To think she needs to get help

[User700800]

My goddaughter aged 22 has lost a lot of weight in the last six months. She was quite a bit overweight before but is now underweight at 5'4 and 7 stones. She however refusing to be seen by her GP and as she's an adult we can't force treatment on her. Any ideas of how we could persuade her?

She's only slightly underweight, according to the NHS BMI calculator I found online.

Nagging at her about it isn't going to help. In fact, if you bang on about it all the time you're likely to do more harm than good and could head her into an eating disorder.

I'd give her a bit more time. If she's eating well then there's no problem. If she's obsessing about eating and exercising then speak to your GP and ask what you can do to help. But don't try to force her to do anything. It does sound like you might have done that already, as you've said she's refusing to speak to the GP: just recognise that if she does have a problemand I'm not convinced she doesshe needs love, not nagging now.

She's been eating 500 calories a day for six months. She was four stone overweight before the weight loss.

ontherise you must have typed the numbers in wrong. The op’s goddaughter is severely underweight with a bmi of 16.8. Anorexics are typically diagnosed below 17.5. It’s the trend downwards that’s worrying.

How do you know how many calories she’s been eating op?

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

There are some helpful resources here.

She recently disclosed her intake to me however she now thinks it's a good intake and if she eats anymore she will gain all the weight she's lost back.

She's in trouble. If she won't see the GP, go yourself and ask for advice.

She needs help, but I'm not sure of the path for you to take.

An old school friend of mine had a full eating disorder after a similar situation. She has spent 10 years on and off as an inmate in wards, and is obsessed with her size and weight, and anorexic/bulliamic. It's quite sad as her children suffer from her illness, but there is nothing anyone can really do. She has had a lot of professional help though - without that I think she may not have even been here.

Over a stone underweight, with such a restrictive diet, and a fear of weight regain, she needs some form of counselling. It's good she is disclosing to you, but she does need a professional.

Her body can't survive on 500 cal a day long term, she needs support, perhaps nutritionist gift vouchers for Christmas (albeit late!)

16.8 is not severely underweight. Significant yes, but not severe... so don't panic just yet.

She has spoken to you, that is a good thing. But she needs to speak to a professional. NOTHING you say will be taken as you mean it. If she has food fear she will be really good at 'interpreting' everything.

I hope you can persuade her to see her GP. But you could go and see them, tell them why you are worried. They won't be able to discuss it, but they will have to listen and, if they are good, they may be able to find a way to get her to talk to them!

Good luck!

Are you sure she is only 7 stone or is her weight just in the 7 stone bracket. At the upper end of 7 stone bracket that’s just about ok.

I am 5,4 and weigh 8 and a half - people say I’m already fairly small. When I weighed 8 stone exactly I was told I was far far too thin. If you are correct and she is 7 stone, or around that weight, then yes you are absolutely correct to be concerned and to get her some help.

That’s a huge amount of weight to lose in such a short period of time. I would also be concerned her muscle mass will have drastically reduced. Does she get ill more often now? Colds, etc?

She has clearly become obsessive. You’re right to be worried. But talking to her about it will be difficult, she won’t think there’s an issue.

She’s on a dangerous path and could be doing serious long term damage to her health.

Thanks for all replies. I saw her yesterday and she's lost even more weight since I last saw her when I attempted to talk to her she completely closed up so I'm at at loss of how to help.

It's really, really not about the weight. Sufferers of Eating Disorders can die at normal or above normal weight. It's possible to be diagnosed with anorexia at a normal or higher than normal BMI but other Eating Disorders are equally dangerous.

A BMI of 16.8 is severely underweight. Yes, there are anorexia sufferers with lower BMI's but that's not what we're aspiring to.

Mumsnet doesn't necessarily understand ED's, OP. You will get some helpful responses here but also some dangerous ones.

I would contact the Beat helpline and sign up to their mailing list.

Focus on the feelings when you talk to her. She's likely to be more receptive if she doesn't hear that you want to take her control away and make her eat more. Focus on your concern about her unhappiness and try to encourage her to talk to the GP about that as a first step.

Beat will have some good advice. They may have a sup port group local to you.

Thanks for all responses.sbe has been refusing to talk to any of us and has not eaten for two days we are at a loss of what to do.

Suggest sending her articles of premature ageing and hair loss associated with very low calorie diets. Not sure if it’s possible to get her sectioned, but definitely ask how that could happen in case this gets worse.

If she's not eating at all you need to get professional help.

Sending her articles about premature ageing and telling her to eat isn't going to do it. You're likely to do more harm than good that way.

Have a look online, there’s loads of support organisations (most seem area specific hence no link) they will be able to talk through options and offer the best advice on how to start to get through to your god daughter, and arm you with the info needed to support you supporting her.

If she hasn't eaten anything at all, you need to take her to the hospital, she needs to see someone. Before she starves herself literally to death.