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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel bad about present choice for DS?

29 replies

Topaz89 · 26/12/2017 05:29

I have 3 children aged 2, 4 and 6.
I'm feeling really bad for my 6 year old.
We bought him a Nintendo Switch for Christmas, a couple of toys and some creative stuff, but now I'm regretting it and wish we'd have bought him lots of toys instead of the Nintendo Switch. He said he really wanted one and we didn't want to buy him a load of other things instead just for the sake of it. We wanted to buy him something that he wants, so that's what we did. But..
His brothers got lots of toys and although DS1 said he really wants a Nintendo Switch, he's only 6 and I feel like I've ruined the magic of Christmas because at that age it's all about the pile of presents on Christmas morning at that age. I could see him looking at how much his brothers got and I felt my heart sink a bit. Then during the day he wanted to play with his brother's toys, which his brother was ok with as they played together.
I just feel like we spent way too much on one thing given how little he is.
I feel like I've really fucked up! Sad

OP posts:
fusspot66 · 26/12/2017 05:51

Hey Topaz, you have nice kids who share! Don't sweat the small stuff. He will.be fine.

lornathewizzard · 26/12/2017 05:55

If you think he's upset about it then talk to him about it. I'm sure he'll understand that it's an expensive present hence the lack of lots of presents and he did want it so I'm sure he'll enjoy it

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2017 05:57

They’re all sharing nicely. It’s fine. Have a chat with him when the little ones are in bed and ask him how he feels. This is also a learning experience for your ds. He will remember getting very little in terms or quantity and decide next time if he wants one big present or lots of little ones.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 26/12/2017 06:05

Did you explain that the Nintendo was expensive when he asked for it? And that this would mean fewer toys?

Original poster
Topaz89 · 26/12/2017 06:08

I'm going to talk to him about it later. I feel so bad because they're only little once and there is plenty of time to get expensive things when he's older.

OP posts:
Pearlsaringer · 26/12/2017 06:10

Have posted on your other thread in Chat. It’s fine, plus you have sharing kids. Go you!

Original poster
Topaz89 · 26/12/2017 06:11

No I didn't Cheap and I wish I had beforehand. But I am going to speak to him today about it and just love bomb him a bit.

OP posts:
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 26/12/2017 06:13

Has he had a play with his Switch yet? He'll love it once he gets going.

Pearlsaringer · 26/12/2017 06:13

Isn’t this Santa’s fuck up, if anybody’s? Wink

LaContessaDiPlump · 26/12/2017 06:15

Topaz You have my sympathy - I have a 6.5yo and a 5.5yo, and it would have taken about 65 million repetitions of 'You will have ONE big present and TWO little ones. DS2 will have TEN big presents. Do you understand?' before something like this could have worked. You did it with the best intentions so please don't beat yourself up.

Do you have Monopoly? Maybe explain it to him with Monopoly money: tell him each child starts with 500 quid (for example!!) and lay it all out on the floor so he can see the Nintendo took up a huge amt of his money while it was more spread out for his brothers/sisters. This would be more understandable for my DC.

Original poster
Topaz89 · 26/12/2017 06:17

He's played on it and he loves it.

And yes it's all Santa's fault! Xmas Wink

OP posts:
CheeseyToast · 26/12/2017 06:17

Jeez over thinking much. Your kids got presents, they liked them. Really time to gain perspective

Original poster
Topaz89 · 26/12/2017 06:18

LaContessa That's a really good idea with the Monopoly money. I am going to do that!

OP posts:
MissDuke · 26/12/2017 06:33

Your children sound lovely! Mine do not share well Hmm

When they were little, we used toy catalogues cut up for them to make their santa lists. It was a good visual to be able to say 'you can have these 4 play sets or this one bike as they add up to the same amount of money' etc.

The monopoly money sounds like a good way too of going back to it. I am sure he was just a little confused but will get over it as he gets to play with his siblings toys too. Lucky boy.

LaContessaDiPlump · 26/12/2017 06:34

Grin it's what I would do with my incredibly mercenary 6.5yo! Just make sure you only explain it to him (I.e. not having to manage other kids at same time) and keep saying 'So we had the same amount of money to spend on EVERYONE.' Nothing worse than hard-done-by 6yos.....

Gaudeamus · 26/12/2017 07:22

I'd hold off on the explanations unless and until your son says something himself. I'd worry that however you word it, the message he'll hear is 'We adults know this was a small disappointing present and we have some excuses right here...' Most likely once the unwrapping moment where everyone compares is gone, he'll forget about the physical volume of presents and just enjoy playing with it. I'm sure your other children will insist on having a go as well and that will reassure him it's worth having.

AtlanticWaves · 26/12/2017 07:29

My mum, and now I do the same, always made sure we had the same number of presents to open. Regardless of cost.

So if one DS has an expensive present, then the others are all token cheap presents. To make the same number as his brother.

Maybe try that another year?

But for this year don't worry. DS1 was sad the first year his brother had a birthday and presents and he had none. By the second year he was happy cos he'd understood that any presents are played with by everyone so he still got the benefit.

It sounds like your DC share toys too so it's all good.

19lottie82 · 26/12/2017 08:13

My mum, and now I do the same, always made sure we had the same number of
presents to open. Regardless of cost.

So what happens when other DC asks why did DB get a switch and I didn’t?
Seems a bit of a counter productive method!

And at 6 DC are old enough to understand that a switch is an expensive present.

Don’t worry OP, you’re over tho long things, honestly.

smurfy2015 · 26/12/2017 08:40

Don't feel bad and its good that they share, there are numerous children who wouldn't. I'm early 40s now but I remember my early Christmases as apart from the stuff Santa brought, my aunt, gave me (she lived with us)

I always got 2 massive wrapped up boxes 1 from my mother and 1 from my dad, to an onlooker I probably looked spoiled but I would play with mum or dads box most of the day as it was transformed to whatever it was going to be, 1 usually became a dolls house and the other a car or similar, yes when I had the unwrapping frenzy over underneath it all was 2 cardboard boxes which they got from local supermarket and covered in xmas paper and 1 or the other would spend the day helping me "mechanic" which was usually mum and setting up a dolls house and dressing dolls and doing their hair which was dads forte in my world.

My brother who is 7 years older would look on in amusement and his offers of help were rejected as he was "too big for his box", Santa and family presents were pretty much ignored till the next day.

What I'm saying is no harm is done, the monopoly money suggestion by a pp is great too. I can only remember my main Xmas presents on one hand with fingers to spare, but esp for me the main thing was "my boxes" which could be anything i wanted them to be

singersdweller · 26/12/2017 09:59

Has your DS actually expressed disappointment? If not I wouldn't worry and if he says something then he's old enough to understand that his present was more expensive then your other DCs.
I can't see this is a major ongoing problem tbh

strugglingtodomybest · 26/12/2017 10:30

I wouldn't say anything unless he brings it up, as I won't want to put the idea in his head that he'd been hard done by.

And you haven't fucker up. He asked for the switch, you bought the switch, you haven't done anything wrong. He has learnt a lesson.

Unicornfluffycloudsandrainbows · 26/12/2017 10:36

Just some perspective that some kids weren’t lucky enough to wake up with much yesterday morning, there’s families relying on food banks and kind donations off strangers to see them through Christmas. Your ds got an expensive console for Christmas he is incredibly lucky maybe gently remind him how fortunate he is to be so lucky to have such lovely presents and thoughtful brothers . Maybe in future get expensive presents as joint with your two eldest sons.

GingerIvy · 26/12/2017 11:28

My children got very few "individual" gifts this year. Most gifts were for both dcs as it was board games and Lego sets this year, including a game console from their dad. Individually they got a few smaller things- books, sweets, and a couple personal interest items each that weren't too expensive.

I'm trying to encourage sharing and working together on things, as well as moving away from large piles of presents for each child. I'd rather get a few smaller "family gifts" that may be more expensive that we can all enjoy together (hence games and Lego sets). I tried to also move away from screens a bit (although ex bought the game console, but he talked to me about it first, and it's replacing an older one, so not a huge deal).

It's hard to adjust as they get older and their requests change, especially to more expensive items. We're slowly trying to adapt to this, while keeping expectations reasonable. I don't know how my parents managed it (4 children with fairly large gaps in ages) without losing their sanity.

Rossigigi · 26/12/2017 11:40

Your children sound lovely as they are sharing. So I wouldn't worry- the others will want to play on his switch just as much as he wants to play with their toys!

oldbirdy · 26/12/2017 11:58

We always do these sort of electronic gadegets as joint presents, so no one child has veto rights over the others playing it
I know they are too young now, but in a year or so it'll still work and your second child will want a turn, but oldest can say "no it's mine, you got loads more presents than me when I got this so I get to be in charge of when I want to play and when you can", plus as the eldest they tend to want/ get all the gadgets first which creates a power imbalance. The only thing which are theirs and theirs alone of this type are mobile phones (bought at start of secondary school) and a laptop each (13th birthday gift, to see them through GCSEs).

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