Re. Unsupervised child in street

[merville]

This is a retrospective one.

My sister has recently raised a grievance/issue she has with me about an incident that happened years ago (about 15 yrs). She is aggrieved that I 'questioned her parenting' after I called at her house and found her then 6 year old son playing in the street alone (her house is in a suburban cul de sac).

Myself and my now husband played with him until she and her ex husband returned about 20 mins later (we tried to take him indoors at one point but were told the house was locked up). I don't know how long he was there alone before we arrived.

She then said they had gone into town to get cinema tickets (it was something like Harry Potter and they were in danger of being sold out). I can't remember whether she said he'd been left playing in the street with friends, or left playing in a friend's house. The whole incident was a bit awkward and her then husband was v temperamental (ended up being abusive) so conversation was limited. We took the dog (our main reason for calling) away for a walk and left pretty quickly.

My opinion was that; even if he was left playing in a friend's house, they should have made it abundantly clear to an adult that they were going out, locking up their house, and that that person was now responsible for their son (and shouldn't let him leave on his own).
I found it hard to believe they'd done that given how few people would let a child leave their house like that, but haven't had the chance to discuss it in detail as it was a touchy subject and myself and my sister have not been close/on great terms in the interim (this isn't isolated to me).

She also raised that I questioned her parenting 'after she was a single mother for yrs' (he marriage later broke down) .. but the incident happened when she was not a single mother so I felt it was clouding the issue.

Really I'm asking for perspectives on the scenario and whether you would have been perturbed like I was and later said something. (I cannot remember what I said but I fully admit I was disapproving and she has been angry/aggrieved about it for yrs).

It sounds like you may have overreacted but it's bizarre that your DSis has brought it up now, as presumably all is well with your DNephew and he's 21 now. I'd suggest the best thing to do would be to apologise for whatever you said that upset her so much and then hopefully you can both move on.

I suspect it was the drink talking more than anything else though.

Even 25 years ago it was not normal for parents to lock up their house and go out leaving a 6 year old unsupervised in the street.

Wow! 15 yrs and she's still clinging to that grudge.
TBH, if she's better at arms length that is where I'd keep her.
Perhaps a nice text saying, "people on MN agree with me and that's all I need" then send a link to the responses.
Ok, so a bit TIC but you get it, I silently judged when my neighbour sent her 6 yr old to school on his own.... not close.

I cannot remember what I said but I fully admit I was disapproving and she has been angry/aggrieved about it for yrs

Can you really not remember what you said?

In my experience people tend to play down their own bad behaviour and avoid bringing it up again and again.

If she has been upset about this for 15 years, and still brings it up, it is probably not her own behaviour she is unhappy with.

DoYouWant- no, to be honest I can't.
I think I said it directly to her and I think I must've said something to the effect of it seeming potentially dangerous for him to be in the street alone like that, locked out of his house (not that it's ideal for a 6 yr old to be home alone but ..).

You definitely weren't unreasonable, as leaving a 6 year old alone in the Street was definitely potentially dangerous, and even 15 years ago would have been considered as neglect. Her extreme response was very likely because deep down she knew you were right and is embarrassed that you found her out.

No need to feel bad at all, just say you're sorry if you sounded judgmental, which as you say, you had a tendency to be.

She may still bring it up again when she's had too much to drink though.

Also - some posters have suggested it is guilt/unhappiness with herself. I have not.

(In response to DoYouWant).