Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to feel like returning this Christmas card to SIL

47 replies

ScandiNoir · 28/12/2017 19:07

This is a slightly light hearted rant about an issue that happens once a year and I would love to get your point of view on it. In the grand scheme of things I know it matters not a jot...but it pisses me off every year no matter how much I try to channel my inner zen. By the way my DH just laughs at the issue.

I have been married for 30 years, my kids are in their 20's. I took my husband's surname as many did in the olden days. My SIL my DH's sister has lived on other side of world for 20 years. I have only seen her twice in all that time, but she comes over every few years and my DH has seen her maybe 6 -7 times. She has never met my youngest (21).So, not what you'd call close!

Anyway, every Christmas a card arrives addressed to Mr Noir and family. Inside it says to Dear Mr Noir's first name and family, have a great Christmas etc.

AIBU to send it back with some crib notes on what my name is and what our kids names are? To Scandi and family is what some of my customers or my hairdresser write in cards...NOT a relative.
I know it's ridiculous but I find it really insulting , it's as though we don't matter enough to bother to write out our names.

I told you it was trivial

OP posts:

incywincybitofa · 28/12/2017 23:39

I think you should do a lucky dip of the best suggestions on here and next year and for the next 10 years pick out randomly different but equally questionable ways of addressing the card

Riv · 29/12/2017 00:04

How about going totally passive aggressive?
Next year address the card to Mr Noir's sister. (not Ms Noir or whatever her surname is)
Inside sign it (including the bits in brackets)
from Mr Noir (your brother) Scandi Noir (your sister in law for 30 years)
followed by the full name of each of your DCs in turn (your niece for x years)

Riv · 29/12/2017 00:06

or nephew or relative depending on preferred gender of your DCs.

WiggleYourWoo · 29/12/2017 00:13

My BIL misspells my first name all the time. I have been married to his brother for 8 years. He also misspells my Daughter's name, his niece, she is 3yo. Our names are not difficult. It does annoy me.

Original poster

ScandiNoir · 29/12/2017 11:33

incywincy I think you are right, actioning a lucky dip of the replies will allow me a response whilst stopping me doing what I'd love to do (in the op) which is quite aggressive really.
Thanks all for the responses and I am secretly quite pleased that most of you think think she is rude.

OP posts:

CurryWorst · 29/12/2017 11:33

It seems I must be the Devil incarnate, according to the replies so far. When you’re writing lots of cards, it takes a lot of time and your hand gets sore

To you BROTHER and his wife and kids? Come off it, we're not talking about cards to your postman or kids teacher.

meredintofpandiculation · 29/12/2017 12:39

I once got from my uncle, “To and boyfriend”. Oh, I understand this! I have horrible mind blanks when writing cards, and panics as to whether the boyfriend's name really is what I think it is, or am I getting muddled with other DN's boyfriend. Which is worse, "and boyfriend" or "and

Mammyloveswine · 29/12/2017 13:29

I was offended that we got a card off dhs uncle and auntie saying "to Rosie and jim and family... " we only have one son and one on the way... he has a small family too! But they've always been a bit weird... took great offence at our child free wedding then declared they had to leave strsight after the meal to get back for the "little one" who was 11 at the time...

My sister got a card off a relative that said "to Sandy and ?" 🤣🤣🤣 so rude but did make me laugh

CocaColaTruck · 29/12/2017 13:46

It's very non U to write a salutation inside a card.

coalit · 29/12/2017 14:03

My Step dad, who was recovering from a stroke, sent my mum a birthday card saying,

TO JEAN FROM MR SMITH. We all loved it.

DoculamentDoculament · 29/12/2017 14:09

Some people really have to dig around to find something to be offended by!

XmasInTintagel · 29/12/2017 14:28

Well I guess I should be apoplectic, as one of my fairly close relatives and his wife always send a card to me and my DCs, which says only 'from Cedric and Ethel x' (names changed...) - I.e., they don't personalise it at all, nothing written at the top at all!
I do notice, and it always slightly amuses me that they're rather proper, and have everything just so in their house, but don't seem to think its rude to skip peoples names on cards .
I wonder sometimes if they have a very good rubber stamp of their names, so that they can mass produce these cards each year without any variation between recipients :-).

I will work on being more cross about this

CocaColaTruck · 29/12/2017 15:31

I do notice, and it always slightly amuses me that they're rather proper, and have everything just so in their house, but don't seem to think its rude to skip peoples names on cards

That's because it's the correct etiquette not to.

XmasInTintagel · 29/12/2017 17:22

Cocacolatruck, is that really so? So when you send a card, you shouldn't mention the recipient on it at all? I'm a bit surprised - that means everyone I know has been committing card faux pas, constantly (except of course, the relative I wrote about!)

CocaColaTruck · 29/12/2017 17:34

My maiden great aunts were very firm on the matter, Xmas. The salutation is on the envelope, if you have anything further to say, you enclose a note.

To write "To ...." is common. They were sticklers for doing the right thing and long gone, sadly, but I still obey some of their rules.

They were educated and "finished" at a school for young ladies, so I'm guessing that's where they learned their ways.

Original poster

ScandiNoir · 29/12/2017 17:54

Well that's interesting re the etiquette. I didn't know that. I would prefer that she was "proper" and just wrote nothing inside but her wishes but then I would still be annoyed by the Mr Noir and family on the envelope.

Maybe next year I will send her a card with nothing written in it at all but the pre printed Merry Christmas...then it would add some mystery to the festive season

OP posts:

XmasInTintagel · 29/12/2017 18:28

I had a boyfriend long ago who went a step further - he bought a thank you card for me, but presented it still in the cellophane wrapper, so that it was also the gift of a thank you card which I could use for someone else. You can't really fault the logic !

Maddy70 · 29/12/2017 18:34

Seriously you need to get a grip here This is nonsense! Honestly ,why are you allowing yourself this negativity ?

Original poster

ScandiNoir · 29/12/2017 19:14

XmasinTintagel that's a good one!

OP posts:

Redguitar2 · 29/12/2017 20:20

Some people really have to dig around to find something to be offended by!

OP clearly states in the first paragraph that it was a 'light-hearted rant'. I don't see anywhere that she said she had been 'offended'. Some people really need to dig around to find negativity in a clearly light-hearted thread

AdoraBell · 29/12/2017 22:48

mere yes, they are passive aggressive. Refuse to accept that their children have grown up so they treat me and DH like children. Even worse with their other son, anniversary card written to him without his wife’s name, bought me an Easter egg but told DH they couldn’t give it me at Easter because they didn’t buy one for the other DIL. Tells me that SIL is a bitch, tells her that I am a bitch, sweet as pie to our faces. They played their DC off against each other when they were younger. FIL is aggressive to MIL if we have a holiday because he has no control while we are away. Lots more where that came from.

It’s nothing to do with MN, or anyone else’s MIL. Just the way my PIL are.

DoculamentDoculament · 30/12/2017 06:30

Redguitar - if you read past the first sentence of the OP you'd see that the OP says it 'pisses her off every year' and she finds it 'really insulting' so not lighthearted at all..

Flip

1 2