Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancel Dts birthday party.

26 replies

Mummummummummummmmmmy · 29/12/2017 16:35

Dts are turning 7 next week and I have planned a birthday party for them, but over the last few weeks their behaviour has been shocking.
It all pretty much come to a head, last night we were grabbing a few bits in the supermarket, they were both running around and dts1 fell over and chipped his adult tooth, which resulted in me sitting up a&e all last night.

Their dad thinks we should cancel the party but I'm in two minds, we haven't had any replies back from school friends even though invitations went out before school broke up, so it's going to be hard to inform them that the party is cancelled by the time they go back to school as I don't know any of the parents, due to them only starting this school in September.

Obviously they would be disappointed but I don't think that this is going to help their behaviour.

OP posts:
KiteMarked · 29/12/2017 16:38

This is such a hard time of year for children, especially those with birthdays over the Christmas holiday period. It seems really unnecessary to cancel their party when they are being over excitable, though.

If none of their school friends show up to their party, maybe you can discuss a summer party, half birthday sort of thing?

My dd's birthday is a few days after Christmas and it is hard for her to have nothing special to look forward to throughout the rest of the year. We did a summer party one year and it was lovely.

Original poster
Mummummummummummmmmmy · 29/12/2017 16:42

That's the thing, I would cancel to rearrange at a later date bit they are looking forward to it.
It's also so frustrating not knowing how many people to cater for as I've had no rsvps from school, I know people are busy with Christmas but a text wouldn't go amiss.

OP posts:
PeppaIsMyHero · 29/12/2017 16:47

If you've warned them that the party depends on them behaving better, definitely cancel. If you haven't warned them that the party is under threat, cancelling could just make things worse.

I wouldn't have any qualms about cancelling a party if the child consistently behaved badly, but it needs to be a logical consequence to them.

KiteMarked · 29/12/2017 16:47

DD was snowed out of her party one year, ended up rearranging it twice and I was away at the time! It was crazy. She's "too old" for kiddy parties now, thankfully.

I understand your frustration. I would probably just cater for 2/3 of the number you invited and hope for the best. If there are a lot of no-shows, you don't need to cook for a few days after.

labazs · 29/12/2017 16:48

firstly with all the hoo ha of things going on for the festive season i expect most people have not replied just because it slipped their mind come to that it could well be still at the bottom of school bags and will not be seen until the parents sort them out for new term secondly i see how cancelling the party would be very tempting i think this time of year though there is so much hype and excitement even the most well mannered child loses it my one gd is so quiet and good no im not biased every one says that she was at school fayre few weeks ago and because she did not win a tiny chocolate bar on the tombola like her friend she had a tantrum akin to a 3 year old and she is 9! that sounds bad she knows her mum would have bought one off the stall anyway but it was just like the straw that broke the camels back after plays jumper days theatre trips and lack of sleep. i would see how it goes but make it clear behaviour improves or some other treat is cancelled

LadyLoveYourWhat · 29/12/2017 16:49

Mine always lost it a bit towards the end of term, doesn't sound like they've been so awful that you need to cancel their birthday party. Sanctions should happen close to the bad behaviour too, not saved up for a massive punishment. Isn't chipping your tooth and sitting for hours in A&E punishment enough, anyway?

Have you thought of giving them each a little shopping list of easy items to find when you go shopping? Kept mine amused and feeling proud they could help. Supermarket shopping is a trial for even the best behaved children.

Ellisandra · 29/12/2017 17:08

What are you punishing here?
Messing about in a shop, or fucking up your evening at A&E?

He didn't deliberately do the latter.
If you wouldn't cancel the party for over excitement at the most tiring and excitable time of year - then don't cancel it for the unintended more serious consequence!

How would you feel if someone decided to cancel your birthday night out because you'd failed as a parent to manage behaviour at this time of year? Pretty cross I bet!

Xmas is crazy, and a lot of parents are involved in the build up that tips some children over the edge. Don't punish him for that.

A number of parenting books suggest that children actually do want to behave when they can. I largely agree with that. He's 7 and it's Xmas. A full on term at school following by crazy whipped over excitement everywhere.

Keep the birthday party.
Work on some calm down strategies!

Knittedfairies · 29/12/2017 17:09

Do they know you are considering cancelling/postponing their birthday party? They sound like most seven year old boys to me.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/12/2017 17:13

They’re little kids. They should get to have a party.

Original poster
Mummummummummummmmmmy · 29/12/2017 17:13

Thank you some good advice here.
lady I do usually give one a list and the other picks the items bit that usually defends into mayhem as they get bored then start fighting.

I told them last night that if their behaviour doesn't improve it will get cancelled, so perhaps I should hold out.

They have just been getting on my last nerve and i know they've been excited for Christmas and that they're also on a come down if you like from the excitement, but it seems to be going on forever.
Dts2 has already broke dts1 lego dimensions and is just being spiteful and not listening and dts1 has tantrums as bad as a toddler everyday, it's all just a bit much.

OP posts:
Bollooooooocks · 29/12/2017 17:13

Give them one more warning nice and clear and then cancel
They are 7, so being excited is no excuse they should know better

Bollooooooocks · 29/12/2017 17:14

Just seen your update.... I'd cancel then

Original poster
Mummummummummummmmmmy · 29/12/2017 17:15

mummyof
I know they're little, but they do still need to understand that their actions have consequences.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummummummummummmmmmy · 29/12/2017 17:17

bollooooocks I warned them when we was sat in a&e, they have been a bit better today but still arguing.

OP posts:
Bluffinwithmymuffin · 29/12/2017 17:17

No wonder the NHS is in crisis when people whose kids have chipped a tooth expect to be treated in A&E.... surely first available appointment with your dentist is the next step?

What did they do to the chipped tooth in A&E?

Original poster
Mummummummummummmmmmy · 29/12/2017 17:28

Bluffinwithmymuffin the NHS are in crisis because people take the piss, those people are usually drunks and those who abuse drugs, not 6 year olds who have fallen on a concrete floor chipped their tooth and have blood pissing out of their mouths.
So if you have nothing to add to the thread in regards to the question I asked, please do jog on and have a nice evening.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 29/12/2017 17:28

It s holidays and they revved up.
Sounds typical kids.
If you paid for the party already don't cancel.
Save some presents they will o ly get if they gain some positive behaviours points.
Set up star charts.

Take some time out for yourself and leave them with your dh.

Bollooooooocks · 29/12/2017 17:29

So she's supposed to wait for next GP appointment after an accident like that? Hmm

OP I'd cancel mate

QuiteLikeable · 29/12/2017 17:36

I dunno...I have a 7 year old who would be broken if I cancelled her party!

How could they not be over excited with Christmas and birthday all in one go? It doesn't sound like they've done anything dreadful, just been annoying 7 year olds.

I'd sit them down for a serious talk and day you'll be making the final decision in 24 hours, and whatever the outcome is, is on them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/12/2017 17:37

Breaking Lego was mean and needed an immediate consequence.

Having a 7 yo still tantrumming daily is pretty old.

Are you struggling to calmly parent twins? Not that this is a judgment btw. It must be tough. Do you talk about us as a family and and how we behave? Do you spend time with the kids individually? It sounds as if there’s jealously, resentment and boredom.

Perhaps they need to be taught how to behave better rather than being expected to act appropriately. And cancelling their party isn’t going to do this.

TheFirstMrsDV · 29/12/2017 17:41

Its a really bad idea to use something as big as cancelling a party as a punishment.
Where the hell do you go from there?

Mrsmadevans · 29/12/2017 17:46

I think it seems a bit mean to cancel their birthday party OP. I know they have been naughty but they are only 6 turning 7 and it is a very exciting time of year bless them. Please rethink .

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 29/12/2017 18:40

Mummummummummummmmmmy

Bluffinwithmymuffin the NHS are in crisis because people take the piss, those people are usually drunks and those who abuse drugs, not 6 year olds who have fallen on a concrete floor chipped their tooth and have blood pissing out of their mouths

But it’s also true that accidents like your son’s don’t need to be dealt with in A&E - far too many people rush to casualty with injuries that look terrible for a few minutes, but can easily and effectively be treated at home, that’s all. Good luck with whatever you decide to do re the party though .

Pinkpeanut27 · 29/12/2017 21:39

Is there anyway you can separate them a bit ? Maybe give one time with you and one time with their dad? I find my twins are so much calmer with out the other one.
I find smaller immediate punishments work and avoiding conflicts . However I’m no expert as mine are 14 and still argue !

Friendsmentalhealth · 29/12/2017 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.