To feel disappointed with my birthday?

[yellowDahlia]

I need a grip, people. Yesterday was my 40th. It was a nice day, but not the one I wanted.

Being so close to Christmas it was difficult to figure out how best to celebrate the day. DH's brother and his family are visiting (staying with his DPs) and obviously we've spent time with them and with my own DPs for the past few days, as well as spending time with friends on Christmas Eve. For weeks I had been suggesting spending the day just the four of us - me, DH and the DDs - maybe a day out, a meal, chilling in front of the telly in the evening. Perhaps seeing family (mine) briefly along the way. But DH was insistent that everyone would want to see me on my birthday and we should do something all together. So eventually I settled on going for a walk (we went to a beach - it was lovely but cold) and afternoon tea at a nice hotel, as I didn't want to host everyone again and didn't want to ask any other family members to do it either. But as we sat down to the afternoon tea I just had this crushing feeling that it wasn't how I really wanted to spend the day. Expensive sandwiches and small talk with the family - we've honestly run out of things to say to each other now. I didn't even get a glass of champagne with it, which was an option but no-one suggested it (yellowdahlia it's your birthday let's have some bubbly type of thing).

So, was hoping to redeem the day by spending the evening drinking champagne at home and watching one of my favourite films with DH...then one of our best friends came round, which was lovely and she's relaxed company, but she was driving, DH is feeling crap (another cold) and we ended up chatting/ watching half of an old Harry Potter and I cracked open my own bottle of bubbles at 10pm when I'd given up hope of anyone else offering me some.

Honestly, I know I'm whining and IABU as I received some lovely gifts and have a lovely family to spend time with, but I suppose with it being my 40th I was hoping for something...else. I just feel a bit sad and don't know if it's because of the anti-climax of the Big Birthday, PMT, introvert hangover (I'm so peopled-out now) or the onset of a massive midlife crisis triggered by my 40th birthday!

Sorry for the self-indulgent ramble but I needed to get this out of my head. I want to tell DH how I feel but I can't - I can't tell anyone IRL really, as it involves them all!

Someone tell me it's Just a Day and Really Doesn't Matter - please!

What is it about MN at the moment? It's full of women people being incredibly passive and then being upset because they didn't get what they wanted for Christmas/birthday.

Come on, op - you are fabulous and forty!! Order whatever you want, and never let your dh tell you what you ought to enjoy for your special day.

Happy birthday!

user148, I'm so sorry to hear that - I hope things have improved and wish you every happiness in 2018 xx

Mine was awful. My DP was working abroad, it was midweek, all my friends were in work, I ended up going for burgers with my little ones and their Nannie, couldn't even have a drink cause I was driving, and I don't drink around the kids. It was absolutely depressing. Ugh.

I do understand OP because my 40th was similar. I gave DH lots of ideas of what we could spend the day doing, but in the end no one organised anything or made a fuss. It took me months to shake off the crushing anti-climactic feeling and disappointment.

I’m a while down the line from that now and accepting that if I don’t ask/tell clearly and repeatedly, I won’t get. So requests for Christmas and Birthday are now made very clear, no room for ambiguity. And I got exactly what I wanted for Christmas this year!

Happy Belated 40th. Move was before Christmas and I did organise what I wanted to do otherwise I would have been disappointed. DH and Dd like to do what they like but not think about what I like. They did well on the presents though.

On your 50th do what you want to do and not what DH thinks would be better.

It wasn't the day you wanted. I think your husband should have said to his family, "Yellow wants to do something just the four of us this year and it's her 40th so what we'll do is call in to see you on the 26th or 29th - but 28th is out, ok?".

Bit late now, I know, but could you have a re-run just the four of you, just as you'd have wanted it yesterday?

Happy Birthday for yesterday!

Happy birthday. I know how you feel because I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago and didn't do anything to celebrate. I was planning on going for a meal with my DP and eventually my mum agreed to babysit after at first saying no, only for my youngest to be ill, so just stayed home. You always hear about people doing all these amazing things for their milestone birthdays and I felt stupid telling people I did nothing but I have a lot to be thankful for and at the end it's just one day.

Happy Birthday OP.

I also celebrated my birthday during the past week. I know from experience that as it's so close to Christmas I need to organise the sort of birthday I want in advance, it's no good relying on other people to do it for me.

Here's some and from me.

I ignored my 40th. Didn't open cards. Some colleagues had organised a walk somewhere scenic, where I'd always fancied going, on the same day. I went and it was cold but beautiful. In the evening, a friend of a friend was celebrating his 40th on the nearest weekend - his birthday was earlier in the week. I was invited as a plus 1. Comedy evening with meal.
I had an enjoyable day. Most of it was pure coincidence and only my friend said 'isn't your birthday sometime this time of year?'.
It suited me.

Belated Happy 40th!

My birthday is also at a shit time (in just under a week), so I completely empathise OP. By the time it comes around, everyone (including me) is over celebrating anything, over each other, often 'detoxing' and usually broke.

In recent years they have been better because I have become more proactive - planning the day myself, telling people exactly what I want to do, etc. Not in an 'it's all about me' way, but just in a 'this is what I'd like to do' (usually something low key).

Happy belated birthday OP, and sorry it was a bit rubbish this time

Sorry your birthday was poop op. Sounds to me like you need to be more assertive and make it happen.

I am 40 in 2019 and am going to arrange a trip to either New York or Cape Town. If I relied on my husband it wouldn't happen!

Happy birthday

It's not too late for you to organise something else to celebrate in the way you would like.

I know it would have been nice to do it on the actual day or have your DH be a bit more focused on making it nice for you with champagne at the afternoon tea, but you can still fix it.

Book a meal for the four of you, have the day you planned, and just tell your DH that it had been on your mind and you'd really like to just have a nice little celebration together as it felt a bit overtaken with everyone else celebrating Christmas.

And make sure that you order the champagne.

Happy Birthday.

I really didn't want to be one of those passive MNers who complain about what they didn't ask for! But it was going round my head since yesterday evening and I needed to let it out somehow - I knew the fine MN collective would be helpful and give me a healthy dose of sympathy/reality check - I honestly appreciate both!

Assertiveness is definitely on my list of things to practise in 2018.

And happy birthday to my fellow Christmas and NY birthday-havers!

Oh and I'm definitely going to engineer a good day out for the four of us before the end of the holidays

Aaah OP. I feel for you. I’m also a very close to Xmas birthday girl and pretty much always have a day that isn’t really about me or what I want. It’s always hijacked by Xmas celebrations and often I get a “merry Xmas oh and happy Birthday” then move onto next person “merry xmas” etc. I’ve pretty much given up on birthdays. I’m resigned to that.