh.

There's a fucking spider on the ceiling above the bed. One of those deceptively massive ones as its horrible legs are all skinny and long. I hate them. I hate them more than anything.

Except DP's snoring.

We've just moved in so don't yet have a bed in any of the other rooms.

Do I wake DP to dispose of the spider and then have him snoring in here and keeping me awake all night? Or do i risk the fucking spider falling on me in the night or deliberately attacking me and eating my face?

What to do???

Hoover the spider up.

Get a broom and get the spider, if you wake dh he won't go back downstairs

I couldn’t be in the same room as a spider if I knew it was there , could you stand on the bed and hoover it up ?

Wake him up in a faux kind and gentle way and usher him up to bed like you're a really caring wife so you can then sleep on sofa.

A hoover wouldn't work as we only have an upright dyson - and the ceilings are really really high. Damn you, pretty Victorian houses.

I'd be scared of a broom - what if it fell on the floor and I couldn't find it, or it came after me for revenge with a knife at the end of each leg or something?? 😱

Twiney - that would normally work wonders but I'm currently 6 months pregnant and so find lying on the sofa really uncomfortable as we have one of those velvet plush ones and it's too soft for the bump, pulls on my back and hips :((

Only one choice then , wake him up and then when he has disposed of the spider send him back to the sofa .

Draw a map with dh mouth as 'x' and stick it on the ceiling for the spider?
Then go to bed!!

Book into a hotel

What kind of shit advice are you all dishing out here?

You KNOW The only solution is to burn the house down.

OP you've just moved in so you haven't spent any money or emotion on decorating.
The NDN , meh , you can get new ones.

Throw a bag of Murray Mints onto the flames and clear DH sinuses while you're at it.

Hoover indeed Wanders off , muttering darkly.

Those daddy long legs spiders apparently eat other spiders. You could cultivate a mutually beneficial arrangement with it?

Right, where are the matches???!

Urgh daddy long legs are just as terrible. I swear they target my hair on purpose

Learn to live with the sider.
I sat up in bed one morning and a spider made its way down my face. I think it had been sleeping in my hair. Nobody died.

I vote for burn the house down too.

Whether you wake H first is up to you.

(Murray mints are a nice touch)

NEVER and I mean NEVER Hoover up a spider... the fuckers can crawl. I've seen it with my own eyes.

I agree with pp burning the house down is the only way!

Agree. Burn that fucker down. You can get new things, including a new DH. A non-snoring one

Op fear not I have petrol and matches. How bad is the snoring ?

Do you live near me? I will pop round and sort spider for you. I had a friend he would ring me up and ask me to do this as she was also terrified of spiders!

Grab a pint glass place over spider then slide piece of paper under glass - BINGO (a new pet)
Take down stairs and stuff spider up DH nose

No Spider No Snoring
BINGO

Leave both, put the duvet over your head and just go to sleep. Spider will be gone by morning!

TBF you should love spiders
....as they eat all the nasty things you and I can't see (BUGs)
And should you come across a big fat one, then console yourself as your house has far fewer nasties now

Ended up with worst of both worlds - I fell asleep with the light on so I could keep an eye on the evil thing. Then DP came in at 3am and woke me up - by which point the bastard thing had indeed fucked off who knows where!!

Been living in a flat in London for the last 10 years and honestly never seen a single spider. Gah!

I think Twiney nailed it.

Did you survive OK OP?