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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about irrelevant, impersonal gifts?

23 replies

Misskittykat · 26/12/2017 19:51

AIBU? My best friend, the person who knows me inside out sent her gifts this year by post. We usually see each other Boxing Day and exchange gifts but new babies in the family and other commitments mean it’s not been possible. I still have hers as I’m going to surprise her on Saturday (I live 100 miles away). It was like opening presents meant for a stranger. Food items that I can’t eat (dietary restrictions), bubble bath (I don’t have a bath). Random cereal bars?? 5 candles, a flask, and more chocolates... nothing personal at all. I have in her gift box a Fitbit (she has just started a new fitness regime) a pandora charm, pjs, her favourite perfume... all gifts I know she will love and can use. It’s not about money at all it’s about thought behind the gifts. Should I say how I’m feeling or just suck it up?

OP posts:
Bambamber · 26/12/2017 19:53

Depends, has she got a lot going on at the moment? Is it out if character for her?

cathf · 26/12/2017 19:56

Here we go again!
I honestly don't know why people exchange gifts as they seem to cause so much angst.
Also I note that the moaners are always so convinced that their gifts are well thought-out and tasteful.
What is so personal about pajamas and so impersonal about candles?
Just stop doing it.

Original poster
Misskittykat · 26/12/2017 20:03

Moaners? Why bother to comment if you have nothing constructive to contribute and missing my the crux of my post.
I actually love candles, but these are foul smelling tea lights in lime green. Pjs, some people actually love them and she is one of those people. And as I mentioned I know this person very well so I know my gifts will be used and loved.
Anyway, yep def very strange but no, nothing going on and she has been moaning about her in laws giving crap gifts with no relevance so I’m miffed.

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 26/12/2017 20:06

Maybe she's passing their crap gifts on to you?
What does she usually get you?

Original poster
Misskittykat · 26/12/2017 20:12

She’s usually so thoughtful, which is probably why I’m surprised. Last year I received my favourite prosecco, some gorgeous welly socks and a bobble hat plus a donation on my behalf to a charity I support, so thoughtful and meaningful. I’m really baffled yet know I sound a bit ungrateful

OP posts:
Bambamber · 26/12/2017 20:16

I would perhaps mention it in a casual manner. Along the lines of 'thankyou for the gifts, it's a shame I can't make use of the bubble bath or food as I don't have a bath and have dietary restrictions' and just see how she responds.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 26/12/2017 20:22

If she's usually thoughtful has she maybe labelled the wrong package and someone else has yours?

VioletCharlotte · 26/12/2017 20:26

In your OP you mention new babies in the family. Do you mean she has a new baby? If so I can see what she has no time to put any thought into gifts! Otherwise YANBU, I don't know why people bother with gifts like this, I'd prefer it if they didn't waste their money.

Original poster
Misskittykat · 26/12/2017 21:37

Sorry new babies as in family babies so 1st Christmas families demanded she be with them rather than do her own thing. Def presents were for me. Exactly that Violet, rather she not waste money

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 26/12/2017 21:41

Is she short of money and/or time this year? The stuff she’s sent sounds thoughtless compared to what you have for her, but at least she’s sent you something.

Flupi · 26/12/2017 21:42

Missing the point slightly but that’s an awful lot of gifts/money for a friend. What’s wrong with one token gift? Perhaps she can’t keep up with having to find so many gifts each year.

redcarbluecar · 26/12/2017 21:48

She could have things going on which mean she’s had less time to devote to present buying this year. Unless you think there’s anything to read into it in terms of the friendship weakening, in which case maybe have a conversation further down the line, I’d just thank her and move on.

milliemoon · 26/12/2017 21:50

I wouldn't dream of saying anything other than 'thank you' for a gift from a friend, it could cause bad feeling, it's not worth it.

KiteMarked · 26/12/2017 21:51

Maybe it's time to draw a line under this tradition? With a new baby it's likely her priorities have shifted. I'm Sorry you are disappointed, though. I know that feeling well.

Tipsntoes · 26/12/2017 21:51

In all my friendship groups we stopped doing presents for each other once DC came along. We certainly wouldn't do things like a fitbit for friends, more a small token.

BewareOfDragons · 26/12/2017 21:59

Honestly? I would cut down what you're giving her and give her one of the 'big' expensive presents you've gotten her. Return or keep the rest for yourself. a) You're going to embarrass her if she's truly the friend you think she is, or b) she's going to not feel embarrassed in the slightest which would make her a potential CF...

Meetmeonamonday · 26/12/2017 22:00

TBH you do sound a little ungrateful. If she has a new baby then try to be thankful she's had time to not only shop but wrap, parcel and get it to a post office.

If she is the best friend you say she is, can you not broach this with her and make light fun of It to get your answer about the odd pressie this year ... that's what my friends and I would be able to do... however now we are a few children in each we don't buy for each other anymore.

A Fitbit for a best mate sounds OTT to me but to each their own.

Or just try to let it go... xx

Rossigigi · 26/12/2017 22:54

Sounds like she just picked up stuff she had in her home because she forgot to buy you anything.

Cantspell2 · 26/12/2017 23:03

Not going to mention the gifts as I think the topic of people meaning about presents has been done to death on here but I am going to ask do you think it is wise to surprise someone with a visit from when they have a new baby and other family commitments?

If you are a 100 miles away I don’t think she will be expecting you to pop around and might just be knackered and not want an uninvited visitor even if they do turn up with a Fitbit.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 26/12/2017 23:12

I find sooner or later people run out of ideas of what to get.

I’ve had a few good years getting people close to me presents that they like and want but this year was super hard, adding on to that I was on stricter budget too.

I’m also super hard to buy for because when people ask me what I want, I tell them I don’t know and just get me what they thinks best so It’s why I’m never offended by smellies or chocolates, they can be used and eaten.

rudolphslittlehelper · 26/12/2017 23:14

You are spending hundreds of pounds on her? Maybe she doesn't want to do that but feels pressurised fro multiple gifts?

It is unusual to buy a a friend so many expensive gifts.

Maybe suggest 1 small gift but personal? each in future?

Jubejube1 · 27/12/2017 10:50

I think I’d look to stop the tradition. Just say with a new baby perhaps we can leave Xmas for us now, you must be busy with other priorities. Genuinely.

Original poster
Misskittykat · 27/12/2017 19:22

Thank you for the responses. Just to clarify she has not had the baby her brother has plus I’m no longer living local so instead of meeting up for our usual Boxing Day films, prosseco and chocolates family commitments took precedence. She lives alone and will be at home Sat. But maybe I’ve given too much, although it’s not compared to what we usually do but opening other gifts I’m going to keep some back as suggested.

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