OH, drinking, xmas, IVF, ARGH!

[luckylips]

Been at DH's sisters all day. DH has been drinking, I've had a few glasses here and there but keeping coherent as we have a 3 year old.

Get back to MIL's as we're staying here a few nights, make a coffee and offer to make DH one. He says 'no I'm having more alcohol'.

Why? Why can't he just stop now we're back? Why does it fall on me to stay sober-ish for DS? Why am I gonna be the one who has a sleepless night because he's snoring from being drunk?

I spoke to him about it and now it's awkward between us. Ended xmas day a bit crap

Backstory - I've had issues with him in the past with drinking plus we are doing IVF in the new year so I feel any opportunity we can take to not drink, we should take it!

But then he's putting DS to bed now, he's driven us 100 miles today to get here... argh am I a twat?

Why am I gonna be the one who has a sleepless night because he's snoring from being drunk?

Can't answer the why but there's a solution to that. Earplugs and/or he sleeps on the sofa. Job done.

I think sleeping on the sofa is a fair price to pay for drinking as much as he wants, assuming it's a one off and he doesn't regularly get so shit faced he can't look after his own child.

If this is regular then you have my sympathy. If not, and it is simply an Xmas thing, then give the poor bloke a break.

It's not a regular thing but only because we had trouble conceiving and that was the wake up call for him - after I confronted him.

It's been the fourth day in a row that he's had a drink. Perhaps not been slaughtered but definitely had a drink and disturbed my sleep.

but two of those days are Christmas eve and Christmas day

I think you’re overreacting

Honestly while I can imagine its really hard for you to see him drinking when you bave IVF I think you are being unfair

Its christmas he is relaxing and enjoying himself...go to bed enjoy your sleep and let him have a drink.

You can start again with a new healthy outlook after xmas.

Hmm I’ve had a few drinks every day since Thursday - work night out, friends night out, it’s nearly Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day. Assuming he’s not absolutely blind drunk and useless and then a write off for the following day, and you get chance to do the same, YABU. Unless there is a backstory? When we visit family, the person whose family it is gets to drink the most.

I think yabu. It's Christmas, let him enjoy it.

When you’re a bit pissed you want more don’t you? He’s a grown man, it’s not that bad. Sounds like YABU

Argh, it's me then. Feel like a right cow now.

I'll apologise to him.

I'm going to go against the grain a little here. I think if you've both agreed to do IVF together, and you're both committed to IVF, surely you should both be trying to be as healthy as possible? There is a strain, and I agree everything in moderation, but it would be nice if he could show some solidarity. I say this after speaking to my husband about it, we both went through IVF. Every couple is completely different. I guess I'd wonder if it is just a Christmas thing, or if this is also related to the mental strain of troubles conceiving - could it be taking its toll on him?

I don't envy you, whilst it may be Christmas, Christmas comes around once a year - IVF happens far less frequently...

Either way, wishing you all the best and wanted to let you know that in your circumstances, I would feel similarly.

Er it's Christmas can't see the issue
Also excuse my ignorance but What does ivf you haven't even started have to do with it?

Thanks Woolfrai.

Well my strong words were not needed - I just checked on him putting DS to bed and they're both asleep

Figgy - sperm takes 3 months to produce so most people try and be healthy in the run up to a cycle.

And namechange fail!

Is this really about IVF or is there an underlying resentment between you about his drinking? I say this as someone who was married to someone with a drink problem but who has no problem in general with people having a few drinks and enjoying themselves. I was quite uptight about my ex drinking because I resented the fact that he basically couldn't do without it and became quite controlling about the amount of units he was consuming.

Looking back now we have split up I realise that the solution was for me to accept the fact that his drinking was a problem and to leave rather than to try to control it on a day to day basis.

Not saying this is the same in your situation. But on the face of it having a moderate piss-up at Christmas is hardly a crime and he can recover in time to get healthy in time for the IVF. But if you feel that its representative of an unhealthy attitude to booze in general then you may have a more serious underlying problem.

Off tangent but how did you get back if you've both been drinking?

FWIW I get a bit twitchy about alcohol, but I do think drinking over Christmas is pretty standard - not falling over drunk but moving through fizzy stuff to wine / beer to spirits seems to be a thing.

I wouldn't worry if he has a few days off before NY?

MIL drove us back

@theabysswithin - thanks. Food for thought for sure. Thank you.

I certainly wouldn’t say you’re a twat, OP and given you’re doing an IVF cycle soon, I understand your worry. However, it’s Christmas Day so I think he gets a pass for a few days. Good luck for the IVF.

DH has been drinking

I've had a few glasses here
So have you

Why does it fall on me to stay sober-ish for DS?

But then he's putting DS to bed now, he's driven us 100 miles today to get here

I agree with the majority on here, it's Christmas, it's what people do. As others have said, as long as it's not a problem with alcohol that hubby has let him relax.... relaxing when it comes to fertility treatment is a big thing.

I sympathise with you and get where your head may be, I've been ttc for 3 years, had 3 failed iui and now waiting to start ivf in the new year.

I can't speak for you but sharing some feelings that you may ask yourself is that what's affecting me? I'm a little scared, I have my meds and the thought if I injecting every day, then twice a day, then the egg extraction, then insemination.... and it's me physically having to go through this is quite nerve wrecking (no matter how calm you try to be about it). Then friends fall pregnant around you and it can feel like one thing after another. So when you've seen your hubby drink you've possibly though 'bloody hell... all you've got to do is keep the little swimmers healthy' but truth is, if there was a problem your Drs would have. Picked it up with his tests.

In a nice way, do yourself a favour, focus more on you making sure you are mentally and physically prepared for this but share your feelings/fears with hubby so he can stay supportive. But going back to the initial post, sounds like you've been a little harsh, it's Christmas.

Have a kiss and cuddle and happy new year to you, go into 2018 with PMA!! X

You can't really kick off at him when you've been drinking too though. What's the difference between him drinking and your few glasses here and there

You also drank enough to put you over the driving limit as MIL drove you back.

Thanks both for your comments.

The problem we have is male factor - he has poor morphology which is why we can't conceive.

Anyway we have chatted and we're ok.