About bragging over extra presents?

[MardyMarie]

One of my nieces is almost 11; her parents are separated and my sister has a 5 and 2 year old with her now husband. We spent yesterday with them and DN mentioned several times both to my DC and her siblings how she gets double the presents everyone else does because she gets some at her dad's house too. She said this in a particularly boastful and goady way to her sisters and repeated it to my DC even after I asked her to stop because my DCs father chooses not to have contact and it isn't kind to keep reminding them of that. My sister said she's at a loss of how to deal with it as it comes up every Christmas and birthday and is going to affect her siblings increasingly as they get older each year. She said she was tempted to get her less presents with the reasoning that she's getting the same amount again at her dad's but she couldn't bring herself to do it. How would/do you deal with this?

She’s feeling insecure. I wouldn’t do anything.

Ignore it - her parents aren't together she's likely hurting

I’d just say a casual “I wouldn’t keep saying that if I was you - we might all see it as a reason to save some cash and buy you less!”

She's a child. Ignore it / get her onto another subject.

Sis is being silly.

My dd attends a residential SN school and gets a £200 budget for Christmas. Therefore she gets less than ds, it would be ridiculous not to. Despite her SN dd understands this fully and has no issue with it. This year her choice was a Nintendo switch which she put her own money towards and I bought her 2 games.

Shr got stocking gifts etc but not a main present off me as well. That would just be silly.

She’s probably feeling a bit left out as the half sister, this is her compensation. Just ignore and tell your dc to ignore.

Tell her bluntly that bragging isn't nice and that lots of kids get less than she does, doesn't make her special or better, just fortunate.
I say this something like this to my DD when I feel she is getting boastful.

I agree it stems from insecurity but I also feel it needs to be addressed.

She's never known her parents to be together, though. My sister always moves Christmas to when DN is home so she knows she isn't missing out when she's at her dad's.

Whatever the reason, she needs to learn that bragging isn't nice and showing off about gifts/money means people won't find you particularly nice to be around, especially if bragging has an element of unkindness to it.

YABU to think she’s anything over that a kid who is probably hurting and trying to make herself feel better. It would be heartless to do anything.

It's really shit being a child that lives with a complete family and only partly belongs to some of them and some of them not at all. She's trying to make it sound like she has a better deal because she's defensive about feeling like she's on the fringes of her own family. Leave her alone it's none of your business.

Whilst it needs to be handled sensitively, as she may be be trying to compensate for being the "half-sister", it really should be addressed for the sake of your DCs. Those comments can't be easy for them if they don't receive the same treatment from their dad. Maybe you could make it clear to your sister that this is upsetting your children and ask her to have a word with DN re kindness?

I suspect that people are missing the fact that OP's children are also in the situation of being without their father, with the difference that they get nothing from him and don't even see him. For them, having someone boast that they are better off because their parents are separated must be particularly hurtful. I think all you can do is keep underlining to her that boasting isn't acceptable and no-one is impressed, until the penny drops.

Personally I think you should explain to your DC why she does it (insecurity, lack of belonging etc) and then get your sister to speak to her DD. She needs to explain that while she understands the reasons for her bragging it’s making the other kids feel rubbish so it needs to stop.