Bit of a moan! I'd prefer them to not buy anything

[bespawler]

DD is 2, her dad and I are separated. Since we separated neither me or DD has had any contact with her dad's side of the family (their choice) but they sent presents with her dad on her birthday and have sent her some bits for Xmas too. She's had an absolutely massive toy that is for a 6 year old, clothes in 12-18 months and a generic card with her name spelt wrong.

There's massive issues with my ex. Abusive relationship, supervised contact, etc and I know that's why his family have chosen to distance themselves from us but I just don't get why would they bother spending money on things that they must know she isn't going to be able to use. I'd honestly prefer them to not buy anything. Is it me? Am I taking the gesture wrong?

I think they have tried but just not hard enough. It’s really the thought that counts, isn’t it? Just accept they didn’t forget her but didn’t think enough about the presents. Write a note to say thank you. Be gracious. You should not refuse any future gifts or tell them what to buy. They were perhaps not well informed about her size by your ex and she will eventually okay with the toy. Mine always played with toys for “older” children.

It might be me taking it wrong. They don't want anything to do with her, they don't want to see her, I send thank you cards that I know go straight in the bin, why bother sending her a present? I'm not going to say what toy they sent but it's absolutely huge, it's bigger than me and all small parts. You would never expect a 2 year old to actually be able to use it. I don't know what to think of the whole thing tbh. I'm probably too much the other way but I really enjoy buying gifts for people. I put a lot of effort into it so that they get something that they will enjoy or appreciate. To me that's what "It's the thought that counts" means. If there's no thought then surely you're just spending money on a token gesture.

So treat it as a token gesture.

Don't acknowledge and whizz it straight to the charity shop.

I have to say that in your place I would be refusing the gifts. They want no contact, thank you cards are put in the bin ... all seems very odd! 'It's the thought that counts' - sorry, I don't think that excuses anything. I've been given some crap in the past that clearly has had no or very little thought put into it at all. Why are they sending gifts? Your daughter is probably never going to know them so I think I would stop accepting them (if that's possible for you to do). A friend of my DM used to get inappropriate stuff from her MIL that she believed was deliberately 'wrong' to try and upset or undermine (but her MIL was a mean and bitter woman). If you can't not accept then I would suggest not opening them and giving them straight to charity - explaining that they are unwanted and you've no clue what's inside. And stop sending thank yous.

I'd say - keep them at Exs house

My MIL sees DS every few months but still buys toys and clothes for the wrong age! At least when they're too big you can put them aside for when they're older.

Regift/ charity shop the others.

The clothes aren't a problem, I just give them to my friend who has a little girl that age. But this massive toy is another story. It'll be going to the charity shop as soon as I can get it there. I just can't understand the logic behind it. They must know that she isn't going to use it so what do they think I'm going to do with something that takes up a corner of her room? I did say to my ex that I wasn't comfortable accepting the gifts but he just said that I'm being a cow and depriving our child. It's not like they're even sending gifts in an attempt to reinstate contact because I tried to speak to them a little while ago and they ignored me. People are weird.