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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or stressy?

15 replies

ChimpsEatChomps · 29/12/2017 11:05

I have one week off for Christmas and have been counting down to it for months. I've been working 6-7 day weeks all year and very much looked forward to just relaxing with my DD, DH and Ddogs. The plan was to have plenty of lazy days, watching films, eating treats and walking the dogs.

On the 23rd DH tells me his parents have asked to come for Christmas dinner. They normally go to BIL's but fancied a change. They also had 3 other offers as well as BIL's. I make it clear I'd prefer it if they accepted another invite. Christmas Eve (first day off) arrives and DH says he called his parents and they're really looking forward to coming the next day.

So I spend Christmas Eve preparing for hosting the next day - the usual of peeling and chopping veg, tidying up, etc. while DH disappears all day shopping for extras as we would now be plus 2.

Christmas Day, after present opening, I get on with cooking the meats and a pudding. An hour before serving, his parents cancel.

Boxing Day, we normally go to see DH's parents to exchange gifts. This year they'd stressed that it would be a child-free event as they had their friends joining them. They only let us know this on Christmas Eve. So I stay home with DD and DH goes to see them. They live an hour away and he ends up staying here for the entire day.

Meanwhile, DD had d&v so I nurse her for the day at home.

Onto the 27th. Earlier in the year I'd encouraged DH to message his friends in their group chat to arrange an evening of Christmas drinks for all of us (including partners). This is sorted and is our only night out planned over Christmas.

In the lead up to it, DH says two of his friends have made it clear they want it to be a men only night so aren't bringing their wives. DH tells them I, as well as other partners, will be coming so it can't be men only.

Skip forward to the 27th, the majority of the couples have cancelled leaving just me, DH and the two friends who wanted it to be men only. Obviously I feel a bit odd going out knowing that so I stay at home instead. His two friends arrive at ours (closest to the city centre) around midday instead of the preplanned 19:00. I then end up feeding them and they drink us dry. They all go out and all crash back home in the early hours.

This then spills into the 28th as I have three drunken men in my living room until 15:00.

The final straw came today. I had booked a hotel for the three of us on NYE in London. The plan was to have a nice dinner, stay up late and watch the fireworks then off to bed. It had free cancellation before the 27th. DH announces today that he'd cancelled it when DD was ill on Boxing Day as he thought she might still be unwell for NYE and didn't want to risk losing the free cancellation.

It feels like every day so far has brought more stress than rest and I keep ending up in situations I would never choose to put myself in - such as hosting his parents, drunken men in my home, scrabbling around for NYE ideas, etc.

I feel fed up, like my break is being wasted but I don't know if I'm being overly stressy because I had such high expectations for this week as I'd been counting down to it for so long.

AIBU to be fed up? Am I being stressy? I don't even know who I'm mad with. Who am I mad with? I just feel pissed off.

OP posts:
Afreshnewyearplease · 29/12/2017 11:07

Urgh no id be really pissed off

Tinselistacky · 29/12/2017 11:09

His dps are diabolical!! And he isn't much better!! Plan yourself an evening of food /TV /clock off from any domestic duties and enjoy yourself. Send dh to his dps!!

cakeymccakington · 29/12/2017 11:10

Yes and no.

Your in laws sound like nobs

Your DH sounds like a nob too and ought to have said something to his parents about messing you around with Christmas day.

Regarding the going out for drinks... I'd have gone!
If they'd turned up midday I'd have expected your DH to tell them to fuck off until evening. Why let them come in and drink all your drink If you weren't happy with it?

Your DH is taking the piss, but you're letting him by not even saying "wtf dh "

Communicate!

LackinginChristmascheer · 29/12/2017 11:10

Your DH has a serious issues with communication and lack of respect for you. That's your problem here. I'm not surprised you're upset.

FluffyWuffy100 · 29/12/2017 11:10

You’ve got a husband problem.

Husband should have said no to parents for Xmas lunch.
Husband shouldn’t have stayed all day at his parents.
Husband should have gone out with you not his ‘man night’.

He doesn’t really give a shit about you.

Dragongirl10 · 29/12/2017 11:12

YANBU !
you poor thing!

That is partly rotten luck...DD being ill and partly rude people PILS and DH friends

Be prepared for next year, ask who you want well ahead of time, make it clear for how long, get agreement, and don't budge.

Prime DH on plans repeatedly and ensure he is onside with plans in advance....

He needs to take DD off your hands and give you a full day with a Girlfriend for lunch/shopping/pedicure before you go back l think!

ladymariner · 29/12/2017 11:13

You have every right to be pissed off at the whole thoughtless lot of them (apart from dd) and I'd be telling dh he'd better be getting his act together and sorting out a bloody good new years eve for you all. YADNBU

Namechangetempissue · 29/12/2017 11:15

YANBU at all OP, I would have totally lost my shit by now. Your "D"H has been awful, and as for his parents cancelling an HOUR before Christmas dinner? Just dreadful and so rude. I would be furious.

nousername123 · 29/12/2017 11:15

I would be furious. Your husband is the main issue here. He's just doing whatever he wants without any regard for your feelings. It's incredibly selfish of him. You need to have a serious word with him x

maras2 · 29/12/2017 11:16

I'd be blooming furious at any of those things.
How thoughtless him and his parents are. Flowers Cake Wine Gin All to say YANBU.

ChimpsEatChomps · 29/12/2017 11:49

Thank you all. You know when you're inside a situation and can't see the wood for the trees? That's how I've been feeling, second guessing my (pissed off) reactions and then not wanting to create an atmosphere because it's Christmas but still feeling fed up then annoyed with myself for feeding fed up.

DH is a people pleaser and has problems saying no but this doesn't seem to extend to me. When I pulled him up on saying yes to his parents in the first place and letting his friends arrive so early, he said he wanted to show off my cooking and felt rude saying no.

I'd just like a nothingy day of lying in bed with DD watching films and eating chocolate then we roll downstairs to do the same thing on the sofa Xmas Grin that's all I've been craving but everyday there seems to have been a spanner in the works. Today started off like that til he announced he'd cancelled NYE. Now I'm annoyed and so there's tension in the house, not great for DD.

OP posts:
snackarella · 29/12/2017 11:53

I'd be very fucked off at all the things! Poor you.
Xx

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2017 12:02

YANBU, I'd be well pissed off.

Then again, I found it difficult to read past this little gem...

So I spend Christmas Eve preparing for hosting the next day - the usual of peeling and chopping veg, tidying up, etc. while DH disappears all day shopping for extras as we would now be plus 2.

He disappeared all day to top up a bit of food for 2 people? Seriously? Lazy fucker.

New year's resolution for you, should be to stop letting everyone take the piss.

Merryoldgoat · 29/12/2017 12:08

Your PIL cancelled CHRISTMAS DAY dinner on the day? What reason did they give? Can't have been illness if they were up to hosting the next day?

No children at a family gathering?

They sound douchey.

And your partner sounds like a bit of a dick to disappear like that.

dorislessingscat · 29/12/2017 12:16

Yeah, I'd go nuclear.

Down tools now and make your DH do the rest of the cooking etc.

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