Have I got it right?

[Nitrobetty1]

Will try to keep it concise.
Had an extramarital affair 15 years ago. Still in touch. Differences in everything make any contact now mainly acrimonious but still in touch.
Had always said I look after their dog if anything happened. They had a brain haemorrhage 2 years ago. I took the dog. They survived & made a good recovery. Dog went back. Just been texted saying should anything happen they’d now rather dog went to another person. Apparently as I was stressed when I had it the last time. And also because I apparently said I’d get their dog put down rather than rehome it. I may have said this from the point of view it an old dog & very fixated on person who owns it has it is a single person household & they are all they’ve known. And I would have said it in the context that if I could not look after it I would not rehome it as I have seen it’s separation anxiety. It’s distressing & it knows me & my dogs.
AIBU to be offended & hurt by this two years after the event & after I did everything to keep it safe & happy the last time. I did a LOT not just with the dog but with person visiting them daily, buying clothes & food. Taking them home & being on call while they recovered etc.

So someone you had an affair with 15 years ago, that you no longer get on with, had asked you to have their dog if anything happened to them, but now wants someone else to have the dog in the event of their sad demise? Is that right?

I'd be thinking 'thank fuck for that, didn't want your dog anyway.'

Why do you even talk to this person? Seems bonkers.

Why are you using they? Is it more than one person? Why would you stay in touch with someone you had an affair with, especially if you don't really get asking anymore?

This is really confusing due to the pronouns! Just say "he" or "she".

But from what I can gather, you're best keeping your distance. Sounds like a shit-show of a situation.

I'd use this opportunity to move on once and for all. What's gone is gone, onward and upwards.

It’s one person. A male. I know it sounds bonkers. I feel I have been in a psychologically damaging relationship with them. But cannot see the woods for the trees as I have no one in RL to talk to about it.

Are you with a partner now? Does he know about the affair?

Just wondering why you can't let go of each other? What is the hold?

Not sure yes am married to same person. I have 2 daughters.

I think you know this is bonkers.
Your post says that someone who you have a bad relationship with is no longer going to leave you a dog you don’t want if they die.
That is not a real problem.

Reading between the lines, you are saying that someone you pretend not to like & have consistently negative interactions with does not appreciate what you did for them 2 years ago and you are hurt by this because you want them to be grateful to you which may, or may not be because, 15 years after the affair, you still want their attention.

This is still not really a problem.
Any issue you have is internal. This is about your feelings. It is not about a man and his dog.

The dog must be knocking on a bit by now.

I probably wouldn't want you having the dog either if you even mentioned in the passing about putting it down.

Your husband must be really understanding

End all contact with 'him'. Get on with your husband and DD's and stop fretting about a dog that may or not come to you in the future.

Yes this is bonkers - see some sense.

You are invested in a person that you had a covert, abusive relationship with 15 years ago. That relationship could have ended your marriage.
Do you know why you are still so tied to them? Ask yourself at what point will you decide to let go and move on?

Yabu. Let it and him go and move on.