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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DH U thinking I shouldn't send Christmas cards to those who never send cards back?

22 replies

PaxUniversalis · 26/12/2017 13:33

Every year I send Christmas cards to people on my Christmas card list. Apart from relatives and good friends the people I send cards to include my best friend from high school, who I still see from time to time when I visit my hometown, friends of my parents, old neighbours, acquaintances and people I see only casually.
A few of these people never send us a card back, or they only send us a card after we send them a card first.

DH thinks it's a waste of time and money to keep sending cards to people who don't make an effort with us. He also doesn't see why I keep sending cards to my best friend from school (I also send her birthday cards). I'm late 40s, she's 50.
We were friends throughout all of secondary school and we were in the same class. We also used to go to each other's houses so we knew each other's parents and immediate family. This year I sent her and her partner a Christmas card but we haven't received a card back (my card was sent rather late so they may have only received it on Christmas Eve).
I keep sending the cards because I think it's a friendly thing to do. I actually enjoy sending people cards.
IS DH BU?

OP posts:

etap · 26/12/2017 13:36

Such a waste of money.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 26/12/2017 13:38

If you like to do it, carry on. It's the price of a stamp.

If you are doing it to expect one in return, I wouldn't bother.

Imho, they are a waste of time. They all end up in the recycle bin and its a pain to find somewhere to put them. I think they make the place look messy and cluttered.

I don't send them and the ones we do receive don't get put up and tbh, I don't keep track of who I receive them from.

I do ask people not to give me cards, but it falls on deaf ears.

Madonnasmum · 26/12/2017 13:40

I stopped last year and it's stopped a lot of cards this year which is fine by me!

Original poster

PaxUniversalis · 26/12/2017 13:48

I personally see Christmas cards as another way of sending a message to people that I haven't forgotten about them (some of these people live hundreds of miles away and others live abroad so it's hard to meet up with them during the year).
Also I guess, deep down, I don't want them to forget about me/us.

OP posts:

Oliversmumsarmy · 26/12/2017 13:50

We have lived in this house for many years and every year we receive a Christmas Card from a couple addressed to the previous occupants.

Previous occupants moved hundreds of miles away so if they were in touch they would have realised they no longer live in the area let alone the country

Original poster

PaxUniversalis · 26/12/2017 13:55

I must admit don't necessarily keep in touch during the year with everyone on my Christmas card list. Two reasons: some people live very far away, and I don't do social media. So sending them a Christmas card is my way of saying I haven't forgotten about them.

OP posts:

ILoveTheEU · 26/12/2017 14:03

It's nice that you want to keep in touch.
I find it painful, tbh, but some people will only keep in touch by card, and I don't want to lose contact, so I grit my teeth thru it.

LIZS · 26/12/2017 14:27

Agree with him. There are some who I sent a last card to this year, having not heard from last or in between. It is increasingly costly.

halcyondays · 26/12/2017 14:31

If I don't get a card from somebody for a couple of years, I stop sending them one.

sirfredfredgeorge · 26/12/2017 14:37

People who don't return a card fall into a few boxes:

People who never get the card because you're sending it the wrong address. stop
People who don't like you. stop
People who don't like cards. stop
People who like cards, like receiving them, like you, but don't like or are just too busy to be writing any. keep sending

Your husband thinks all of the people are the first three groups, but you the last, personally I cannot imagine anyone really being in the last group, so I'm with DH because it's a waste, write a letter to the people you want to keep in touch with away from Christmas.

Rossigigi · 26/12/2017 16:38

I've received 3 Xmas cards this year! I've sent none- like I haven't the last 10+ years!
Texts and emails though- loads!
Nobody sends cards anymore...

TipseyTorvey · 26/12/2017 18:59

A few years ago with young DC and tired of the added task, I cut ours down to people we really care about, and removed DH friends who I'm not bothered about (told him he could do those, and guess what he didn't) so went from 60 to about 25, 15 of which need posting and the rest local delivery. It's no bother now and we get about the same number back so have enough around to look festive but not 3000 falling over every surface.

New challenge is the DC seem to get one from each classmate but I cba to make them write 30 each of these tiny cards back. I think this age group will soon give up on it anyway!

Straycatblue · 26/12/2017 19:08

I absolutely hate writing cards, whilst its nice to receive them. I havent written a xmas card for years and feel much less stressed about the whole thing. I also don't make up stupid lies about how Im donating to charity this year instead as many people seem to want to boast about, its not compulsory to send cards and you can just cease without having to justify it with some bollocks about donating to charity

Unless you are going to write a bit more ie update them on your life and family etc and make it personalised, I do think its a massive waste of time if all the card says it merry xmas or something equally short/similar. I never understood that point of that.

So its all about personal preference, if it makes you happy and you dont expect anything in return, ie you dont do it to receive then continue to do what what makes you happy.

EmmaC78 · 26/12/2017 19:08

I would stop sending them tbh. I do not like receiving cards so never send any back. I find it a bit annoying if people still insist on giving me cards. It is a waste of their time and money as they just go straight in the recycling bin.

RedSkyAtNight · 26/12/2017 19:11

My feeling is

I'm in touch with people and communicate with them regularly, so sending them a Christmas card saying "To X, From Y" is a bit pointless

I'm not in touch with people - in which case why would I want to send them a Christmas card?

Eatingwormswithwine · 26/12/2017 19:14

You should never give in order to receive

ChristmasFOG · 26/12/2017 19:20

I think your DH is right.

Put a date on your diary to make contact at some other time instead, maybe birthdays?

I'm one of those people who only send cards back if they send me one - so that if they want to stop it is easy...I want to stop. If they come in late then, I may make contact via FB or by sending NY card instead. I had a year or two of sending none at all (except for elderly relatives) but the guilt brought me to this position.

MakeItRain · 26/12/2017 19:20

I'm rubbish at sending cards and haven't sent any for the last few years. However about 10 people in my life always send me a card and I'm always really touched to receive them, even though I don't think I deserve to keep getting them! Not sure if that helps you or not, except to know that maybe somewhere in your friends' busy lives, getting a card is just possibly a small, lovely thing to them!

Topseyt · 26/12/2017 19:23

I am with your DH here.

I've stopped sending Christmas cards to anyone except my parents, who I don't get to see at Christmas. I don't see the point in sending them to all and sundry who you never see throughout the year, or even for years on end.

Waste of time, money and paper.

Original poster

PaxUniversalis · 26/12/2017 19:27

@MakeItRain

Card writing is probably considered kind of old fashioned these days but I still like doing it and it shows one has taken the time and effort to buy the cards and hand write a personal message in an age where most people communicate via social media.
I still think it's nice to receive them. But maybe that's because I'm not on social media (for various reasons).

OP posts:

jlbcredit · 26/12/2017 19:29

I like sending and receiving cards (I'm only talking about 10-15). It's always sad i guess if you don't receive one from someone for a few years so I tend to stop then. I'm more likely to keep sending them if they're older relatives whereas with ppl my own age it just doesn't seen the thing to do.
I'm quite surprised whenever this comes up at the number of people who don't send cards (apparently it's the main tradition at Christmas that's a waste of time and money, never mind that lots of ppl buy their cards from charity shops) yet everyone seems to agree it's nice to get something handwritten through the post.

ButtMuncher · 26/12/2017 19:41

I only give cards to close family members/friends. Not sure why, but I always think it's nice to have a keepsake, particularly for the children to look over in years to come. My mum kept all the ones she gave us as children and I love looking over them.

My mum on the other hand, used to spend hours writing out cards from a list - she's shortened it down massively now though. She still gets a card from her childhood friend - and sends one back - as the years have progressed the friends card has morphed from a quick note on the adjacent page to a 4 page, A4 leaflet on each and every family member (including the dog) which this year was laminated, glossy and had a page dedicated to each family member (and respective partners). As nice as the lady is, it really is so navel gazing and indulgent to think people would to know about Little Nicky's (who is now 32) ingrowing toenail

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