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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aunt treating children differently, turns up presents for one only!

17 replies

Newyearnewyew · 29/12/2017 20:09

We all gather at in laws, sil walks in with a bag of gifts and my 5 year old says sweetly, 'oh presents, is there one for me'.. She says, "No, it got sent to the wrong place". So gifts start being handed round and sil cleverly hands five year old present her parents brought for my dd..
Then 5 year old was told she can share A book given to the older child that won't be appropriate! And the older child had anyway, it was a duplicate.

Mumsnet doesn't like it when you mention such people have money, cue loads of posts she's allowed to spend her money on what she wants. I feel it's relevant though, because earning a lot of money, having no dc etc being very financially secure, spending thousands on hobbies really does mean such people have to freedom others don't.
I'm actually not present mad, but it really annoys me. Dd5 has never had a birthday gift or card from this aunt, I think she gave her one cheap book last year after Xmas and a reduced book a few weeks ago.

Mil however was scathing about a gift my sister sent to dd once from New Zealand that was the wrong size! My sister has lots of issues and little money and sends little bits. She had time to comment on my sisters gifts and in fact other gifts my family have given to dh... And yet seems oblivious to her own daughters gifting. To make matters worse fil blows a trumpet for sil when she gets older dd something as though it's an incredible act of achievement! I think at five she can just about get away with it, passing off her parents gifts to the children as her own but not as dd gets older.

If was going to see two small dc over Xmas and a gift went elsewhere I would rather grab something small, even a child's magazine and some sweets than turn up empty handed. If I could afford it.

OP posts:
Newyearnewyew · 29/12/2017 20:37

Ha! Obviously not an issue GrinGrin

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CorbynsBumFlannel · 29/12/2017 20:42

I'd make her squirm and ask her what happened about your dds present that got sent to the wrong place and are they sending a replacement.

Friendsmentalhealth · 29/12/2017 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newyearnewyew · 29/12/2017 20:55

I don't think I could make her squirm, she seems to have no shame or sense of empathy etc.

Because she turned up with gift for one and not the other and has never ever even given the other a bday gift in five years! Or basic card!

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CorbynsBumFlannel · 29/12/2017 20:59

If it happens again tell your dd loudly that you'll take her out to choose a gift since her aunt has forgotten her again.

CheekyFuckersAreEntertaining · 29/12/2017 21:14

Next time hand her your eldest daughter's gift back and politely say as she seems to be struggling financially, please don't feel obliged to get older DD anything. Probably best SIL just gets a refund and you can pick both the children something up when you're in town next to make it fair.

Of course explain this to your older DD (as she is over 5 she will be able to understand). Then take them both to Smyths or something! In fact, budget for it every year.

SIL doesn't care that she is cruel to your DD, don't feel that you need to keep the peace due to HER wrongdoings.

And screw MIL. The next time she makes any mention in the slightest of your DSIS's wrong sized gift or the gifts your family get DH, state very clearly "at least they've gone to the effort unlike SIL and little DD's nonexistent gifts."

CheekyFuckersAreEntertaining · 29/12/2017 21:15

And I may have missed that part but what does your DH say to his sister when she pulls this shit? What does he say to mumsy dearest when she's ragging on your family's gifts?

Graphista · 29/12/2017 21:42

Yes I'd like to know what your children's father is doing about this blatant favouritism too!

My mum (one of 6) had this with her gran - my grandfathers mother. she only got gifts for the boys. After just a couple of occasions where this became clear what she was doing my granda said to her you buy for them all or not at all. She tried to say she couldn't afford to buy for them all but granda was clear that then you buy cheaper gifts for them all but you don't favourite like that it's not on.

She took him at his word and stopped buying them all gifts - expecting to be begged to start again, my grandparents and mum and her siblings were fine with that (she was horrid in other ways too I hear).

Completely unacceptable behaviour by an adult which your children's father should be addressing.

HiggeldyPigsinblankets · 29/12/2017 21:57

what a spiteful cow, can you send the gift back to her with a note saying thank you but we treat our children equally and this is unfair stick your gift up your arse

Friendsmentalhealth · 29/12/2017 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newyearnewyew · 29/12/2017 22:08

Cheeky fucker, that's what every bone in my body has wanted to do. Because sil is always being lauded as the successful child, in banking etc... Mil had tears in her eyes once when we were talking about hoovers, she said...of course, sil can afford expensive ones...

So we have this drummed into us, successful wonderful sil, we have fil trumpeting when she turns up with shite for older dd,.... Oooh it's a present from.... Drum roll aunty x! Wozzers it's a......

Then when my partly estranged mad sister sends stuff all the way from new Zealand... And it arrives on times I feel violent.

Dh can't manage them or handle them at all. They won't change if he does say anything.

I have not seen them since March... It's the last Xmas we will spend with them.. It was few days before Xmas...
Sils gift to her dparents was....

A giant portrait of herself GrinGrin.
To have said... Oh sil your clearly struggling financially... Please please don't do this, we don't expect gifts from you would have been utterly amazing Grin

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Newyearnewyew · 29/12/2017 22:17

Graphista I agree adults should step in, my granny treated my older siblings differently.. Had long lasting effect.. Being quiet about these things does nothing.
I will not risk my dds going through this again.
Similarly with the book, if I got a child a book and they said they already had it I would simply take it back and replace it!!

Sil does have money issues I think.. She is unbelievable tight. But I expect a 36 year old to simply pick something else up rather than turn up empty handed.

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Graphista · 29/12/2017 22:17

Omg the ultimate narcissist gift a huge portrait of oneself Shock

user1468353179 · 29/12/2017 22:25

My dad's parents were like this, they bought for my brother but not for me. One day my dad came home and my brother had a new bike. My dad took it to their house, gave it back to them and said if they couldn't buy for both then not to bother. The next day I got a bike.
When I was born, my dad was thrilled to have a daughter as well as a son. Nana said that they didn't like girls!

Newyearnewyew · 29/12/2017 22:52

Is it narasistic? Grin couldn't believe it, I thought to myself as a joke... I bet this is a huge self portrait and it was!

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/12/2017 22:59

YANBU. Thats way out of line. Theres no reason for leaving a child out and making shit out of one and silk out of another.
I'd ask her out right what her problem is

Newyearnewyew · 30/12/2017 09:37

I sort of know what it is she is too tight.

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