Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not like game playing?

11 replies

Pinkhoodie · 28/12/2017 14:19

My 9 year old ds can be very careless with his things. Forgetting stuff, leaving things lying around where they could get broken, it drives me mad but I try to just keep reminding him and if things get lost or broken because of carelessness then they don't get replaced.

My dh is just as bad to be honest and must waste hours of his life searching for his keys/wallet/phone because he always misplaces them. He even threw his van keys in the skip once.

Anyway, dh seems to think it's funny to hide ds stuff to 'teach him a lesson' if he's left it lying around. Then let ds panic and get upset looking for the item when he realises it's missing.

I don't like this style and really lost my temper with dh yesterday when he hid ds new football which had been dumped somewhere then played dumb when ds was looking for it.

I don't think it teaches anything other than to lie and deceive.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 28/12/2017 14:21

It seems really mean

Maybe you should start hiding your husband's stuff to see if he likes it

Theresnonamesleft · 28/12/2017 14:23

Does he not realise that his son is only mimicking his dad's behaviour? He sees him leave his crap everywhere, lose it, and panic when he cannot find it?
Or has he never been pulled up about this?

LiveLifeWithPassion · 28/12/2017 14:30

That’s quite horrible. How would your dh like that done to him?
I’m sure parents around the whole world have to keep telling their kids to put things away.
You can be a strict parent. You don’t have to be a cruel one.

Pinkhoodie · 28/12/2017 14:35

Who knows? I'm always pulling dh up on him losing stuff, he always blames someone else for it says one of the kids must have moved it.

Dhs dad used to do the same and once hid his bike and pretended it was stolen but I don't think it's a good idea.

OP posts:
DoculamentDoculament · 28/12/2017 14:42

I'm going to be that poster but I'd potentially think about ADHD for both of them.

It's a really common inattentive symptom and if they also seem to not listen, lose concentration, start things and not complete them, have a poor memory etc then it may be valid.

Also common for an adult with ADHD not diagnosed to think they can 'teach' their child to be better at it.

DoculamentDoculament · 28/12/2017 15:03

ADHD is hugely hereditary - if there are 3 generations with similar then I'd look into it.

BattleCunt · 28/12/2017 15:09

God that's fucking horrible to be honest. I don't blame you for not liking that, it's really not on.

DoculamentDoculament · 28/12/2017 15:12

A neurotypical adult doesn't spend hours looking for things they've misplaced or throw their keys in a skip.

WhoWants2Know · 28/12/2017 15:37

They don't? Shit.

(Actually, I've posted about my tendency to forget or lose things on here before, and had a load of PMs suggesting I may have ADD)

Bambamber · 28/12/2017 15:41

I am forever losing things, don't think I've ever gone one day without misplacing something or another. I get really frustrated and upset when it happens and if my husband deliberatly hid something from me i would be incredibly upset. I think it's a horrible thing to do, it essentially just winding someone up for no reason

DoculamentDoculament · 28/12/2017 16:07

WhoWants:

Things I hear diagnosing adults with ADHD from partners or family:

They don't listen = in some peoples minds, they don't value me enough to listen to what I say so I have to repeat myself.

They forget important things = they don't care enough to remember things that are important to me or our children.

They lose things -= they don't care about their things and then they accuse other people of moving things or get pissy when we tidy up and move things.

They're late = they don't care enough about us or other people to be on time. They think their time is more important. I get everything ready to leave and they get distracted by something else = selfish.

They get distracted = i'm trying to talk about something or get something done and they're distracted by something they've just seen or remembered = they don't care about me or us.

They leave the house without their lunch or keys or laptop = irresponsible or lazy. It's always me that has to remind them.

They didn't notice I had my hair done or cleaned the house or decorated a room = nothing I do is appreciated or valued.

They start DIY projects and abandon them = they don't care.

I have to organise everything - if I didn't, everything would go to shit but they don't care or notice.

They avoid things they find hard or boring = I have to do everything because if I didn't, we'd be in debt because of late payments or bills just wouldn't be paid.

They're irresponsible, lazy or just don't care enough to do things properly. It's like having another child to look after.

Now, all of those things in isolation or even just a few might just be an irresponsible, lazy person but several in combination might be inattentive ADHD. And that's just the inattentive and not hyperactive- impulsive symptoms so I can't help but think of ADHD when I hear them.

It's really common - approx 5% of children and 2.5% of adults and I think that's a conservative statistic.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.